The Works of John Dryden, Vol. II | Page 9

[Footnote A: This expression seems proverbial.]
Bib. Thank me, and pay me my money, sir; though I could not forbear
my jest, I do not intend to lose by you; if you pay me not the sooner, I

must provide you another lodging; say I give you warning.
Lov. Against next quarter, landlord?
Bib. Of an hour, sir.
Lov. That's short warning, Will.
Bib. By this hand you shall up into the garret, where the little bed is; I'll
let my best room to a better pay-master: you know the garret, sir?
Franc. Aye, he knows it, by a good token, husband.
Lov. I sweat to think of that garret, Will; thou art not so unconscionable
to put me there? Why, 'tis a kind of little ease[B], to cramp thy
rebellious prentices in; I have seen an usurer's iron chest would hold
two on't: A penny looking-glass cannot stand upright in the window,
that and the brush tills it: the hat-case must be disposed under the bed,
and the comb-case will hang down, from the ceiling to the floor. If I
chance to dine in my chamber, I must stay till I am empty before I can
get out: and if I chance to spill the chamber-pot, it will overflow it from
top to bottom.
[Footnote B: A kind of dungeon, so called from its construction.]
Bib. Well, for the description of the garret, I'll bate you something of
the bill.
Lov. All, all, good Will; or, to stay thy fury till my rents come up, I will
describe thy little face.
Bib. No, rather describe your own little money; I am sure that's so little
it is not visible.
Lov. You are in the right, I have not a cross at present, as I am a sinner;
an you will not believe me, I'll turn my pockets inside outward--Ha!
What's the meaning of this? my pockets heavy! has my small officer
put in counters to abuse me?--How now! yellow boys, by this good
light? sirrah, varlet, how came I by this gold? Ha!

Boy. What gold do you mean, sir? the devil a piece you had this
morning. In these last three weeks, I have almost forgot what my teeth
were made for; last night good Mrs Bibber here took pity on me, and
crumm'd me a mess of gruel with the children, and I popt and popt my
spoon three or four times to my mouth, before I could find the way to't.
Lov. 'Tis strange, how I should come by so much money! [Aside.] Has
there been nobody about my chamber this morning, landlady?
Boy. O yes, sir; I forgot to tell you that: This morning a strange fellow,
as ever eyes beheld, would needs come up to you, when you were
asleep; but when he came down again, he said, he had not waked you.
Lov. Sure this fellow, whoe'er he was, was sent by Fortune to mistake
me into so much money.--Well, this is not the first time my necessities
have been strangely supplied: some Cadua or other has a kindness for
me, that's certain: [Aside.]--Well, Mons. Bibber, from henceforward I'll
keep my wit for more refined spirits; you shall be paid with
dirt;--there's money for you.
Bib. Nay, good sir.
Lov. What's your sum? tell it out: will the money burn your fingers?
Sirrah, boy, fetch my suit with the gold-lace at sleeves, from
tribulation.
[_Gives him gold. Exit Boy_.] Mr Taylor, I shall turn the better
bill-man[A], and knock that little coxcomb of yours, if you do not
answer me what I owe you.
[Footnote A: Alluding to the ancient weapon called the bill; a
never-failing source of puns in old plays.]
Bib. Pray, sir, trouble not yourself; 'tis nothing; i'feck now 'tis not.
Lov. How nothing, sir?
Fran. An't, please your worship, it was seventeen pounds and a noble

yesterday at noon, your worship knows: And then your worship came
home ill last night, and complained of your worship's head; and I sent
for three dishes of tea for your good worship, and that was six pence
more, and please your worship's honour.
Lov. Well; there's eighteen pieces, tell 'em.
Bib. I say, Frances, do not take 'em.
_Lov_, What, is all your pleading of necessity come to this?
Bib. Now I see he will pay, he shall not pay. Frances, go home, and
fetch him the whole bag of forty pounds; I'll lend it him, and the lease
of the house too; he shall want for nothing.
Lov. Take the money, or I'll leave your house.
Bib. Nay, rather than displease his worship, take it. [She takes it.
Lov. So, so; go home quietly and suckle my godson, Frances. [Exit
FRANCES.
Bib. If you are for the cellar, sir, you know the way. [Exit