The Works of John Dryden, Vol. II | Page 8

rent it, is my castle; but to follow me here to Mr Trice's, where I am
invited; and to discredit me before strangers, for a lousy, paltry sum of
money?
Fran. I tell you truly, Mr Loveby, my husband and I cannot live by
love, as they say; we must have wherewithal, as they say; and pay for
what we take; or some shall smoke fort.
Lov. Smoke! why a piece of hung beef in Holland is not more smoked,
than thou hast smoked me already. Thou knowest I am now fasting; let
me have but fair play; when I have lined my sides with a good dinner,
I'll engage upon reputation to come home again, and thou shall scold at
me all the afternoon.
Fran. I'll take the law on you.
Lov. The law allows none to scold in their own causes: What dost thou
think the lawyers take our money for?
Fran. I hope you intend to deal by my husband like a gentleman, as
they say?
Lov. Then I should beat him most unmercifully, and not pay him
neither.
Fran. Come, you think to fobb me off with your jests, as you do my
husband; but it won't be: yonder he comes, and company with him.
Husband, husband! why, William, I say!
_Enter BIBBER, BURR, and FAILER, at the other end_.
Lov. Speak softly, and I will satisfy thee.
Fran. You shall not satisfy me, sir; pay me for what you owe me, for
chamber-rent and diet, and many a good thing besides, that shall be
nameless.
Lov. What a stygian woman's this, to talk thus? Hold thy tongue 'till

they be gone, or I'll cuckold thy husband.
Fran. You cuckold him--would you durst cuckold him! I will not hold
my tongue, sir.
Bib. Yonder's my guest; what say you, gentlemen? Shall I call him to
go down with us?
Lov. I must make a loose from her, there's no other way. Save ye, Mr
Failer; is your cousin Trice stirring yet? Answer me quickly, sir, is your
cousin Trice yet stirring?
Fail. I'll go and see, sir. Sure the man has a mind to beat me; but I vow
to gad I have no mind to be beaten by him. Come away, Burr. Will, you
follow us.
Bib. I'll be with you immediately.
[Exeunt BURR and FAILER.
Lov. Who was that with Failer, Will?
Bib. A man at arms, that's come from Holland.
Lov. A man out at arms thou mean'st, Will.
Bib. Good, i'faith.
Fran. Aye, aye; you run questing up and down after your gambols, and
your jests, William; and never mind the main chance, as they say: Pray
get in your debts, and think upon your wife and children.
Lov. Think upon the sack at Carey-house, with the Abricot flavour,
Will. Hang a wife; what is she, but a lawful kind of manslayer? Every
little hug in bed is a degree of murdering thee: and for thy children, fear
'em not: thy part of 'em shall be taylors, and they shall trust; and those,
thy customers get for thee, shall be gentlemen, and they shall be trusted
by their brethren; and so thy children shall live by one another.

Bib. Did you mark that, Frances? There was wit now; he call'd me
cuckold to my face, and yet for my heart I cannot be angry with him. I
perceive you love Frances, sir; and I love her the better for your sake;
speak truly, do you not like such a pretty brown kind of woman?
Lov. I do i'faith, Will; your fair women have no substance in 'em, they
shrink in the wetting.
Fran. Well, you may be undone if you will, husband: I hear there are
two or three actions already out against him: You may be the last, if
you think good.
Bib. Tis true she tells me; I love your wit well, sir; but I must cut my
coat according to my cloth.
Fran. Sir, we'll come by our own as we can; if you put us oft' from
week to week thus.
Lov. Nay, but good landlady--
Fran. Will good landlady set on the pot, as they say; or make the jack
go? then I'll hear you.
Bib. Now she's too much on t'other hand; hold your prating, Frances; or
I'll put you out of your Pater Nosters, with a sorrow to you.
Fran. I did but lay the law open to him, as they say, whereby to get our
money in: But if you knew how he had used me, husband!
Bib. Has he used you, Frances? put so much more into his bill for
lodging.
Lov. Honest Will, and so he died[A]; I thank thee, little Bibber, being
sober, and, when I am drunk, I will kiss thee for't.