The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV | Page 2

solemnly weighing the matter, That
the lawyer was drownded, because He could not keep his head above
water!

THE TWO HUSBANDS
BY CAROLYN WELLS
Once on a Time there were Two Men, each of whom married the

Woman of his Choice. One Man devoted all his Energies to Getting
Rich.
He was so absorbed in Acquiring Wealth that he Worked Night and
Day to Accomplish his End.
By this Means he lost his Health, he became a Nervous Wreck, and was
so Irritable and Irascible that his Wife Ceased to live with him and
Returned to her Parents' House.
The Other Man made no Efforts to Earn Money, and after he had Spent
his own and his Wife's Fortunes, Poverty Stared them in the Face.
Although his Wife had loved him Fondly, she could not Continue her
affection toward One who could not Support her, so she left him and
Returned to her Childhood's Home.
MORALS:
This Fable teaches that the Love of Money is the Root of All Evil, and
that When Poverty Comes In At the Door, Loves Flies Out Of the
Window.

THE STORY OF THE TWO FRIARS
BY EUGENE FIELD
It befell in the year 1662, in which same year were many witchcrafts
and sorceries, such as never before had been seen and the like of which
will never again, by grace of Heaven, afflict mankind--in this year it
befell that the devil came upon earth to tempt an holy friar, named Friar
Gonsol, being strictly minded to win that righteous vessel of piety unto
his evil pleasance.
* * * * *
Now wit you well that this friar had grievously offended the devil, for

of all men then on earth there was none more holier than he nor none
surer to speak and to do sweet charity unto all his fellows in every
place. Therefore it was that the devil was sore wroth at the Friar Gonsol,
being mightily plagued not only by his teachings and his preachings,
but also by the pious works which he continually did do. Right truly the
devil knew that by no common temptations was this friar to be moved,
for the which reason did the devil seek in dark and troublous
cogitations to bethink him of some new instrument wherewith he might
bedazzle the eyes and ensnare the understanding of the holy man. On a
sudden it came unto the fiend that by no corporeal allurement would he
be able to achieve his miserable end, for that by reason of an
abstemious life and a frugal diet the Friar Gonsol had weaned his body
from those frailties and lusts to which human flesh is by nature of the
old Adam within it disposed, and by long-continued vigils and by
earnest devotion and by godly contemplations and by divers proper
studies had fixed his mind and his soul with exceeding steadfastness
upon things unto his eternal spiritual welfare appertaining. Therefore it
beliked the devil to devise and to compound a certain little booke of
mighty curious craft, wherewith he might be like to please the Friar
Gonsol and, in the end, to ensnare him in his impious toils. Now this
was the way of the devil's thinking, to wit: This friar shall suspect no
evil in the booke, since never before hath the devil tempted mankind
with such an instrument, the common things wherewith the devil
tempteth man being (as all histories show and all theologies teach) fruit
and women and other like things pleasing to the gross and perishable
senses. Therefore, argueth the devil, when I shall tempt this friar with a
booke he shall be taken off his guard and shall not know it to be a
temptation. And thereat was the devil exceeding merry and he did
laugh full merrily.
* * * * *
Now presently came this thing of evil unto the friar in the guise of
another friar and made a proper low obeisance unto the same. But the
Friar Gonsol was not blinded to the craft of the devil, for from under
the cloak and hood that he wore there did issue the smell of sulphur and
of brimstone which alone the devil hath.

"Beshrew me," quoth the Friar Gonsol, "if the odour in my nostrils be
spikenard and not the fumes of the bottomless pit!"
"Nay, sweet friar," spake the devil full courteously, "the fragrance thou
perceivest is of frankincense and myrrh, for I am of holy orders and I
have brought thee a righteous booke, delectable to look upon and
profitable unto the reading."
Then were the eyes of that Friar Gonsol full of bright sparklings and his
heart rejoiced with exceeding joy, for he did set most store, next to his
spiritual welfare, by bookes wherein was food to his