The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV

The Wit and Humor of America,
Volume IV.
by Various

The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wit and Humor of America,
Volume IV.
(of X.), by Various This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no
cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give
it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License
included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
Title: The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV. (of X.)
Author: Various
Editor: Marshall P. Wilder
Release Date: July 7, 2006 [EBook #18776]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WIT
AND HUMOR OF ***

Produced by Suzanne Lybarger and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net

Library Edition
THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
In Ten Volumes
VOL. IV

[Illustration: JOEL CHANDLER HARRIS]

THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
EDITED BY MARSHALL P. WILDER
Volume IV
Funk & Wagnalls Company New York and London
Copyright MDCCCCVII, BOBBS-MERRILL COMPANY Copyright
MDCCCCXI, THE THWING COMPANY

CONTENTS
PAGE April Aria, An R.K. Munkittrick 711 "As Good as a Play"
Horace E. Scudder 749 Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, The Oliver
Wendell Holmes 753 Briefless Barrister, The John G. Saxe 585
Cable-Car Preacher, A Sam Walter Foss 647 Cæsar's Quiet Lunch with
Cicero James T. Fields 760 Cheer for the Consumer Nixon Waterman
740 Comin' Home Thanksgivin' James Ball Naylor 763 Complaint of
Friends, A Gail Hamilton 604 Coupon Bonds, The J.T. Trowbridge 654
Crankidoxology Wallace Irwin 688 Desolation Tom Masson 686
Desperate Race, A J.F. Kelley 742 De Stove Pipe Hole William Henry
Drummond 774 Economical Pair, The Carolyn Wells 602 Family
Horse, The Frederick A. Cozzens 715 Girl from Mercury, The Herman

Knickerbocker Vielé 779 Grand Opera, The Billy Baxter 693
Greco-Trojan Game, The Charles F. Johnson 595 How to Know the
Wild Animals Carolyn Wells 650 How We Bought a Sewin' Machine
and Organ Josiah Allen's Wife 729 I Remember, I Remember Phoebe
Cary 652 In a State of Sin Owen Wister 696 Loafer and the Squire, The
Porte Crayon 767 Love Sonnets of a Husband, The Maurice Smiley
725 Meditations of a Mariner Wallace Irwin 713 Modern Advantage, A
Charlotte Becker 642 Modern Eclogue, A Bliss Carman 645 My Honey,
My Love Joel Chandler Harris 691 Ponchus Pilut James Whitcomb
Riley 624 Praise-God Barebones Ellen Mackay Hutchinson Cortissoz
765 Raggedy Man, The James Whitcomb Riley 643 Shooting-Match,
The A.B. Longstreet 666 Sonnet of the Lovable Lass and the Plethoric
Dad J.W. Foley 723 Story of the Two Friars Eugene Field 588 Two
Husbands, The Carolyn Wells 587 Two Pedestrians, The Carolyn
Wells 603 Two Prisoners, The Carolyn Wells 641 Victory Tom
Masson 714 Wolf at Susan's Door, The Anne Warner 626
COMPLETE INDEX AT THE END OF VOLUME X.

THE BRIEFLESS BARRISTER
A Ballad
BY JOHN G. SAXE
An attorney was taking a turn, In shabby habiliments drest; His coat it
was shockingly worn, And the rust had invested his vest.
His breeches had suffered a breach, His linen and worsted were worse;
He had scarce a whole crown in his hat, And not half a crown in his
purse.
And thus as he wandered along, A cheerless and comfortless elf, He
sought for relief in a song, Or complainingly talked to himself:--
"Unfortunate man that I am! I've never a client but grief: The case is,
I've no case at all, And in brief, I've ne'er had a brief!

"I've waited and waited in vain, Expecting an 'opening' to find, Where
an honest young lawyer might gain Some reward for toil of his mind.
"'Tis not that I'm wanting in law, Or lack an intelligent face, That others
have cases to plead, While I have to plead for a case.
"O, how can a modest young man E'er hope for the smallest
progression,-- The profession's already so full Of lawyers so full of
profession!"
While thus he was strolling around, His eye accidentally fell On a very
deep hole in the ground, And he sighed to himself, "It is well!"
To curb his emotions, he sat On the curbstone the space of a minute,
Then cried, "Here's an opening at last!" And in less than a jiffy was in
it!
Next morning twelve citizens came ('Twas the coroner bade them
attend), To the end that it might be determined How the man had
determined his end!
"The man was a lawyer, I hear," Quoth the foreman who sat on the
corse. "A lawyer? Alas!" said another, "Undoubtedly died of remorse!"
A third said, "He knew the deceased, An attorney well versed in the
laws, And as to the cause of his death, 'Twas no doubt for the want of a
cause."
The jury decided at length, After