The Unforseen Return | Page 6

is the Squire who comes to see you. I am going to see if everything is ready for your supper.
(Exit Roger to the house)
Squire: (entering from the street) Your servant, my friend. Ah, ladies, I am delighted to see you. You are waiting for me and that's very proper. I am the very soul of your parties, I admit. The premier mover in your pleasures, I know it. Where are we now? Is the supper ready? Are we getting married? Shall we abandon ourselves to wine? Come on, bring on the gaiety--I've never been in such a mood, in such spirits--I defy you to bore me.
Clarissa: Truly, Squire, you were wise to wait.
Lucy: It would be silly if a Squire were the first to come! One would think he had nothing to do.
Squire: I assure you ladies that my coach cannot fly faster. It's less than three quarters of an hour since I left Saint James. You know I usually use arabian horses. There are simply no better horses for a quick rendezvous.
Edward: What affair is so pressing?
Squire: If we didn't have flying carriages like that we'd miss half our opportunities.
Melinda: And since when, Squire, are you mixed up with going to court? It seems that you ordinarily stay at Oxford.
Squire: Well, what of it, my dear.
(To Edward) Here you are awash in pleasure--you swim in delights. You know the interest that I take in all that concerns you. What happiness when two well tested hearts approach the long awaited moment--there one sees the ending of--a novel. This is a great day for you.
Edward: I feel my happiness in all this talk.
(To Squire) But tell me, I beg you, have you been, as you promised, to the jeweler for the diamonds?
Squire: (to Clarissa) And you pretty cousin, what is it? Your heart says nothing to you? The example should encourage you--don't you wish, in marrying, to pay your debts to love and nature? It is terrible to be useless in this world.
Clarissa: I am not bored yet with my virginity.
Squire: Whenever you please we will take the same momentous step--hearts united. I am made for the ladies, and, in all modesty, the ladies are made for me. May I be damned if you are not to my taste. I am ready to love you one day to the point of adoration--to the point of madness! But not to the point of marriage. I like amours without consequences-- you understand me, I'm sure?
Lucy: Truly, this speech is so plain it needs no commentary. What! Squire! For shame!
Squire: You can't know how much this little fellow shames me. It is true this little bourgeois hasn't an equal, and that I treat him like family, introduce him into society, teach him to gamble, educate his taste in manners, furniture, and horses. I lead him a little astray--but these little gentlemen are not very happy unless one inspires them with the manners of the court and they learn to ruin themselves in two or three years.
Lucy: Have you many scholars?
Squire: Where is Roger? I don't see him here. He's a pretty fellow. I love him. I find him admirable as a trickster, to keep off creditors, to calm usurers, to persuade and pacify merchants. To sell all the furniture in a house quietly and quickly. How fashionable, how witty of your father, how prudent, to leave you a governor so wise, an economist so knowing. This rogue values twenty thousand pounds rent, the same way a baby does a half penny.
(Enter Roger)
Roger: Ladies and gentlemen, when you wish to enter supper is ready.
Squire: Yes. Well said. We mustn't lose time. I told you that Roger was a pretty fellow. I feel in a praiseworthy mood to drink wine. You will see if I remain in that mood. Come ladies--those who love me--follow me.
Edward: Moments are very precious to lovers. Let's not lose any time.
(Exit all but Roger into the house)
Roger: Well, thank God, business is good, our lovers are happy. May Heaven make it last a long while! But what do I see? There, I believe comes Jeremy, the valet of our absent master.
(Enter Jeremy)
Jeremy: At last I'm home. Hey, good day, Roger--the prodigal returns. How are you?
Roger: And you--dreadful apparition, how are you?
Jeremy: As you see, couldn't be better. A little tired, but we had a very successful trip.
Roger: What! "We" had a very successful trip? You didn't come alone?
Jeremy: What a question. Of course not. Came with my master. He went to the customs house with the merchandise while I came with the personal baggage and the joyous news for his son that he is returned in perfect health.
Roger: News like that will certainly rejoice him.
(Low) What are we going to do?
Jeremy: Something wrong? You don't look well--and you don't seem very