The Unforseen Return | Page 7

lose time. I told you that Roger was
a pretty fellow. I feel in a praiseworthy mood to drink wine. You will
see if I remain in that mood. Come ladies--those who love me--follow
me.
Edward: Moments are very precious to lovers. Let's not lose any time.
(Exit all but Roger into the house)
Roger: Well, thank God, business is good, our lovers are happy. May
Heaven make it last a long while! But what do I see? There, I believe
comes Jeremy, the valet of our absent master.
(Enter Jeremy)
Jeremy: At last I'm home. Hey, good day, Roger--the prodigal returns.
How are you?
Roger: And you--dreadful apparition, how are you?
Jeremy: As you see, couldn't be better. A little tired, but we had a very
successful trip.
Roger: What! "We" had a very successful trip? You didn't come alone?
Jeremy: What a question. Of course not. Came with my master. He
went to the customs house with the merchandise while I came with the
personal baggage and the joyous news for his son that he is returned in
perfect health.
Roger: News like that will certainly rejoice him.
(Low) What are we going to do?
Jeremy: Something wrong? You don't look well--and you don't seem
very glad to see us.
Roger: I'm not. This is most troublesome. All is lost. Now tell me--will
he be kept at the custom house long?
Jeremy: No--he'll be here any minute.
Roger: In an minute? I think I'll go nuts.
Jeremy: But what the hell's the matter with you?
Roger: I don't know. Oh, the cursed old man. To return at such a bad
time-- and not to forewarn us. What a treacherous bastard.
Jeremy: You must be up to something deep; this unexpected return
hasn't upset your plans too much, has it?
Roger: Oh, no! They'll all mixed up--by all the devils in hell!
Jeremy: Too bad.

Roger: Jeremy, my poor, Jeremy, help me to arrange things, I beg you.
Jeremy: Me-- What do you want me to do?
Roger: Go--rest. Go in. You'll find good company--nothing to upset
you. They'll make you drink Champagne.
Jeremy: Not hard to get me to do that.
Roger: Tell Mr. Edward that his father is back--but not to worry, I will
wait for him here--and try to do all I can. I will sell myself to the devil
if I know what! Tell him not to worry, and as for you, begin by getting
drunk and go to bed.
Jeremy: I will obey your orders exactly, don't fret.
(Exit Jeremy into the house)
Roger: Come, Roger, pull yourself together my boy: courage! Here we
have a violent father returning impromptu from a long trip; a son in the
midst of an orgy; the house in disorder full of cooks and caterers in
preparation for an impending wedding--and all we have to do is prevent
this from being discovered. Ah, here comes the old man. Let's stand
aside a little and think of a way to prevent him from entering his own
house.
(Enter Mr. Richly)
Richly: Now after all my work and all the risks I've run-- See: by
Heaven's grace, my voyage has a happy ending. I return to my dear old
home and I believe my son will be very happy to see me back and in
good health.
Roger: (aside) Not as happy as we would be to know you are well--but
elsewhere.
Richly: Children owe a good deal to fathers who work tirelessly to
leave them well off.
Roger: (aside) Yes; but not to those who return so inopportunely.
Richly: I don't wish to delay anymore entering home and giving my son
the pleasure of knowing I'm safely returned. I believe the poor boy will
die of joy to see me.
Roger: (aside) It wouldn't surprise me if he's already half dead just
knowing you're here. But it's necessary to meet him.
(Aloud) What do I see? Just Heaven--am I awake--is it a ghost?
Richly: I believe if I am not deceived, that it's Roger.
Roger: Indeed, it is Mr. Richly himself--or else the devil in his shape.
Seriously speaking, is it you, my dear master?

Richly: Yes, it's me, Roger. How've you been?
Roger: As you see, sir, very much at your service like a faithful servant,
bright eyed and bushy-tailed--and always ready to obey you.
Richly: That's good news. Let's go in.
Roger: We weren't expecting you and I assure you, you have fallen on
us from the clouds, as it were.
Richly: No, I came by carriage from Portsmouth where my ship happily
arrived several days ago. But now--
Roger: How well you look! What a face! How stout! The air in Spain
must do wonders for men of your age. You ought to stay there, sir--for
your health--