The Triple Marriage | Page 6

going to speak.
Manly Let's see.
Jeremy First of all, Miss Elizabeth must explain to her father, and do so
with great discretion and charm: Dear father, you don't know what
you're saying or doing.
Anna Beautiful beginning.
Jeremy And secondly, you must speak to this old scholar who wants to
marry Miss Elizabeth.
Manly Well, what do I tell him?
Jeremy You will beg him very kindly (for I wish to be kind to
everybody) to leave here as fast as he can, but on the condition that he
never return.
Manly Nice thing to say.
Jeremy So much the better if things fall out so that you don't have to do
anything.
Manly What's so much the better?
Jeremy Yes, indeed. We won't soon be defeated. Because if he refuses
to leave by the door, we must throw him out the window.
Manly Oh, shut up, stupid--leave us alone so we can consider.
(Trim's voice: Tally-ho!)
Anna I hear someone. It sounds like Trim.
Elizabeth If it's Trim, my brother isn't far away.
Anna Return to your room, Miss Elizabeth. You, gentlemen, go join
your pretended comrades. I wish to sound out Trim and learn from him
whether or not Walter has some inclination. In that case, you have
common interests, and I plan to unite them to upset your father's plans.
Elizabeth Good idea. We must let her try. Her efforts may be useful to
us.
Manly You can count on being rewarded in proportion to the degree
your services prove useful to us.
(Enter Trim, dressed for the hunt, with a hunting horn.)
Trim Tally-ho! Tally-ho!
Anna Eh! What's the reason for all this hunting noise? Have you lost
your mind, my boy?
Trim No, my dear. I am just as clever as usual. Is Mr. Matthews home?

Anna No.
Trim Are you positive?
Anna Absolutely certain! He would be very angry at your making such
a racket.
Trim (walking about the stage) Tally-ho! Tally-ho!
Anna Ah! You'll be the death of me! Stop it, and don't bore me
anymore. What devilish music is that?
Trim Do you believe that Mr. Matthews heard me?
Anna Without a doubt, and all the neighbors, too. (Trim blasts his horn)
But, what do I hear? More noise of the hunt. Are we in the time of the
fairies, and have I been suddenly transported into a forest?
Trim Ah, my dear, I would love to find you in the depths of a dark
wood.
Anna Why? To cut my throat?
Trim No, child, you wouldn't die of it. (another blast on the horn)
Anna Why keep it up? What do you mean to do?
Trim My master is hunting in his father's antechamber.
Anna Would you mind telling me what this means?
Trim It means that we make a noise.
Anna Does your master wish to insult his father? Are you dreaming?
Are you possessed?
Trim Oh, be patient, and you will learn everything.
Anna Hurry up then! What's going on?
Trim We are trying to make Mr. Matthews think we have returned from
a big hunting party in the country. We have just brought two mules
home laden with game.
Anna Two mules! What poachers! Did you depopulate the entire
countryside?
Trim Indeed, yes. We haven't left anything in the meat shops.
Anna What the deuce are you talking about?
Trim We were not at Cliffordshire Manor as we wish to fool old man
Matthews into believing. We've only been to a village half a league
from London, and we haven't even killed a sparrow.
Anna What were you doing there for eight days?
Trim The plague! Beautiful business, but it is a secret that I am not
permitted to divulge to you.
Anna Why not?

Trim Because, my master has forbidden me to speak of it, and that's
why I'm dying from the desire to tell you the whole thing. Oh, the
heavy weight of a secret! Well--here it is--my master-- Stop there, Trim,
you are going to do something stupid.
Anna You hide something from me,--from your mistress?
Trim I agree: that's not in the rules. But, at the same time, I have a
thought: my mistress is a woman. Would she be a woman if she were
not a person incapable of keeping her mouth shut and under the
compulsion to reveal the greatest secret within twenty-four hours or
die?
Anna Don't worry. I--I am stronger than a man about discretion. Speak
or I will break with you.
Trim You take me on my tender side. All right, I've got to tell you. The
greatest men engage in madness for these little bitches.-- Nobody can
hear us?
Anna Not unless you speak loudly.
Trim The devil! There are not childish games.
Anna Well, then?
Trim If someone