The Tables Turned | Page 3

and then
the second one; and the second one tumbled down into the mud; and
she picked it up again and wiped it with her shawl; and then she took
the third; and when she tried to put that with the two others they all
three tumbled down; and as she stooped down to pick them up it
seemed the best time to take her, as the two constables had come up; so
I took her.
_Mr. N_. Yes; you took her.
St. And she cried.
_Mr. H_. Ah, she cried. Well, sergeant, that will do; you may go.
(_Aside_: The sooner he goes the better. Wouldn't I like to have the
cross-examining of him if he was called on the other side!) Constable

Potlegoff.
[POTLEGOFF sworn.
_Mr. H_. Well, constable, did you see the woman take the loaves?
Potlegoff. Yes, sir.
_Mr. H_. How did she take them?
Pot. Off the counter, sir.
_Mr. H_. Did she go into the shop to take them?
Pot. Yes, sir. (_Aside_: I thought I was to say into three shops.)
_Mr. H_. One after another?
Pot. Yes, out of one shop one after another. (_Aside_: Now it's right, I
hope.)
_Mr. H_. (_Aside_: Confound him, he's contradicting the other!) (To
POT.) Yes, just so; one after the other. And did you see the second loaf
tumble down?
Pot. Yes, sir.
_Mr. H_. When was that?
Pot. As she took it off the counter.
_Mr. H_. Yes, after she took it off the counter, in the street?
Pot. No, sir. (Catching the SERGEANT'S eye.) I mean yes, sir, and she
wiped the mud off them; the sergeant saw her--and I saw her.
A Voice. Off IT, you liar! 'twas the second loaf, the single loaf, the
other liar said!

[_Confusion. The judge wakes up and splutters, and tries to say
something; the_ USHER _goes through the audience, but finds no one_;
HUNGARY _spreads out his hands to the Jury, appealingly_.
_Mr. H_. Yes, so it was in the street that you saw the loaves fall down?
Pot. Yes, sir; it was in the street that I saw it tumble down.
A Voice. You mean them, you fool! You haven't got the story right yet!
[_Confusion again. The_ JUDGE _sits up and stares like a man awaked
from a nightmare, then calls out_ Officer! Officer! _very loud. The_
USHER _goes his errand again, and comes back bootless_.
_Mr. H_. (_very blandly_). It was in the street that you saw the three
loaves fall down?
Pot. Yes, it was in the street that I saw the loaf fall down.
_Mr. H_. Yes, in the street; just so, in the street. You may go (_Aside_:
for a damned fool!). Constable Strongithoath.
[CONSTABLE STRONGITHOATH sworn,
_Mr. H_. Constable, did you see this robbery?
Strong. I saw it.
_Mr. H_. Tell us what you saw.
Strong, (_very slowly and stolidly, and as if repeating a lesson_). I saw
her steal them all--all--all from one shop--from three shops--I followed
her--I took her. When she took it up--she let it drop--in the shop--and
wiped the street mud off it. Then she dropped them all three in the
shop--and came out--and I took her--with the help--of the two
constables--and she cried.
_Mr. H_. You may go (_Aside_: for a new-caught joskin and a fool!). I
won't ask him any questions.

_J. N_. (_waking up, and languid_). Do you call any other witnesses,
Mr. Hungary?
_Mr. H_. No, my lord. (_Aside_: Not if I know it, considering the
quality of the evidence. Not that it much matters; the Judge is going to
get a conviction; the Jury will do as he tells them--always do.) (_To the
Court_): My lord and gentlemen of the Jury, that's my case.
_J. N_. Well, my good woman, what have you to say to this?
Mary Pinch. Say to it! What's the use of saying anything to it? I'd do to
it, if I could.
_J. N_. Woman! what do you mean? Violence will not do here. Have
you witnesses to call?
_M. P_. Witnesses! how can I call witnesses to swear that I didn't steal
the loaves?
_J. N_. Well, do you wish to question the witnesses? You have a right
to.
_M. P_. Much good that would be! Would you listen to me if I did? I
didn't steal the loaves; but I wanted them, I can tell you that. But it's all
one; you are going to have it so, and I might as well have stolen a
diamond necklace for all the justice I shall get here. What's the odds?
It's of a piece with the rest of my life for the last three years. My
husband was a handsome young countryman once, God help us! He
could live on ten shillings a-week before he married