The Tables Turned | Page 2

some necessary arrangements before submitting myself to the well-merited chastisement which my imprudence has brought upon me?
_Mr. J. N_. Certainly. I repeat I do not wish to make your sentence any heavier by forcing a hard construction upon it. I give you a week to make all arrangements necessary for your peace of mind and your bodily comfort.
_Mr. L_. I thank your lordship. [Exit.
[The case of MARY PINCH called.]
_Mr. Hungary, Q.C_. I am for the prosecution, my lord, instructed by the Secretary of State for the Home Department. (JUDGE bites his pen and nods.) My lord, and gentlemen of the Jury, although this case may seem to some ill-judging persons a trivial one, I think you will be able to see before it is over that it is really important in its bearing on the welfare of society, the welfare of the public; that is, of the respectable public,--of the respectable public, gentlemen. For in these days, when the spirit of discontent is so widespread, all illegal actions have, so to say, a political bearing, my lord, and all illegal actions are wicked, gentlemen of the Jury, since they tend towards the insecurity of society, or in other words, are definitely aimed at the very basis of all morality and religion. Therefore, my lord, I have received instructions from the Home Secretary to prosecute this woman, who, as I shall be able to prove to you, gentlemen of the Jury, by the testimony of three witnesses occupying responsible official positions, has been guilty of a breach at once of the laws of the country and the dictates of morality, and has thereby seriously inconvenienced a very respectable tradesman, nay (_looking at his brief_) three respectable tradesmen. I shall be able to show, gentlemen, that this woman has stolen three loaves of bread: (_impressively_) not one, gentlemen, but three.
A Voice. She's got three children, you palavering blackguard!
[Confusion.
_Mr. Justice N_. (_who has made an elaborate show of composing himself to slumber since the counsel began, here wakes up and cries out_) Arrest that man, officer; I will commit him, and give him the heaviest punishment that the law allows of.
[The USHER _dives among the audience amidst great confusion, but comes back empty-handed_.
_J. N_. A most dangerous disturbance! A most dangerous disturbance!
_Mr. H_. Gentlemen of the Jury, in confirmation of my remarks on the spirit that is abroad, I call your attention to the riot which has just taken place, endangering, I doubt not, the life of his lordship, and your own lives, gentlemen, so valuable to--to--to--in short, to yourselves. Need I point out to you at any length, then, the danger of allowing criminals, offenders against the sacred rights of property, to go at large? This incident speaks for me, and I have now nothing to do but let the witnesses speak for themselves. Gentlemen of the Jury, I do not ask you to convict on insufficient evidence; but I do ask you not to be swayed by any false sentiment bearing reference to the so-called smallness of the offence, or the poverty of the offender. The law is made for the poor as well as for the rich, for the rich as well as for the poor. The poor man has no more right to shelter himself behind his poverty, than the rich man behind his riches. In short, gentlemen of the Jury, what I ask you in all confidence to do, is to do justice and fear not.--I call Sergeant Sticktoit.
[SERGEANT STICKTOIT sworn.
_Mr. H_. Well, sergeant, you saw this woman steal the loaves?
Sticktoit. Yes, sir.
_Mr. H_. All of them?
St. Yes, all.
_Mr. H_. From different shops, or from one?
St. From three different shops.
_Mr. H_. Yes, just so. (_Aside_: Then why the devil did he say from one shop when his evidence was taken before?) (To ST.) You were an eye- witness of that? You noticed her take all three loaves?
St. (_Aside_: He wants me to say from three different shops; I'm sure I don't know why. Anyhow, I'll say it--and swear it.) (_To the Court_) Yes, I was an eye-witness of the deed; (_pompously_) I followed her, and then I took her.
_Mr. H_. Yes, then you took her. Please tell the Court how.
St. (_Aside_: Let's see, what did we agree was the likeliest way?) (_To Court_) I saw her take the first loaf and hide it in her shawl; and then the second one; and the second one tumbled down into the mud; and she picked it up again and wiped it with her shawl; and then she took the third; and when she tried to put that with the two others they all three tumbled down; and as she stooped down to pick them up it seemed the best time to take her, as the two constables had come up;