The Tables Turned

Tables Turned, The

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Title: The Tables Turned or, Nupkins Awakened. A Socialist Interlude
Author: William Morris

Release Date: October 18, 2005 [eBook #16897]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII)
***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TABLES TURNED***

Transcribed from the 1887 Office of "The Commonweal" edition by David Price, email [email protected]

THE TABLES TURNED; or, Nupkins Awakened
[Title page: title.jpg]
A Socialist Interlude BY WILLIAM MORRIS AUTHOR OF 'THE EARTHLY PARADISE.'
_As for the first time played at the Hall of the Socialist League on Saturday October 15, 1887_
LONDON: OFFICE OF "THE COMMONWEAL" 13 FARRINGDON ROAD, E.C. 1887
All Rights Reserved.

ORIGINAL CAST.
_DRAMATIS PERSONAE--
PART I_.
Mr. La-di-da (_found guilty of swindling_) . . . H. BARTLETT.
Mr. Justice Nupkins . . . W. BLUNDELL.
Mr. Hungary, Q.C. (_Counsel for the Prosecution_) . . . W. H. UTLEY.
Sergeant Sticktoit (_Witness for Prosecution_) . . . JAMES ALLMAN.
Constable Potlegoff (_Witness for Prosecution_) . . . H. B. TARLETON.
Constable Strongithoath (_Witness for Prosecution_) . . . J. FLOCKTON.
Mary Pinch (_a labourer's wife, accused of theft_) . . . MAY MORRIS.
Foreman of Jury . . . T. CANTWELL.
Jack Freeman (_a Socialist, accused of conspiracy, sedition, and obstruction of the highway_) . . . H. H. SPARLING.
Archbishop of Canterbury (_Witness for Defence_) . . . W. MORRIS.
Lord Tennyson (_Witness for Defence_) . . . A. BROOKES.
Professor Tyndall (_Witness for Defence_) . . . H. BARTLETT.
William Joyce (_a Socialist Ensign_) . . . H. A. BARKER.
Usher . . . J. LANE.
Clerk of the Court . . . J. TURNER.
Jurymen, Interrupters, Revolutionists, etc., etc.
* * * * *
_DRAMATIS PERSONAE.--
PART II_.
Citizen Nupkins (_late Justice_) . . . W. BLUNDELL,
Mary Pinch . . . MAY MORRIS.
William Joyce (_late Socialist Ensign_) . . . H. A. BARKER.
Jack Freeman . . . H. H. SPARLING.
1st Neighbour . . . H. B. TARLETON.
2nd Neighbour . . . J. LANE.
3rd Neighbour . . . H. GRAHAM.
Robert Pinch, and other Neighbours, Men and Women.


PART I.
SCENE.--A Court of Justice.
USHER, CLERK OF THE COURT, MR. HUNGARY, Q.C., and others. MR. LA-DI- DA, _the prisoner, not in the dock, but seated in a chair before it_. [Enter MR. JUSTICE NUPKINS.
Usher. Silence!--silence!
_Mr. Justice Nupkins_. Prisoner at the bar, you have been found guilty by a jury, after a very long and careful consideration of your remarkable and strange case, of a very serious offence; an offence which squeamish moralists are apt to call robbing the widow and orphan; a cant phrase also, with which I hesitate to soil my lips, designates this offence as swindling. You will permit me to remark that the very fact that such nauseous and improper words can be used about the conduct of a gentleman shows how far you have been led astray from the path traced out for the feet of a respectable member of society. Mr. La-di-da, if you were less self-restrained, less respectful, less refined, less of a gentleman, in short, I might point out to you with more or less severity the disastrous consequences of your conduct; but I cannot doubt, from the manner in which you have borne yourself during the whole of this trial, that you are fully impressed with the seriousness of the occasion. I shall say no more then, but perform the painful duty which devolves on me of passing sentence on you. I am compelled in doing so to award you a term of imprisonment; but I shall take care that you shall not be degraded by contamination with thieves and rioters, and other coarse persons, or share the diet and treatment which is no punishment to persons used to hard living: that would be to inflict a punishment on you not intended by the law, and would cast a stain on your character not easily wiped away. I wish you to return to that society of which you have up to this untoward event formed an ornament without any such stain. You will, therefore, be imprisoned as a first-class misdemeanant for the space of one calendar month; and I trust that during the retirement thus enforced upon you, which to a person of your resources should not be very irksome, you will reflect on the rashness, the incaution, the impropriety, in one word, of your conduct, and that you will never be discovered again appropriating to your personal use money which has been entrusted to your care by your friends and relatives.
_Mr. La-di-da_. I thank you, my lord, for your kindness and consideration. May I be allowed to ask you to add to your kindness by permitting me to return to my home and make