The Statesmen Snowbound | Page 7

it, but I
imagine that some recent legislation down there has greatly upset him.
He looked rather downcast when I last saw him, and refused
nourishment either in solid or liquid form. And then he said, eyeing me
solemnly, "'Times is right porely down our way, boss. Things don't lap.
De chinquapin crap done gin out 'fore de simmons is ripe!' Now, boy,
don't ask me how things are going in my State. You know as much
about it as I do. Let the old man alone, won't you?" and so I left him.
"Well, Colonel, how do you feel now?" asked Senator Bull solicitously.
"Oh, I'm all right," replied the Colonel, suspicion lurking in his tones.
"I know what you think, Senator, but I am not. No, siree! I have had
three or four small ones, but I am not 'lit' by a jugful! The idea! Drunk

on four high-balls! Why, they just clear my brain--drive the fog out.
Maybe it's the Scotch, maybe the soda. A fine combination, the
high-ball. I am as stupid as an owl when I am cold sober, but when I
drink, I soar! I feel like a lark with nothing between myself and the sun
except a little fresh air and exercise. Oh, there's nothing the matter with
me; any one can see that.
"It's funny how small this world is, and how time flies. I supposed you
all noticed the tall, bald-headed man with the spectacles who ran up and
hugged me to-day. Ain't he the ugly one? His ma certainly did hand his
pa a lemon when he was born. Why, if I had been a long-lost brother he
could not have been gladder to see me. Well, I was glad to see him, too,
but the sight of him called up memories at once humiliating and
smile-provoking. Senator, may I trouble you to depress the business
end of that syphon? Thank you. Now, that fellow's name is
Seymour--that's why he wears specs, I suppose--and he rattles around
in the chair of Applied Science at Jay College, this State. Not much of
an institution, and still less of a job, I imagine, and poor Seymour's
salary quite in keeping. If there ever was any one deserving a Carnegie
medal, Seymour is the chap. He studied medicine once, and graduated
high up, but he never practised his profession! That's saving lives for
you. Can you beat it?
"Well, Harry was a protégé, or something of the sort, of our late friend
Thurlow. And, as I said, I beheld his honest, glowing countenance with
mixed feelings. But it is a long story--a long story----" and the Colonel
paused as if seeking encouragement to proceed.
It was forthcoming.
"We would like very much to hear it," said Senator Wendell gravely;
"that is, of course, if it involves no sacrifice of your feelings. We are all
friends here, and will go at once into executive session. Let all who
have a story to tell, an anecdote to relate, or a joke to perpetrate, feel
free to do so. The galleries shall be cleared, and reporters and the public
excluded--metaphorically speaking," he added hastily, turning to the
newspaper men, who wore a pained expression, "metaphorically
speaking, of course." The skies journalistic cleared at once, and then

Colonel Manysnifters, a born diplomat, whispered to the waiting porter,
who nodded knowingly, and disappeared.
"Senator, I thank you. You relieve the situation. I am a modest man, sir,
and hesitate to talk about myself even among friends; but since you all
insist, there is nothing for me to do but yield as gracefully as I
may--and as a yielder I glitter in the front rank. My experience,
gentlemen, was a peculiar one, and I think it will hold you for a while.
"It was during that never-to-be-forgotten session of Congress which
lasted almost up to the time for getting together again. Cleveland was
on the thro--in the White House, I mean--and I was looking after things
up at the big building on Capitol Hill.
"One day in the latter part of June, when the sun was firing up for a real
old-fashioned Washington summer, and the thermometer about four
degrees below Jackson City, a number of my constituents came on to
see me, and after we had transacted certain important business I
undertook to show the boys the town; and in the party was this fellow,
Professor Seymour.
"We started out one broiling afternoon upon our giddy round of
pleasure, and, after keeping up the festivities all night and a portion of
the next day, I became separated from my friends in some
unaccountable way, and toward evening found myself wandering down
town near the wharves. It was very dusty and close, and the
temperature a slice of Hades served up