The Statesmen Snowbound | Page 6

when the Populists
come in we are going out of business. So there may be some truth in it
after all. What say you, Sammy boy?" Mr. Ridley nodded gravely. "In
Washington Sammy is invited everywhere, but society is not his strong
point. He won't get in the swim."
"I'd rather not be 'in the swim' than swim in dirty water," said the
private secretary brusquely. "But speaking of the Senator; there, friends,
is certainly an all-around heavy-weight."
"Sammy, Sammy," said the Senator reproachfully. "I see you are
getting back at me. I didn't think it of you. No bouquets, if you please.
As a matter of fact, gentlemen, I feel that I am growing beautifully less
every day; I have noticed it ever since I came to Washington. I haven't
been in the Senate long enough to amount to anything, if I ever do. We
new people are only in demand when there is a vote to be taken. We are
put on minor committees, and are thankful for any crumbs that fall
from the great man's table. I am a very small spar in the ship of state. It
takes all the conceit out of a fellow when he finds how little he amounts
to in Washington. He leaves his own part of the world a giant, puffed

up with pride and importance; but the shrinking process begins as soon
as the train rolls out of the home depot. It comes on like an attack of the
ague--you are first hot, then cold, then colder still. You shiver and
shake----"
"For drinks?" murmured one of the newspaper men absently.
"Well--yes," replied the Senator, smiling. "I hadn't thought of that.
Very neatly put. Quite true. And, as I say, he shivers and shakes--for
drinks--loses, and loses--pays for them, and by the time he reaches
Washington he and his pocket-book are several sizes below normal."
The humble attitude of this, one of America's wealthiest and most
influential men, was edifying but scarcely convincing. The newspaper
men looked at one another dubiously. Perhaps, they thought, when the
Senator's magnificent house in the West End was completed, and his
wife and daughters came over from Paris, the poor fellow would not be
so lonely and neglected. He was a fine man, and it seemed too bad that
he should be so side-tracked.
"Quite true, Senator," agreed Representative Holloway, "and matters
are even worse in the House. There are more of us there, and the mere
individual is more dwarf-like than over in the Senate. We are treated
like a lot of naughty school-boys, and when we meekly beg leave 'to
speak out in meetin'' we are practically told to shut up and sit down.
The new comer is the victim of much quiet hazing on the part of his
colleagues,--ably aided and abetted by the Speaker,--but he soon learns
the ropes, and quickly effaces himself. He reserves his babble for the
cloak-room and hotel lobby; yet, to many of his constituents, he is still
a great man. There is no sadder sight in the world than the
newly-fledged Congressman in the throes of his maiden speech,
delivered to a half-filled House, busily reading the papers, talking,
writing, or absorbed in thought. An official stenographer, right under
his nose, wearily jots down the effort, and the real audience consists of
a few bored friends in the galleries who smile uneasily now and then,
and wonder what it is all about, and how long the blamed thing is going
to last. Anyway, he gets it in the Record for free distribution to
thousands of constituents, who read it, perhaps, and try to imagine why

'Applause' is tagged on to the finish."
"A gloomy picture, but not overdrawn," sighed one of the Kentucky
delegation. "Here's looking at you, Holloway," he added, more
cheerfully, "here's looking at you."

III
COLONEL MANYSNIFTERS--AN OUTING WITH THE "JEWELS"
Colonel Manysnifters, who had been quietly smoking a little apart from
the group, now drew up and joined us. He had been imbibing rather
freely since we left the station, but with the exception of a somewhat
suspicious silence, had shown no further effects of his efforts in behalf
of the Whiskey Trust. The Colonel's resemblance to Uncle Sam (as
popularly portrayed) was so striking that children taken to the Capitol
for the first time would shout with glee when he was pointed out to
them. Rural visitors went home satisfied that the country was safe--they
had seen Uncle Sam on hand, sober, and 'tending to business!' A friend
once said to him, "Manysnifters, you look so much like Uncle Sam that
whenever I see you on a jag I feel like this great nation of ours is going
to hell!"
Georgia is the Colonel's native State, and he is proud of