The Silly Syclopedia | Page 2

THING OF BEAUTY. A joy forever until we get used to it.
ALCOHOL. The forefather of a hold-over. Boozerine, in the raw state.
From the Latin words alco and haul, meaning "he is soused to the
booby hatches, haul him to the alcove." (See Lord Macaulay's Jags of
Ancient Rome.)
AMBITION. The only disease which laziness can cure.
AMUSEMENT. The hard work a man does on the golf links to give
himself an appetite for sausage links.
ANGEL. Something behind a show--and always something behind.
APE. To imitate. For instance: The man who imitates his betters is the
easiest man to make a monkey of.
APPLAUSE. The fuss which we think the world ought to make over us
for doing our duty.
AUTOMOBILE. A horseless idea which makes people go fast and the

money go faster. A tide in the affairs of man which, taken between the
shoulder blades and the curbstone, leads on to the hospital.
AXE-GRINDING. The art practiced by those who give you a cookie so
they can touch you for a barrel of flour. The axe-grinding industry had
its origin in the Garden of Eden. The Serpent was extremely partial to
Autumn, so he gave Eve a nice red apple, and in exchange she gave the
Serpent an early Fall. (See Lord Macaulay, page 34.)
[Illustration]
AIRSHIP. A machine invented for the purpose of flying through the
newspapers.
* * * * *
See M. Santos Dumont. In case he isn't in when you call a part of his
autobiography is printed herewith: "My first yearning," writes M.
Santos--see page 97--"was for an opportunity to rise in the world.
"When but a little boy my dearest wish was to get up to the top of the
ladder and then have someone remove the ladder. If I stayed up I knew
I was successful. If I came down I didn't know anything for a week or
two."
The reader will notice a peculiarity about this gentleman's name. It
starts off with "M" and then there is eight bars rest until it comes to
Santos. This is a French custom. Every man in France begins his first
name with "M" and then refuses to tell the rest of it. It seems such a
stingy habit.
Let us quote more from M. Dumont's own story:
"My first desire to get off the earth happened while I was extremely
young.
"One day while out in the Brazilian diamond fields picking the luscious
white stones from the trees it suddenly occurred to me what a frivolous
life I was leading.
"Diamonds, diamonds everywhere and not a place to pawn.
"I became restless.
"My father owned the diamond plantation so I went to him and
explained what a tired feeling I had, and how I longed to rise in the
world.
"Father at once turned about fifteen volts into his right shoe and I rose
for a distance of four feet.
"I returned almost immediately, but this short flying trip made a deep

impression upon my mind, and otherwise.
"Ten years later I left home just to convince my father that I could rise
in the world without his kindly collaboration.
"One day while in New York I went up to the fifty-ninth floor of a
sky-remover building.
"The elevator was extremely nervous that day.
"While coming down I was pained and surprised to observe that my
stomach did not travel with me.
"I spoke to the _charge d'affaires_ of the elevator about it.
"I complained bitterly to him about such an inhuman invention which
rushed through space with a man's exterior and left his interior to bump
its way downstairs.
"The _charge d'affaires_ of the elevator told me if I did not like it to get
out and fly.
"That was the inspiration which drove me to build the flying machine.
"Two weeks later I went to Paris, because that is the flyest city in the
world."

[Illustration: "B--A Skin Game."]
Beauty is only a skin game after all.
Bad beginners make bad finishers.
Birds of a feather flock together on the theatre hats.
Be sure you're ahead--then go right.
* * * * *
### B: The second letter of the alphabet. It is called a vocal labial
consonant, which, no doubt, serves it right. ###
* * * * *
BAA. To make a noise like a sheep.
BOW-WOW. To make a noise like a dog.
BIFF. To make a noise like a boxing glove.
[Illustration]
BAGGAGE. Two shirts, some underwear, one suit of clothes, six
collars and a hair brush which you lost somewhere between here and
Chicago.
BAD ACTOR. A man who is egged on by ambition and egged off by
the audience.
BADINAGE. Light or playful discourse. For example. "Why does a

chicken cross the street? Because the