The Romancers | Page 4

[Doing likewise] Pasquinot! [They embrace.]
PASQUINOT. How are you?
BERGAMIN. Pretty well.
PASQUINOT. How's your gout?
BERGAMIN. Better. And how is your cold?
PASQUINOT. Still troubles me, devil take it!
BERGAMIN. Well, the marriage is arranged!
PASQUINOT. What?
BERGAMIN. I heard everything--I was hidden in the bushes. They
adore each other!
PASQUINOT. Bravo!
BERGAMIN. We must bring matters to a head. [He rubs his hands.]
Ha, ha! Now we can do as we had planned--
PASQUINOT. Yes, and tear down the wall.
BERGAMIN. And live together.
PASQUINOT. Joining our properties.
BERGAMIN. By marrying our children. But I wonder whether they
would be so anxious if they knew we wished it? A marriage arranged
beforehand is not so tempting to two young children so romantic as
ours. That is why we kept our own wishes a secret. I felt sure that after
they had been separated--Sylvette in the convent, Percinet at
school--they would thrive on their secret love. That is how I came to
invent this hatred of ours. And you even doubted its success! Now all
we have to do is to say Yes.

PASQUINOT. But how can it be done? Remember, I've called you a
scoundrel, fool, idiot--
BERGAMIN. Idiot? Scoundrel was sufficient.
PASQUINOT. Now what pretext--?
BERGAMIN. Your daughter herself has given me an inspiration. This
evening they are to meet here at eight. Percinet comes first. At the
moment Sylvette appears, mysterious men in black will emerge from
the shadows and start to carry her off. An abduction! She screams, then
our young hero gives chase, draws his sword--the ravishers pretend to
flee--I arrive on the scene, then you--your daughter is safe and sound.
You bless the couple and drop a few appropriate tears; my heart is
softened. Tableau.
PASQUINOT. A stroke of genius.
BERGAMIN. [Modestly] Yes--I think it really is. Look--see that man
coming? It's Straforel, the bravado whom I wrote to a few minutes ago.
He is to superintend the abduction.
[STRAFOREL, in an elaborate swordsman's costume, appears at the
back of BERGAMIN's park, and swaggers down-stage.]
BERGAMIN. [Descending from the wall and bowing low to
STRAFOREL] Allow me to introduce you to my friend Pasquinot.
STRAFOREL. [Bowing] Monsieur! [He raises his head and sees no
PASQUINOT.]
BERGAMIN. [Pointing to PASQUINOT on the crest of the wall]
There, on the wall!--Now, my dear master, does my plan meet with
your approval?
STRAFOREL. It does. It is most simple.
BERGAMIN. You must act quickly, you understand?

STRAFOREL. And say nothing!
BERGAMIN. A make-believe abduction and stage-fight with swords.
STRAFOREL. I understand perfectly.
BERGAMIN. You must have skilful swordsmen--I can't have my boy
hurt. He is my only child!
STRAFOREL. I will see to that myself.
BERGAMIN. Good. In that case, I shall fear nothing.
PASQUINOT. [Aside to BERGAMIN] Ask him the price?
BERGAMIN. For an abduction, Maestro, how much do you charge?
STRAFOREL. That depends, Monsieur, on the kind you wish; we have
them at all prices. In an affair of this kind however, nothing should be
spared. If I were in your place, I should have a first-class abduction.
BERGAMIN. [Surprised] Then you have many classes?
STRAFOREL. Indeed I have. I have the ordinary vulgar abduction in a
cab, with two men dressed in black--that's rarely used; the daylight
abduction, the midnight abduction; the pompous abduction in a court
carriage, with powdered servants--wigs are extra--with mutes, negroes,
brigands, musketeers, anything you like! The abduction in a post-chaise,
with two, three, four, five, horses, ad lib.; the discreet and quiet
abduction, in a small carriage-- that one's rather lugubrious; the
rollicking abduction, in which the victim is carried away in a sack; the
romantic abduction in a boat--but a lake is necessary!--the Venetian
abduction, in a gondola--ah, you have no lagoon! Moonlight abduction,
or the abduction on a dark and starless night--those moonlight
abductions are quite the style, though they are a little dear!--Besides
these, there is the abduction by torch-light, with cries and screams, and
class and shock of arms; the brutal abduction, the polite abduction; the
classical one with masks; the gallant abduction to the accompaniment

of music; but the latest, most stylish, gayest of all, is the sedan-chair
abduction!
BERGAMIN. [Scratching his head--aside to PASQUINOT] Well, what
do you think?
PASQUINOT. Hm, what do you?
BERGAMIN. I think that we should do everything in the best possible
way, no expense spared. Let us give our young romancers something
they'll not soon forget. Let's have it with masks, dark mantles, torches,
music, and a sedan-chair!
STRAFOREL. [Taking notes] A first-class, then, with all extras.
BERGAMIN. That's it.
STRAFOREL. I shall return soon. [To PASQUINOT] Remember,
Monsieur, to leave open the door of your park to-night.
BERGAMIN. Very well, it shall be done.
STRAFOREL. [Bowing] My compliments. [Turning to go] One
first-class--with extras. [He goes out.]
PASQUINOT. The