The Puritain Widow | Page 9

for my left ear
burns most tyrannically.
PYE. Captain Idle, what's he there? he looks like a Monkey upward,
and a Crane down-ward.
CAPTAIN. Pshaw, a foolish Cousin of mine; I must thank God for
him.
PYE. Why, the better subject to work a scape upon; thou shalt o'en
change clothes with him, and leave him here, and so--
CAPTAIN. Push, I publish't him e'en now to my Corporal: he will be
damned, ere he do me so much good; why, I know a more proper, a
more handsome device than that, if the slave would be sociable. Now,
goodman Fleer-face.
NICHOLAS. Oh, my Cousin begins to speak to me now: I shall be
acquainted with him again, I hope.
SKIRMISH. Look what ridiculous Raptures take hold of his wrinkles.
PYE. Then, what say you to this device? a happy one, Captain?

CAPTAIN. Speak low, George; Prison Rats have wider ears than those
in Malt-lofts.
NICHOLAS. Cousin, if it lay in my power, as they say--to--do--
CAPTAIN. Twould do me an exceeding pleasure, indeed, that, but
ne'er talk forder on't: the fool will be hang'd, ere he do't.
[To the Corporal.]
CORPORAL. Pax, I'll thump 'im to't.
PYE. Why, do but try the Fopster, and break it to him bluntly.
CAPTAIN. And so my disgrace will dwell in his Jaws, and the slave
slaver out our purpose to his Master, for would I were but as sure on't
as I am sure he will deny to do't.
NICHOLAS. I would be heartily glad, Cousin, if any of my friendships,
as they say, might--stand--ah--
PYE. Why, you see he offers his friendship foolishly to you already.
CAPTAIN. Aye, that's the hell on't, I would he would offer it wisely.
NICHOLAS. Verily, and indeed la, Cousin--
CAPTAIN. I have took note of thy fleers a good while: if thou art
minded to do me good--as thou gapst upon me comfortably, and giv'st
me charitable faces, which indeed is but a fashion in you all that are
Puritains--wilt soon at night steal me thy Master's chain?
NICHOLAS. Oh, I shall swoon!
PYE. Corporal, he starts already.
CAPTAIN. I know it to be worth three hundred Crowns, and with the
half of that I can buy my life at a Brokers, at second hand, which now
lies in pawn to th' Law: if this thou refuse to do, being easy and nothing
dangerous, in that thou art held in good opinion of thy Master, why tis a
palpable Argument thou holdst my life at no price, and these thy
broken and unioynted offers are but only created in thy lip, now borne,
and now buried, foolish breath only. What, woult do't? shall I look for
happiness in thy answer?
NICHOLAS. Steal my Master's chain, qu'the? no, it shall ne'er be said,
that Nicholas Saint Tantlings committed Bird-lime!
CAPTAIN. Nay, I told you as much; did I not? tho he be a Puritain, yet
he will be a true man.
NICHOLAS. Why, Cousin, you know tis written, thou shalt not steal.
CAPTAIN. Why, and fool, thou shalt love thy Neighbour, and help him
in extremities.

NICHOLAS. Mass, I think it be, indeed: in what Chapter's that,
Cousin?
CAPTAIN. Why, in the first of Charity, the 2. Verse.
NICHOLAS. The first of Charity, quatha! that's a good jest; there's no
such
Chapter in
my book!
CAPTAIN. No, I knew twas torn out of thy Book, and that makes so
little in thy heart.
PYE. Come, let me tell you, ya're too unkind a Kinsman, yfaith; the
Captain loving you so dearly, aye, like the Pomwater of his eye, and
you to be so uncomfortable: fie, fie.
NICHOLAS. Pray, do not wish me to be hangd: any thing else that I
can do, had it been to rob, I would ha don't; but I must not steal: that's
the word, the literal, thou shalt not steal; and would you wish me to
steal, then?
PYE. No, faith, that were too much, to speak truth: why, woult thou
nim it from him?
NICHOLAS. That I will!
PYE. Why, ynough, bully; he shall be content with that, or he shall ha
none; let me alone with him now! Captain, I ha dealt with your
Kins-man in a Corner; a good, kind-natured fellow, me thinks: go to,
you shall not have all your own asking, you shall bate somewhat on't:
he is not contented absolutely, as you would say, to steal the chain from
him,-- but to do you a pleasure, he will nim it from him.
NICHOLAS. Aye, that I will, Cousin.
CAPTAIN. Well, seeing he will do no more, as far as I see, I must be
contented with that.
CORPORAL. Here's no notable gullery!
PYE. Nay, I'll come nearer to you, Gentleman: because we'll have only
but a help