The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D., Vol. III. | Page 8

forbid us to pronounce the
words _pox, gout, rheumatism_ and _stone_, would that expedient
serve like so many talismans to destroy the diseases themselves? Are
party and faction rooted in men's hearts no deeper than phrases
borrowed from religion, or founded upon no firmer principles? And is
our language so poor that we cannot find other terms to express them?
Are _envy, pride, avarice_ and ambition such ill nomenclators, that
they cannot furnish appellations for their owners? Will not heydukes
and _mamalukes, mandarins_ and _patshaws_, or any other words
formed at pleasure, serve to distinguish those who are in the ministry
from others who would be in it if they could? What, for instance, is
easier than to vary the form of speech, and instead of the word church,
make it a question in politics, whether the Monument be in danger?
Because religion was nearest at hand to furnish a few convenient
phrases, is our invention so barren, we can find no other? Suppose, for
argument sake, that the Tories favoured Margarita, the Whigs Mrs.
Tofts,[11] and the Trimmers[12] Valentini,[13] would not
_Margaritians, Toftians,_ and Valentinians be very tolerable marks of
distinction? The Prasini and _Veniti,_[14] two most virulent factions in
Italy, began (if I remember right) by a distinction of colours in ribbons,
which we might do with as good a grace[15] about the dignity of the
blue and the green, and would serve as properly to divide the Court, the
Parliament, and the Kingdom between them, as any terms of art
whatsoever, borrowed from religion. And therefore I think, there is
little force in this objection against Christianity, or prospect of so great
an advantage as is proposed in the abolishing of it.
[Footnote 11: Margarita was a famous Italian singer of the day. Her
name was Francesca Margherita de l'Epine, and she was known as "the
Italian woman." In his "Journal to Stella" for August 6th, 1711, Swift
writes: "We have a music meeting in our town [Windsor] to-night. I
went to the rehearsal of it, and there was Margarita and her sister, and
another drab, and a parcel of fiddlers; I was weary, and would not go to
the meeting, which I am sorry for, because I heard it was a great
assembly." (See present edition, vol. ii. p. 219).
Mrs. Catherine Tofts was an Englishwoman, who also sang in Italian
opera. She had a fine figure and a beautiful voice. Steele in the
"Tatler," No. 20, refers to her when in her state of insanity. Her mind,

evidently, could not stand the strain of her great popularity, and she
became mad in 1709. In the "Tatler" she is called Camilla; and Cibber
also speaks of the "silver tone of her voice." [T.S.]]
[Footnote 12: By the Trimmers Swift referred to the nickname given to
the party in the time of Charles II., which consisted of those who
wished to compromise between the advocates of the Crown and the
supporters of the Protestant succession as against the Duke of York.
[T.S.]]
[Footnote 13: Another Italian singer of the time, who was the rival of
Margarita and Mrs. Tofts. [T.S.]]
[Footnote 14: This refers to the Roman chariot races. They gave rise to
the factions called _Albati, Russati, Prasini,_ and _Veniti._ The Prasini
(green) and Veniti (blue) were the principal, and their rivalry landed the
empire, under Justinian, in a civil war. [T.S.]]
[Footnote 15: Scott has "and we might contend with as good a grace,"
&c. Craik follows Scott. The reading in the text is that of the
"Miscellanies" (1711), Faulkner, and Hawkesworth. [T.S.]]
'Tis again objected, as a very absurd ridiculous custom, that a set of
men should be suffered, much less employed and hired, to bawl one
day in seven against the lawfulness of those methods most in use
toward the pursuit of greatness, riches and pleasure, which are the
constant practice of all men alive on the other six. But this objection is,
I think, a little unworthy so refined an age as ours. Let us argue this
matter calmly: I appeal to the breast of any polite freethinker, whether
in the pursuit of gratifying a predominant passion, he hath not always
felt a wonderful incitement, by reflecting it was a thing forbidden; and
therefore we see, in order to cultivate this taste, the wisdom of the
nation hath taken special care, that the ladies should be furnished with
prohibited silks, and the men with prohibited wine. And indeed it were
to be wished, that some other prohibitions were promoted, in order to
improve the pleasures of the town; which, for want of such expedients
begin already, as I am told, to flag and grow languid, giving way daily
to cruel inroads from the spleen.
'Tis likewise proposed as a great advantage to the