The Prose Works of Jonathan Swift, D.D., Vol. III. | Page 7

by Henry
VIII. [T.S.]]
It is likewise urged, that there are, by computation, in this kingdom,
above ten thousand parsons, whose revenues added to those of my lords
the bishops, would suffice to maintain at least two hundred young
gentlemen of wit and pleasure, and freethinking, enemies to priestcraft,
narrow principles, pedantry, and prejudices; who might be an ornament
to the Court and Town: And then, again, so great a number of able
[bodied] divines might be a recruit to our fleet and armies. This indeed
appears to be a consideration of some weight: But then, on the other
side, several things deserve to be considered likewise: As, first, whether
it may not be thought necessary that in certain tracts of country, like
what we call parishes, there shall be one man at least of abilities to read
and write. Then it seems a wrong computation, that the revenues of the
Church throughout this island would be large enough to maintain two
hundred young gentlemen, or even half that number, after the present
refined way of living; that is, to allow each of them such a rent, as in
the modern form of speech, would make them easy. But still there is in
this project a greater mischief behind; and we ought to beware of the
woman's folly, who killed the hen that every morning laid her a golden
egg. For, pray what would become of the race of men in the next age, if
we had nothing to trust to beside the scrofulous, consumptive
productions, furnished by our men of wit and pleasure, when, having
squandered away their vigour, health and estates, they are forced by
some disagreeable marriage to piece up their broken fortunes, and
entail rottenness and politeness on their posterity? Now, here are ten
thousand persons reduced by the wise regulations of Henry the
Eighth,[9] to the necessity of a low diet, and moderate exercise, who
are the only great restorers of our breed, without which the nation
would in an age or two become one great hospital.
[Footnote 9: His seizures of the revenues of the Church. [T.S.]]
Another advantage proposed by the abolishing of Christianity, is the
clear gain of one day in seven, which is now entirely lost, and
consequently the kingdom one seventh less considerable in trade,

business, and pleasure, besides the loss to the public of so many stately
structures now in the hands of the Clergy, which might be converted
into playhouses, exchanges, market houses, common dormitories, and
other public edifices.
I hope I shall be forgiven a hard word, if I call this a perfect _cavil._ I
readily own there has been an old custom time out of mind, for people
to assemble in the churches every Sunday, and that shops are still
frequently shut, in order as it is conceived, to preserve the memory of
that ancient practice, but how this can prove a hindrance to business or
pleasure, is hard to imagine. What if the men of pleasure are forced one
day in the week, to game at home instead of the chocolate houses?[10]
Are not the taverns and coffeehouses open? Can there be a more
convenient season for taking a dose of physic? Are fewer claps got
upon Sundays than other days? Is not that the chief day for traders to
sum up the accounts of the week, and for lawyers to prepare their briefs?
But I would fain know how it can be pretended that the churches are
misapplied? Where are more appointments and rendezvouzes of
gallantry? Where more care to appear in the foremost box with greater
advantage of dress? Where more meetings for business? Where more
bargains driven of all sorts? And where so many conveniences or
enticements to sleep?
[Footnote 10: The chocolate houses seem to have been largely used for
gambling purposes. They were not so numerous as the coffee houses.
[T.S.]]
There is one advantage greater than any of the foregoing, proposed by
the abolishing of Christianity: that it will utterly extinguish parties
among us, by removing those factious distinctions of High and Low
Church, of Whig and Tory, Presbyterian and Church of England, which
are now so many mutual clogs upon public proceedings, and are apt to
prefer the gratifying themselves, or depressing their adversaries, before
the most important interest of the state.
I confess, if it were certain that so great an advantage would redound to
the nation by this expedient, I would submit and be silent: But will any
man say, that if the words _whoring, drinking, cheating, lying,
stealing_, were by act of parliament ejected out of the English tongue
and dictionaries, we should all awake next morning chaste and
temperate, honest and just, and lovers of truth? Is this a fair

consequence? Or, if the physicians would