The Pacha of Many Tales | Page 3

it in his power to cut our throats whenever he
pleases--to wind up, the personal liberties arising from his profession,
render all others trifling; for the man who takes his sovereign by the
nose, cannot well after that be denied the liberty of speech.
Mustapha was a Greek by birth, and inherited all the intelligence and
adroitness of his race. He had been brought up to his profession when a
slave; but at the age of nineteen, he accompanied his master on board
of a merchant vessel bound to Scio; this vessel was taken by a pirate,
and Demetrius (for such was his real name) joined this band of
miscreants, and very faithfully served his apprenticeship to cutting
throats, until the vessel was captured by an English frigate. Being an
active, intelligent person, he was, at his own request, allowed to remain
on board as one of the ship's company, assisted in several actions, and
after three years went to England, where the ship was paid off. For
some time, Demetrius tried to make his fortune, but without success,
and it was not until he was reduced to nearly his last shilling, that he
commenced the trade of hawking rhubarb about in a box: which
speculation turned so profitable, that he was enabled in a short time to
take his passage in a vessel bound to Smyrna, his own country. This
vessel was captured by a French privateer; he was landed, and, not
being considered as a prisoner, allowed to act as he thought proper. In a
short time he obtained the situation of valet and barber to a
"millionaire," whom he contrived to rob of a few hundred Napoleons,
and with them to make his escape to his own country. Demetrius had
now some knowledge of the world, and he felt it necessary that he
should become a True Believer, as there would be more chance of his
advancement in a Turkish country. He dismissed the patriarch to the
devil, and took up the turban and Mahomet; then quitting the scene of
his apostasy, recommenced his profession of barber in the territory of
the pacha; whose good-will he had obtained previous to the latter's
advancement to the pachalik.
"Mustapha," observed the pacha, "thou knowest that I have taken off
the heads of all those who left their slippers at the door of the late
pacha."

"Allah Kebur! God is most powerful! So perish the enemies of your
sublime highness. Were they not the sons of Shitan?" replied Mustapha.
"Very true; but, Mustapha, the consequence is that I am in want of a
vizier; and whom do I know equal to that office?"
"While your sublime highness is pacha, is not a child equal to the office?
Who stumbles, when guided by unerring wisdom?"
"I know that very well," replied the pacha; "but if I am always to direct
him, I might as well be vizier myself; besides, I shall have no one to
blame, if affairs go wrong with the Sultan. Inshallah! please the Lord,
the vizier's head may sometimes save my own."
"Are we not as dogs before you?" replied Mustapha: "happy the man,
who, by offering his own head may preserve that of your sublime
highness! It ought to be the proudest day of his life."
"At all events it would be the last," rejoined the pacha.
"May it please your sublime highness," observed Mustapha, after a
pause, "if your slave may be so honoured as to speak in your presence,
a vizier should be a person of great tact; he should be able to draw the
line as nicely as I do when I shave your sublime head, leaving not a
vestige of the hair, yet entering not upon the skin."
"Very true, Mustapha."
"He should have a sharp eye for the disaffected to the government,
selecting them and removing them from among the crowd, as I do the
few white hairs which presume to make their appearance in your
sublime and magnificent beard."
"Very true, Mustapha."
"He should carefully remove all impurities from the state, as I have this
morning from your sublime ears."
"Very true, Mustapha."

"He should be well acquainted with the secret springs of action, as I
have proved myself to be in the shampooing which your sublime
highness has just received."
"Very true, Mustapha."
"Moreover, he should be ever grateful to your highness for the
distinguished honour conferred upon him."
"All that you say is very true, Mustapha, but where am I to meet with
such a man?"
"This world is convenient in some points," continued Mustapha; "if you
want either a fool or a knave, you have not far to go to find them; but it
is no easy task to select the person you require. I know but one."
"And who