The Mothers Recompense, Volume I. | Page 6

say," she said, with her usual playfulness, "of the
sad complaints that I have received the last few days from Miss
Harcourt, that she does not know what has come to you, from Mons.
Deville and Signer Rozzi? Now what am I to say or do to prove that
this Mademoiselle Emmeline does like Italian, and is not ill, as our
polite professors fancy? must I lecture as I did when she was an idle
little girl, and liked her play better than her studies? Suppose these
gentlemen are asked, which in all probability they certainly are, what
sort of pupils Mrs. Hamilton's daughters are; they ought to be
something out of the way, for we hear she has instructed them
principally herself. What answer will be given, what conclusions drawn,
if you do not exert yourself and prove that you can learn as well, when
you like, as your sister, and even quicker than your cousin?"
I felt so ashamed, dearest Mary, that I concealed my face on her
shoulder, and would not even look up to promise amendment, for I felt
I was not certain of myself; but when mamma spoke of my letter to you,
and asked me if I still wished to send it, or if I would not write another,
I made a desperate effort, and answered as well as I could--
"I will not write again to Mary, dear mamma, till I have conquered all
these silly and sinful feelings, and can write as usual; and to be quite
sure of myself, that I may not break my resolution, I promise you that
for six months I will not give myself the pleasure of addressing her, and
if even at the end of that time you do not think I have sufficiently
recovered my senses, which certainly appear to have deserted me, you

shall increase at your will my time of probation; I deserve some
privation for my ungrateful conduct, and the not writing to Mary now is
the greatest I can think of." I tried to appear very heroic as I made this
speech, but with all my efforts I completely failed. Mamma looked at
me a moment in surprise, but then, with more than usual fondness, she
strained me to her heart, and I felt a tear fall on my cheek.
"My own sweet child, my darling Emmeline!" she exclaimed, "I did not
expect this offered sacrifice, but I will accept it, my own love, and let
its pain he soothed to your affectionate heart by the knowledge that in
making it, you have given me the purest, most delicious sense of
pleasure you could bestow. We will not say six months," she added,
more playfully, "we will see what the middle or end of January brings.
You will then still have nearly four months to redeem your character. I
have not the slightest doubt that even before that period my Emmeline
will be herself." Oh, Mary, I felt so very happy as she thus spoke, that I
thought I must find it very easy to conquer myself, but I was mistaken,
painfully mistaken; I had encouraged despondency and gloom for so
long a period, that it required every exertion, in the very least, to
subdue it. I had chosen to waste my time, and be inattentive to all the
means of improvement which were offered me, and to command my
attention sufficiently to regain the good opinion of our sage professors
was most disagreeably difficult; but I was no longer afraid, to
encounter mamma's sorrowful or reproving glance, as I had been before,
and her fond encouragement and the marks of approval which both she
and papa bestowed, when I could not but feel I had done little to
deserve them, lightened the labour of my task, and by causing me to
wish earnestly to deserve their kindness, increased my efforts; and at
length, dearest Mary, these miserable feelings so completely departed
from me, that I was surprised to perceive how very nearly I could be as
happy in London as at dear Oakwood; quite as happy is impossible,
because I feel more and more how very much I prefer a quiet domestic
life in the country to London and society. You will perhaps smile as
mamma does, and say I am not introduced yet, and then I may change
my mind; but I do not think I shall. She prefers the country, so it will
not be very strange if I should; but when I see how completely, and yet
how cheerfully, she has given up her favourite residence and

employments, for the interests and happiness of her children, I feel
ashamed at the egregious selfishness which has been mine. Oh, Mary,
when shall I ever be like mamma? when can I