The Mind the Paint Girl | Page 9

Eddie!
FARNCOMBE.
[Bowing to DE CASTRO, who is now seated beside JIMMIE on the
settee in front of the writing-table.] How are you, Mr. de Castro? [To
JEYES, who is standing by the chair at the writing-table gnawing his
moustache and watching LILY and FARNCOMBE sourly.] How are
you, Captain Jeyes? [Turning to BLAND.] How are you, Mr. Bland?
[To LILY.] I've been talking to Mrs. Upjohn and Mr. Roper already.
LILY.
[Looking across to JIMMIE.] Miss Birch-- Lord Farncombe.
JIMMIE.
[Nodding to FARNCOMBE.] How d'ye do?
FARNCOMBE.
[Going to JIMMIE and shaking hands with her.] I-- I needn't say that I
am one of Miss Birch's warmest-- most profound----
JIMMIE.
[Smiling at him.] That's all right; don't you bother about that.
[MAUD returns, carrying a pair of silken slippers. VON
RETTENMAYER, who has come to LILY, makes a dart at the slippers
and takes them from MAUD.
VON RETTENMAYER.

Aha! Permid me.
MAUD.
Now, Baron----! [Slapping his arm.] Ha, ha, ha----!
[He pushes MAUD out of the room, she resisting laughingly, and closes
the door.
VON RETTENMAYER.
[Holding the slippers aloft.] Gendlemen! Homage to Beaudy! Vollow
me! Zam! Vinzent! Rober! Neego! Eddie! [The men put themselves
behind him, in single file, in the order in which he calls them, with the
exception of JEYES, who deliberately sits at the writing-table, and
FARNCOMBE, who is embarrassed. JIMMIE claps her hands and
MRS. UPJOHN, who is pouring out tea, laughs herself into a fit of
coughing.] Ta, ta, ra, ra, ta, ta! Boum, boum!
LILY.
Baron, you great baby!
VON RETTENMAYER.
Quig! Marge!
ROPER.
[Calling to FARNCOMBE.] Come along, Farncombe!
JIMMIE.
[Giving FARNCOMBE a shove.] Go on!
[FARNCOMBE takes his place behind ROPER and, headed by VON
RETTENMAYER, the men march round the room.
VON RETTENMAYER.

[Waving the slippers in the air and singing.]
Weib, was ist in aller Welt Dir an Schönheit gleichgestellt!
Reizumflossen, wunderhold, Perl' der Schöpfung, Herzensgold! Tag's
Gedanken, Traum der Nacht, Schweben um Dich, Süsse, sacht.
[VON RETTENMAYER halts before LILY and kneels to her. She
extends her left foot and he kisses her instep and puts her foot into her
slipper. She rewards him by lightly boxing his ears. He makes way for
DE CASTRO, handing him the other slipper, and DE CASTRO
performs the same ceremony with LILY'S right foot. She upsets DE
CASTRO'S balance by a little kick.
VON RETTENMAYER.
[Seating himself beside JIMMIE, singing.]
Venus, seinen Nacken beut Dir Den Sklave, dienstbereit!
[DE CASTRO gathers himself up and sits in the chair at the end of the
settee in front of the, writing-table. BLAND and ROPER, having knelt
and kissed LILY'S foot, also sit, the former in the chair in the middle of
the room, the latter in the chair on the extreme left. Finally,
FARNCOMBE finds himself before LILY. He looks at her hesitatingly
and she returns his look with awakened interest and withdraws her
foot.
LILY.
[Shaking her head.] No, no; don't you be silly, like the others.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[Loudly.] Tea!
[BLAND, VON RETTENMAYER and DE CASTRO jump up and go to
the tea-table where FARNCOMBE joins them. GLADYS enters,
carrying a stand on which are a plate of bread-and-butter, a dish of
cake, etc. ROPER takes the stand from her and the girl retires.

FARNCOMBE brings LILY a cup of tea. DE CASTRO and BLAND
follow him, the one with a milk-jug, the other with a sugar-basin. VON
RETTENMAYER carries a cup of tea to JIMMIE, and then DE
CASTRO and BLAND, having waited upon LILY, go to JIMMIE with
the milk and sugar. ROPER hands the bread-and-butter and cake to
LILY, then to JIMMIE, and in the end ROPER, BLAND, DE CASTRO
and VON RETTENMAYER assemble at the tea-table and receive their
cups of tea from MRS. UPJOHN.
ROPER.
[Relieving GLADYS of the stand.] Give it to me. I want a little exercise.
LILY.
[Taking her cup of tea from FARNCOMBE.] Thanks.
DE CASTRO.
[Helping LILY to milk.] Milk-ho!
BLAND.
Sugar?
LILY.
Br-r-r-rh! I'm putting on weight as it is.
ROPER.
[Offering the bread-and-butter, etc.-- facetiously.] Ices, sweets or
chocolates, full piano-score!
LILY.
Nothing to eat, Uncle; I dine at six.
MRS. UPJOHN.

[Calling to JEYES from the tea-table.] Captain, ain't you goin' to 'ave
any tea?
JEYES.
[Moodily examining the presents on the writing-table.] No, thank you,
Mrs. Upjohn.
BLAND.
[To JIMMIE, after she has been helped to milk.] Sugar?
JIMMIE.
Two lumps.
ROPER.
[Pushing BLAND and DE CASTRO aside, imitating a female voice.]
Ices, sweets or chocolates, full piano-score!
JIMMIE.
[Cutting a slice of cake.] Lal, the world 'ud be a much happier place to
live in if Lloyd George taxed your jokes.
VON RETTENMAYER, BLAND, and DE CASTRO. [Returning to
the tea-table.] Ha, ha, ha, ha!
LILY.
[To FARNCOMBE, who remains standing near her.] Seen our show at
the