The Mind the Paint Girl | Page 5

hit. [Enthusiastically.]
Oh, they're good boys; they're good, loyal boys! There's not one of
them who wouldn't throw up his hat if Nicko got the chuck. [Suddenly.]
Ma!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[Startled.] Hey?
ROPER.
[Dropping his voice.] This little spree to-night at the theatre-- Lil thinks
it's to be merely among the members of the Company.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Ain't it?

ROPER.
[Sitting beside her.] You keep quiet, now. No, it isn't.
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Oo----?
ROPER.
The boys-- and Farncombe.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[Disturbed.] Gracious! There'll be an awful fuss with the Captain
to-morrer.
ROPER.
[Snapping his fingers.] Pishhh!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[Rising and walking away to the right.] 'E's so 'orribly jealous. When
Lil tells 'im 'oo was at the party, there'll be a frightful kick-up!
ROPER.
[Falling into despondency.] Oh, I dare say I'm a fool for my pains, Ma.
Nothing'll come of it. [Rising and pacing the room again.] Farncombe's
as shy as a school-girl; he'd be on a desert island with a pretty woman
for a month without squeezing her hand.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[In an altered tone.] Uncle.
ROPER.

Hullo!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[Thoughtfully.] I shouldn't raise any objection, bear in mind, if Lil
could be weaned away from the Captain and took a fancy to young
Farncombe.
ROPER.
Objection!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table.] All said an' done, to
be Lady F., with no need to work if you're not disposed to, is better
than bein' Mrs. Captain Jeyes an' 'avin' to linger on the stage, p'r'aps, till
you drop, to 'elp keep the pot a' boilin'. [Opening her eyes widely.]
Lady F.!
ROPER.
[Coming to her.] And Countess of Godalming when his father dies.
MRS. UPJOHN.
I s'pose there'd be any amount of unpleasantness with the fam'ly?
ROPER.
[Disdainfully.] The family!
MRS. UPJOHN.
There's generally a rumpus in sech cases.
ROPER.
Why, Ma, these tiptop families ought to feel jolly grateful that we're

mixing the breed for them a bit. Look at the two lads who've married
Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail-- Kinterton and Glenroy; and
Fawcus-- Sir George Fawcus-- Eva Shafto's husband; they haven't a
chin or a forehead between 'em, and their chests are as narrow as a
ten-inch plank.
MRS. UPJOHN.
Quite true.
ROPER.
Farncombe himself, he's inclined to be weedy. I maintain it's a grand
thing for our English nobs that their slips of sons have taken to
marrying young women of the stamp of Maidie Trevail and Gwennie
Harker-- or Lil; keen-witted young women full of the joy of life, with
strong frames, beautiful hair and fine eyes, and healthy pink gums and
big white teeth. Sneer at the Pandora girls! Great Scot, it's my belief
that the Pandora girls'll be the salvation of the aristocracy in this
country in the long run!
[CAPTAIN NICHOLAS JEYES lounges in. He is a man of about
five-and-thirty, already slightly grey-haired, who has gone to seed.
ROPER sits in the chair in the middle of the room rather guiltily and
MRS. UPJOHN puts on a propitiatory grin.
JEYES.
[Nodding to MRS. UPJOHN and ROPER as he closes the door.]
Afternoon, Mrs. Upjohn. How'r'you, Roper?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Ah, Captain!
ROPER.
Hullo, Nicko!

JEYES.
[Advancing.] Lily not in?
MRS. UPJOHN.
No; she's in Fitzroy Street, settin' to Morgan.
JEYES.
[Frowning.] Why didn't she ask me to go with her?
MRS. UPJOHN.
Dun'no, I'm sure. She's took Miss Birch.
JEYES.
[With a grunt.] Oh? [Looking round.] Flowers.
MRS. UPJOHN.
'Eaps of 'em, ain't there?
ROPER.
[Jerking his head towards the writing-table.] Yes, and some nice
presents over here.
MRS. UPJOHN.
She's beat 'er record this year, Lil 'as, out an' out.
[JEYES goes to the writing-table and ROPER and MRS. UPJOHN rise
and wander away, the former to the conservatory, the latter to the
settee by the piano.
JEYES.

[Scowling at the presents.] Very nice. [Picking up a case of jewellery.]
Ve-ry nice. [Throwing the case down angrily.] Confound 'em, what the
devil do they take her for!
ROPER.
[At the entrance to the conservatory.] I may remark that one of those
gifts is from me, Jeyes.
JEYES.
Oh, I'm not alluding to you.
ROPER.
[Stiffly.] Much obliged.
JEYES.
[Coming forward and addressing MRS. UPJOHN.] I've called in to ask
Lily whether she'll come out to supper with me to-night, to Catani's, to
celebrate her birthday. Luigi's decorating a table for me specially. Mr.
and Mrs. Linthorne'll come, and Jack Wethered. [To ROPER.] Are you
free, Roper? [MRS. UPJOHN sits uneasily on the settee by the piano
and ROPER finds some object to interest him near the tea-table.] I
suppose it's no good asking you, Mrs. Upjohn?
MRS. UPJOHN.
N-n-o, thank you, Captain, and I-- I'm afraid----
JEYES.
Afraid----?
MRS. UPJOHN.
I'm afraid Lil can't manage it either.

JEYES.
Why not?
MRS. UPJOHN.
I-- I'm surprised she didn't mention it