The Middle Class Gentleman | Page 8

classified
except under the name of miserable gladiator, singer, and buffoon!
FENCING MASTER: Get out, you dog of a philosopher!
MUSIC MASTER: Get out, you worthless pedant!
DANCING MASTER: Get out, you ill-mannered cur!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: What! Rascals that you are ... (The
philosopher flings himself at them, and all three go out fighting).
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Rogues! Scoundrels! Insolent dogs!
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher!
FENCING MASTER: A pox on the beast!
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Gentlemen!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Impudent rogues!
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher!

DANCING MASTER: The devil take the jackass!
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Gentlemen!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Villains!
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher!
MUSIC MASTER: To the devil with the impertinent fellow!
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Gentlemen!
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Rascals! Beggars! Traitors! Impostors!
(They leave).
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Monsieur Philosopher, Gentlemen!
Monsieur Philosopher! Gentlemen! Monsieur Philosopher! Oh! Fight
as much as you like. I don't know what to do, and I'll not spoil my robe
to separate you. I would be a fool to go among them and receive some
damaging blow.
ACT TWO
SCENE IV (Philosophy Master, Monsieur Jourdain)
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: (Straightening the collar that indicates he is
a Philosopher) Now to our lesson.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh! Sir, I am distressed by the blows they
gave you.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It's nothing. A philosopher knows how to
take these things and I'll compose a satire against them, in the style of
Juvenal, which will fix them nicely. Let it be. What would you like to
learn?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Everything I can, for I have every desire in
the world to be educated, and I'm furious that my father and mother did
not make me study all the sciences when I was young.

PHILOSOPHY MASTER: This is a reasonable sentiment. Nam sine
doctrina vita est quasi mortis imago. You understand that, and you
doubtless know Latin?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but act as if I did not know it. Tell me
what it says.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It says that without science life is almost an
image of death.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: That Latin is right.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Don't you know some principles, some
basics of the sciences?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh yes! I can read and write.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Where would it please you for us to begin?
Would you like me to teach you logic?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What is this logic?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It is that which teaches the three operations
of the mind.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What are these three operations of the
mind?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The first, the second, and the third. The first
is to conceive well by means of the universals; the second is to judge
well by means of the categories; and the third is to draw well a
conclusion by means of figures. Barbara, Celarent, Darii, Ferio,
Baralipton, etc.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Those words are too ugly. This logic doesn't
suit me at all. Let's learn something else that's prettier.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Would you like to learn morality?

MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Morality?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Yes.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What does it say, this morality?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: It treats of happiness, teaches men to
moderate their passions, and ...
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, let's leave that. I'm as choleric as all the
devils and there's no morality that sticks, I want to be as full of anger as
I want whenever I like.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Would you like to learn physics?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What's it about, this physics?
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Physics explains the principles of natural
things and the properties of the material world; it discourses on the
nature of the elements, of metals, minerals, of stones, of plants and
animals, and teaches the causes of all the meteors, the rainbow, the will
o' the wisps, the comets, lightning, thunder, thunderbolts, rain, snow,
hail, winds, and whirlwinds.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: There's too much commotion in it, too much
confusion.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Then what do you want me to teach you?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Teach me how to spell.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: Very gladly.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Afterwards, you may teach me the
almanack, to know when there is a moon and when not.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: So be it. Following your thought and
treating this matter as a philosopher, it is necessary to begin according
to the order of things, by an exact knowledge of the nature of letters

and the different ways of pronouncing them all. And thereupon I must
tell you letters are divided into vowels, called vowels because they
express the voice; and into consonants because they sound with the
vowels and only mark the diverse articulations of the voice. There are
five vowels or voices: A, E, I, O, U.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I understand all that.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel A is formed by opening the
mouth widely : A. Its vowels are to be given the sounds used in
vocalizing: Ah-aye-ee-o-ou.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: A, A. Yes.
PHILOSOPHY MASTER: The vowel