The Merry Wives of Windsor | Page 2

despise one that is false; or as I despise one that is not true. The knight Sir John is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page. [Knocks.] What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
PAGE. [Within.] Who's there?
EVANS. Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.
[Enter PAGE.]
PAGE. I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW. Master Page, I am glad to see you; much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
PAGE. Sir, I thank you.
SHALLOW. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
PAGE. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
SLENDER. How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.
PAGE. It could not be judged, sir.
SLENDER. You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
SHALLOW. That he will not: 'tis your fault; 'tis your fault. 'Tis a good dog.
PAGE. A cur, sir.
SHALLOW. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good, and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
PAGE. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.
EVANS. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
SHALLOW. He hath wronged me, Master Page.
PAGE. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
SHALLOW. If it be confessed, it is not redressed: is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath;--at a word, he hath, --believe me; Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged.
PAGE. Here comes Sir John.
[Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL.]
FALSTAFF. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the King?
SHALLOW. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.
FALSTAFF. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter?
SHALLOW. Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.
FALSTAFF. I will answer it straight: I have done all this. That is now answered.
SHALLOW. The Council shall know this.
FALSTAFF. 'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: you'll be laughed at.
EVANS. Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.
FALSTAFF. Good worts! good cabbage! Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against me?
SLENDER. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket.
BARDOLPH. You Banbury cheese!
SLENDER. Ay, it is no matter.
PISTOL. How now, Mephostophilus!
SLENDER. Ay, it is no matter.
NYM. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! That's my humour.
SLENDER. Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
EVANS. Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: that is--Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
PAGE. We three to hear it and end it between them.
EVANS. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.
FALSTAFF. Pistol!
PISTOL. He hears with ears.
EVANS. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He hears with ear'? Why, it is affectations.
FALSTAFF. Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?
SLENDER. Ay, by these gloves, did he--or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else!--of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
FALSTAFF. Is this true, Pistol?
EVANS. No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
PISTOL. Ha, thou mountain-foreigner!--Sir John and master mine, I combat challenge of this latten bilbo. Word of denial in thy labras here! Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.
SLENDER. By these gloves, then, 'twas he.
NYM. Be avised, sir, and pass good humours; I will say 'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's humour on me; that is the very note of it.
SLENDER. By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
FALSTAFF. What say you, Scarlet and John?
BARDOLPH. Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
EVANS. It is his 'five senses'; fie, what the ignorance is!
BARDOLPH. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions passed the careires.
SLENDER. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter; I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick; if