The McNaughtens | Page 7

away at present, but I will soon return. I'll
hurry.
Urania Go, my darling. I will await you with impatience.
Captain (bowing, kissing her hand) Here--in a moment I will return.
(Exit the Captain)
Urania The love he has for me is not to be imagined.
Jenny (archly) No, m'am.
Urania In revenge, I will love him like crazy. How do you like him?
Jenny He's good looking. His valet, Spruce, isn't bad to look at, either.
We are a little bit in love--but, who's coming-- It's Mr. Hastings.
(Enter Hastings)
Hastings Hello, sis.
Urania Good day, brother, dear.
Hastings This is lucky, I was going to your house to speak to you on
some business.
Urania This place is as good as any. You won't annoy me.
Hastings I want to marry Flavella off.
Urania That's not a bad idea. Your daughter is getting big, you know.
People ask me how I can have such a grown up niece.

Hastings And our solicitor, Mr. Torrington, whose zeal for our family,
you know, has found a good match for her. A young man endowed
with wit and character--who possesses more than sixty thousand
pounds which he has just inherited from an uncle. Torrington is the
trustee of the estate, and has written me that the young heir will arrive
today.
Urania I am truly easy. I think it's a fine idea.
Hastings This marriage would be a great advantage for our family. So,
seeing that you are no longer interested in remarrying, I thought we
might endow Flavella with your estate--reserving a life estate for you
until your death.
Urania Until my death! Truly, brother, this project is very appealing to
me! I will do no such thing. My death, indeed!
Hastings But I already sort of promised--
Urania You promised, eh? Well, de-promise. I'll have you know, I still
think I'm not past marrying and having children--
Hastings Having children, sis? You're joking, you're past fifty!
Urania Me! Fifty years old! Me! Jenny!
Jenny (defensively) Don't blame me. I've never told him your age!
Because Madame has lived a while, people think she's no longer young.
He's a stupid man.
Hastings Dear sister, I believe I've been quite fair in my calculations. I
reasoned that since you are my elder sister, and I am past fifty
myself--necessarily-- Therefor, how can I be wrong?
Urania Your necessarily is stupid. I know very well that it--that it
cannot be! My youth is well known. And I can prove it to you, clearly
and precisely. My wealth will never be inherited by you. I'll bury you,
and your children, and the children I am going to have, too. Despite

you and the murderous plots you are hatching. Do you hear, brother
dear?-- I have spoken. Good day! Come Jenny.
(Exit Urania in a fury)
Hastings Lovely disposition.
Jenny Sir, another time--or better yet, say nothing. Or read, if you
please, better almanacs. My lady is, still, despite you and your
calculations, young and pretty, and all the connoisseurs will remind you
of it.
(Exit Jenny)
Hastings I can see what my sister is up to. Marry again, at her age? The
old fool. Well, I have taken some measures. Better go see Torrington
and straighten things out. If the man in question is as described, we
shall very soon consummate this marriage.
BLACKOUT
Scene II. The same, a short time later. The Captain and Spruce enter
from different directions. Spruce is out of breath again.
Spruce I found your brother, but not without trouble. You see how out
of breath I am. I've been around London, from one end to the other--to
the stage, to the post, everywhere. And I swear, every street I went
down, I met a creditor. I even met that Welshman--the Squire to whom
we owe a hundred pounds.
Captain I am ashamed to owe him for so long. He took me for a
gentleman--
Spruce (aside) Which few do.
Captain And the first money that I get, I am going to repay him.
Nothing will prevent me.
Spruce (aside) But a wench or a game of cards. (Aloud) Wonderful!

Anyway, not knowing where to go first, I went back to the custom
house. And there I saw your brother--actually knew him instantly from
a distance--because of the resemblance. Really, an incredible
resemblance. He was arguing with the inspector about the tariff. His
face, his features, his bearing, even his tone of voice! If I hadn't known,
I would have been deceived completely. But his temper,--that's where
he's different from you. He's brusque, impolite even--quite unlike you.
It's easy to see he isn't a man of the world-- in fact, he's a savage brute!
Captain One shouldn't be surprised by rudeness in a country bumpkin
who was nourished without politeness. It