The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman | Page 6

such, and

that you will permit me to lay it, with the most respectful humility, at your Lordship's
feet--when you are upon them,- -which you can be when you please;--and that is, my
Lord, whenever there is occasion for it, and I will add, to the best purposes too. I have the
honour to be, My Lord, Your Lordship's most obedient, and most devoted, and most
humble servant, Tristram Shandy.'
Chapter 1.
IX.
I solemnly declare to all mankind, that the above dedication was made for no one Prince,
Prelate, Pope, or Potentate,--Duke, Marquis, Earl, Viscount, or Baron, of this, or any
other Realm in Christendom;--nor has it yet been hawked about, or offered publicly or
privately, directly or indirectly, to any one person or personage, great or small; but is
honestly a true Virgin- Dedication untried on, upon any soul living.
I labour this point so particularly, merely to remove any offence or objection which might
arise against it from the manner in which I propose to make the most of it;--which is the
putting it up fairly to public sale; which I now do.
--Every author has a way of his own in bringing his points to bear;--for my own part, as I
hate chaffering and higgling for a few guineas in a dark entry;--I resolved within myself,
from the very beginning, to deal squarely and openly with your Great Folks in this affair,
and try whether I should not come off the better by it.
If therefore there is any one Duke, Marquis, Earl, Viscount, or Baron, in these his
Majesty's dominions, who stands in need of a tight, genteel dedication, and whom the
above will suit, (for by the bye, unless it suits in some degree, I will not part with it)--it is
much at his service for fifty guineas;--which I am positive is twenty guineas less than it
ought to be afforded for, by any man of genius.
My Lord, if you examine it over again, it is far from being a gross piece of daubing, as
some dedications are. The design, your Lordship sees, is good,--the colouring
transparent,--the drawing not amiss;--or to speak more like a man of science,--and
measure my piece in the painter's scale, divided into 20,--I believe, my Lord, the outlines
will turn out as 12,-- the composition as 9,--the colouring as 6,--the expression 13 and a
half,-- and the design,--if I may be allowed, my Lord, to understand my own design, and
supposing absolute perfection in designing, to be as 20,--I think it cannot well fall short
of 19. Besides all this,--there is keeping in it, and the dark strokes in the Hobby-Horse,
(which is a secondary figure, and a kind of back-ground to the whole) give great force to
the principal lights in your own figure, and make it come off wonderfully;--and besides,
there is an air of originality in the tout ensemble.
Be pleased, my good Lord, to order the sum to be paid into the hands of Mr. Dodsley, for
the benefit of the author; and in the next edition care shall be taken that this chapter be
expunged, and your Lordship's titles, distinctions, arms, and good actions, be placed at
the front of the preceding chapter: All which, from the words, De gustibus non est

disputandum, and whatever else in this book relates to Hobby-Horses, but no more, shall
stand dedicated to your Lordship.--The rest I dedicate to the Moon, who, by the bye, of
all the Patrons or Matrons I can think of, has most power to set my book a-going, and
make the world run mad after it.
Bright Goddess, If thou art not too busy with Candid and Miss Cunegund's affairs,--take
Tristram Shandy's under thy protection also.
Chapter 1.
X.
Whatever degree of small merit the act of benignity in favour of the midwife might justly
claim, or in whom that claim truly rested,--at first sight seems not very material to this
history;--certain however it was, that the gentlewoman, the parson's wife, did run away at
that time with the whole of it: And yet, for my life, I cannot help thinking but that the
parson himself, though he had not the good fortune to hit upon the design first,--yet, as he
heartily concurred in it the moment it was laid before him, and as heartily parted with his
money to carry it into execution, had a claim to some share of it,--if not to a full half of
whatever honour was due to it.
The world at that time was pleased to determine the matter otherwise.
Lay down the book, and I will allow you half a day to give a probable guess at the
grounds of this procedure.
Be it known then, that, for about five years before the date of the midwife's