The Laws of Etiquette | Page 9

"is the meanest person in
it. The great duty of conversation is to follow suit, as you do at whist: if
the eldest hand plays the deuce of diamonds, let not his next neighbour
dash down the king of hearts, because his hand is full of honours. I do
not love to see a man of wit win all the tricks in conversation."
In addressing any one, always look at him; and if there are several
present, you will please more by directing some portion of your
conversation, as an anecdote or statement, to each one individually in
turn. This was the great secret of Sheridan's charming manner. His
bon-mots were not numerous.
Never ask a question under any circumstances. In the first place it is too
proud; in the second place, it may be very inconvenient or very
awkward to give a reply. A lady lately inquired of what branch of
medical practice a certain gentleman was professor. He held the chair
of midwifery!
It is indispensable for conversation to be well acquainted with the
current news and the historical events of the last few years. It is not
convenient to be quite so far behind the rest of the world in such
matters, as the Courier des Etats- Unis. That sapient journal lately
announced the dethronement of Charles X. We may expect soon to hear
of the accession of Louis Philippe.
In society never quote. If you get entangled in a dispute with some
learned blockhead, you may silence him with a few extemporary
quotations. Select the author for whom he has the greatest admiration,
and give him a passage in the style of that writer, which most pointedly
condemns the opinion he supports. If it does not convince him, he will
be so much stunned with amazement that you can make your escape,

and avoid the unpleasant necessity of knocking him down.
The ordinary weapons which one employs in social encounter, are,
whether dignified or not, always at least honourable. There are some,
however, who habitually prefer to bribe the judge, rather than
strengthen their cause. The instrument of such is flattery. There are,
indeed, cases in which a man of honour may use the same weapon; as
there are cases in which a poisoned sword may be employed for
self-defence.
Flattery prevails over all, always, and in all places; it conquers the
conqueror of Dan"e: few are beneath it, none above it: the court, the
camp, the church, are the scenes of its victories, and all mankind the
subjects of its triumphs. It will be acknowledged, then, that a man
possesses no very contemptible power who can flatter skillfully.
The power of flattery may be derived from several sources. It may be,
that the person flattered, finding himself gratified, and conscious that it
is to the flatterer that he is indebted for this gratification, feels an
obligation to him, without inquiring the reason; or it may be, that
imagining ourselves to stand high in the good opinion of the one that
praises us, We comply with what he desires, rather than forfeit that
esteem: or, finally, flattery may be only a marked politeness, and we
submit ourselves to the control of the flatterer rather than be guilty of
the rudeness of opposing him.
Flattery never should be direct. It should not be stated, but inferred. It is
better acted than uttered. Flattery should seem to be the unwitting and
even unwilling expression of genuine admiration. Some very weak
persons do not require that expressions of praise and esteem toward
them should be sincere. They are pleased with the incense, although
they perceive whence it arises: they are pleased that they are of
importance enough to have their favour courted. But in most eases it is
necessary that the flattery should appear to be the honest offspring of
the feelings. Such flattery must succeed; for, it is founded upon a
principle in our nature which is as deep as life; namely, that we always
love those who we think love us.

It is sometimes flattery to accept praises.
Never flatter one person in the presence of another.
Never commend a lady's musical skill to another lady who herself
plays.
It has often, however, a good effect to praise one man to his particular
friend, if it be for something to which that friend has himself no
pretensions.
It is an error to imagine that men are less intoxicated with flattery than
women. The only difference is that esteem must be expressed to
women, but proved to men.
Flattery is of course efficacious to obtain positive benefits. It is of,
more constant use, however, for purposes of defence. You conquer an
attack of rudeness by courtesy: you avert an attack of accusation by
flattery. Every:one remembers the anecdote of Dr.