The Law and Lawyers of Pickwick | Page 7

are you?' said the new tenant, turning very pale,
poising the poker in his hand, however, and taking a very decent aim at
the countenance of the figure. 'Who are you?' 'Don't throw that poker at
me,' replied the form. 'If you hurled it with ever so sure an aim, it
would pass through me without resistance, and expend its force on the
wood behind. I am a spirit.' 'And, pray, what do you want here?'
faltered the tenant. 'In this room,' replied the apparition, 'my worldly
ruin was worked, and I and my children beggared. In this press the
papers in a long, long suit, which accumulated for years, were
deposited. In this room, when I had died of grief and long-deferred
hope, two wily harpies divided the wealth for which I had contested
during a wretched existence, and of which, at last, not one farthing was
left for my unhappy descendants. I terrified them from the spot, and
since that day have prowled by night--the only period at which I can
re-visit the earth--about the scenes of my long-protracted misery. This
apartment is mine; leave it to me.' 'If you insist on making your
appearance here,' said the tenant, who had time to collect his presence
of mind during this prosy statement of the ghost's, 'I shall give up
possession with the greatest pleasure; but I should like to ask you one
question, if you will allow me.' 'Say on,' said the apparition, sternly.
'Well,' said the tenant, 'I don't apply the observation personally to you,
because it is equally applicable to most of the ghosts I ever heard of;
but it does appear to me somewhat inconsistent that when you have an
opportunity of visiting the fairest spots of earth--for I suppose space is
nothing to you--you should always return exactly to the very places
where you have been most miserable.' 'Egad, that's very true; I never
thought of that before,' said the ghost. 'You see, sir,' pursued the tenant,

'this is a very uncomfortable room. From the appearance of that press I
should be disposed to say that it is not wholly free from bugs; and I
really think you might find much more comfortable quarters, to say
nothing of the climate of London, which is extremely disagreeable.'
'You are very right, sir,' said the ghost, politely; 'it never struck me till
now; I'll try a change of air directly.' In fact, he began to vanish as he
spoke--his legs, indeed, had quite disappeared. 'And if, sir,' said the
tenant, calling after him, 'if you would have the goodness to suggest to
the other ladies and gentlemen who are now engaged in haunting old
empty houses, that they might be much more comfortable elsewhere,
you will confer a very great benefit on society.' 'I will,' replied the ghost;
'we must be dull fellows, very dull fellows indeed; I can't imagine how
we can have been so stupid.' With these words the spirit disappeared;
and what is rather remarkable," added the old man, with a shrewd look
round the table, "he never came back again."
But I must not delay longer over where the lawyers live. The lawyers of
Dickens furnish me with three types of the practising solicitor or
attorney, each admirable in its way. First, Mr. Perker, whose aid Mr.
Wardle seeks to release Miss Rachel Wardle from that scoundrel Jingle.
He is described as a little high-dried man, with a dark squeezed-up face,
and small restless black eyes, that kept winking and twinkling on each
side of his little inquisitive nose, as if they were playing a perpetual
game of peep-bo with that feature. He was dressed all in black, with
boots as shiny as his eyes, a low white neckcloth, and a clean shirt with
a frill to it. A gold watch-chain and seals depended from his fob. He
carried his black kid gloves in his hands, and not on them; and as he
spoke, thrust his wrists beneath his coat-tails, with the air of a man who
was in the habit of propounding some regular posers.
He lived at Montague Place, Russell Square, and had offices in Gray's
Inn, and appears to have had a large and very respectable business, into
the details of which we have not time to travel; but perhaps the
cleverest piece of business he ever did was when, as Agent to the
Honourable Samuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall, he brought about the
return of that honourable gentleman as Member of Parliament. I
suppose we have all read the account of that memorable election, which

is a pretty accurate record of what went on at Eatanswill, and I am
credibly informed at many other places.
Mr. Pickwick and his companions, in their quest for experience, set out
for the excitement