The Innocents Abroad | Page 4

European Exodus--
Mr. Blucher's Opinion--Stateroom No. 10--The Assembling of the
Clans-- At Sea at Last

CHAPTER III.
"Averaging" the Passengers--Far, far at Sea.--Tribulation among the
Patriarchs--Seeking Amusement under Difficulties--Five Captains in

the Ship

CHAPTER IV.
The Pilgrims Becoming Domesticated--Pilgrim Life at Sea--"Horse-
Billiards"--The "Synagogue"--The Writing School--Jack's "Journal"--
The "Q. C. Club"--The Magic Lantern--State Ball on Deck--Mock
Trials-- Charades--Pilgrim Solemnity--Slow Music--The Executive
Officer Delivers an Opinion

CHAPTER V.
Summer in Mid-Atlantic--An Eccentric Moon--Mr. Blucher Loses
Confidence --The Mystery of "Ship Time"--The Denizens of the
Deep--"Land Hoh"-- The First Landing on a Foreign Shore--Sensation
among the Natives-- Something about the Azores Islands--Blucher's
Disastrous Dinner-- The Happy Result

CHAPTER VI.
Solid Information--A Fossil Community--Curious Ways and
Customs--Jesuit Humbuggery--Fantastic Pilgrimizing--Origin of the
Russ Pavement-- Squaring Accounts with the Fossils--At Sea Again

CHAPTER VII.
A Tempest at Night--Spain and Africa on Exhibition--Greeting a
Majestic Stranger--The Pillars of Hercules--The Rock of
Gibraltar--Tiresome Repetition--"The Queen's Chair"--Serenity
Conquered--Curiosities of the Secret Caverns--Personnel of

Gibraltar--Some Odd Characters--A Private Frolic in Africa--Bearding
a Moorish Garrison (without loss of life)--Vanity
Rebuked--Disembarking in the Empire of Morocco

CHAPTER VIII.
The Ancient City of Tangier, Morocco--Strange Sights--A Cradle of
Antiquity--We become Wealthy--How they Rob the Mail in
Africa--The Danger of being Opulent in Morocco

CHAPTER IX.
A Pilgrim--in Deadly Peril--How they Mended the Clock--Moorish
Punishments for Crime--Marriage Customs--Looking Several ways for
Sunday --Shrewd, Practice of Mohammedan Pilgrims--Reverence for
Cats--Bliss of being a Consul-General

CHAPTER X.
Fourth of July at Sea--Mediterranean Sunset--The "Oracle" is
Delivered of an Opinion--Celebration Ceremonies--The Captain's
Speech--France in Sight--The Ignorant Native--In Marseilles--Another
Blunder--Lost in the Great City--Found Again--A Frenchy Scene

CHAPTER XI.
Getting used to it--No Soap--Bill of Fare, Table d'hote--"An American
Sir"--A Curious Discovery--The "Pilgrim" Bird--Strange
Companionship-- A Grave of the Living--A Long Captivity--Some of
Dumas' Heroes--Dungeon of the Famous "Iron Mask."

CHAPTXR XII. A Holiday Flight through France--Summer Garb of
the Landscape--Abroad on the Great Plains--Peculiarities of French
Cars--French Politeness American Railway Officials--"Twenty Mnutes
to Dinner!"--Why there are no Accidents--The "Old Travellers"--Still
on the Wing--Paris at Last----French Order and Quiet--Place of the
Bastile--Seeing the Sights-- A Barbarous Atrocity--Absurd Billiards

CHAPTER XIII.
More Trouble--Monsieur Billfinger--Re-Christening the Frenchman--In
the Clutches of a Paris Guide--The International Exposition--Fine
Military Review--Glimpse of the Emperor Napoleon and the Sultan of
Turkey

CHAPTER XIV.
The Venerable Cathedral of Notre-Dame--Jean Sanspeur's Addition--
Treasures and Sacred Relics--The Legend of the Cross--The
Morgue--The Outrageious 'Can-Can'--Blondin Aflame--The Louvre
Palace--The Great Park --Showy Pageantry--Preservation of Noted
Things

CHAPTER XV.
French National Burying--Ground--Among the Great Dead--The Shrine
of Disappointed Love--The Story of Abelard and Heloise--"English
Spoken Here"--"American Drinks Compounded Here"--Imperial
Honors to an American--The Over-estimated Grisette--Departure from
Paris--A Deliberate Opinion Concerning the Comeliness of American
Women

CHAPTER XVI.
Versailles--Paradise Regained--A Wonderful Park--Paradise Lost--
Napoleonic Strategy

CHAPTER XVII.
War--The American Forces Victorious--" Home Again"--Italy in Sight
The "City of Palaces"--Beauty of the Genoese Women--The
"Stub-Hunters"-- Among the Palaces--Gifted Guide--Church
Magnificence--"Women not Admitted"--How the Genoese
Live--Massive Architecture--A Scrap of Ancient History--Graves for
60,000

CHAPTER XVIII.
Flying Through Italy--Marengo--First Glimpse of the Famous
Cathedral-- Description of some of its Wonders--A Horror Carved in
Stone----An Unpleasant Adventure--A Good Man--A Sermon from the
Tomb--Tons of Gold and Silver--Some More Holy Relics--Solomon's
Temple

CHAPTER XIX
"Do You Wiz zo Haut can be?"--La Scala--Petrarch and
Laura--Lucrezia Borgia--Ingenious Frescoes--Ancient Roman
Amphitheatre--A Clever Delusion--Distressing Billiards--The Chief
Charm of European Life--An Italian Bath--Wanted: Soap--Crippled
French--Mutilated English--The Most Celebrated Painting in the
World--Amateur Raptures--Uninspired Critics-- Anecdote--A
Wonderful Echo--A Kiss for a Franc

CHAPTER XX
Rural Italy by Rail--Fumigated, According to Law--The Sorrowing
Englishman--Night by the Lake of Como--The Famous Lake--Its
Scenery-- Como compared with Tahoe--Meeting a Shipmate

CHAPTER XXI.
The Pretty Lago di Lecco--A Carriage Drive in the
Country--Astonishing Sociability in a Coachman--Sleepy
Land--Bloody Shrines--The Heart and Home of Priestcraft--A Thrilling
Mediaeval Romance--The Birthplace of Harlequin--Approaching
Venice

CHAPTER XXII.
Night in Venice--The "Gay Gondolier"--The Grand Fete by
Moonlight-- The Notable Sights of Venice--The Mother of the
Republics Desolate
CHANTER XXIII. The Famous Gondola--The Gondola in an
Unromantic Aspect--The Great Square of St. Mark and the Winged
Lion--Snobs, at Home and Abroad--Sepulchres of the Great Dead--A
Tilt at the "Old Masters"--A Contraband Guide-- The
Conspiracy--Moving Again

CHAPTER XXIV.
Down Through Italy by Rail--Idling in Florence--Dante and
Galileo--An Ungrateful City--Dazzling Generosity--Wonderful

Mosaics--The Historical Arno--Lost Again--Found Again, but no
Fatted Calf Ready--The Leaning Tower of Pisa--The Ancient
Duomo--The Old Original First Pendulum that Ever Swung--An
Enchanting Echo--A New Holy Sepulchre--A Relic of Antiquity--A
Fallen Republic--At Leghorn--At Home Again, and Satisfied, on Board
the Ship--Our Vessel an Object of Grave Suspicion--Garibaldi
Visited--Threats of Quarantine

CHAPTER XXV.
The Works of Bankruptcy--Railway Grandeur--How to Fill an Empty
Treasury--The Sumptuousness of Mother Church--Ecclesiastical
Splendor-- Magnificence and Misery--General Execration--More
Magnificence A Good Word for the Priests--Civita Vecchia the
Dismal--Off for Rome

CHAPTER XXVI.
The Modern Roman on His Travels--The Grandeur of St. Peter's--Holy
Relics --Grand View