The Infernal Marriage | Page 9

an unlucky moment, however, I offended the infernal deities, and it was then suddenly discovered that I was the most abandoned character of my age. You know the rest.'
'You seem,' exclaimed Tantalus, 'to be relating my own history; for I myself led a reckless career with impunity, until some of the gods did me the honour of dining with me, and were dissatisfied with the repast. I am convinced myself that, provided a man frequent the temples, and observe with strictness the sacred festivals, such is the force of public opinion, that there is no crime which he may not commit without hazard.'
'Long live hypocrisy!' exclaimed Ixion. 'It is not my forte. But if I began life anew, I would be more observant in my sacrifices.'
'Who could have anticipated this wonderful revolution!' exclaimed Sisyphus, stretching himself. 'I wonder what will occur next! Perhaps we shall be all released.'
'You say truly,' said Ixion. 'I am grateful to our reforming Queen; but I have no idea of stopping here. This cursed wheel indeed no longer whirls; but I confess my expectations will be much disappointed if I cannot free myself from these adamantine bonds that fix me to its orb.'
'And one cannot drink water for ever,' said Tantalus.
'D--n all half measures,' said Ixion. 'We must proceed in this system of amelioration.'
'Without doubt,' responded his companion.
'The Queen must have a party,' continued the audacious lover of Juno. 'The Fates and the Furies never can be conciliated. It is evident to me that she must fall unless she unbinds these chains of mine.'
'And grants me full liberty of egress and regress,' exclaimed Sisyphus.
'And me a bottle of the finest golden wine of Lydia,' said Tantalus.
The infernal honeymoon was over. A cloud appeared in the hitherto serene heaven of the royal lovers. Proserpine became unwell. A mysterious languor pervaded her frame; her accustomed hilarity deserted her. She gave up her daily rides; she never quitted the palace, scarcely her chamber. All day long she remained lying on a sofa, and whenever Pluto endeavoured to console her she went into hysterics. His Majesty was quite miserable, and the Fates and the Furies began to hold up their heads. The two court physicians could throw no light upon the complaint, which baffled all their remedies. These, indeed, were not numerous, for the two physicians possessed each only one idea. With one every complaint was nervous; the other traced everything to the liver. The name of the first was Dr. Blue-Devil; and of the other Dr. Blue-Pill. They were most eminent men.
Her Majesty, getting worse every day, Pluto, in despair, determined to send for ?sculapius. It was a long way to send for a physician; but then he was the most fashionable one in the world. He cared not how far he travelled to visit a patient, because he was paid by the mile; and it was calculated that his fee for quitting earth, and attending the Queen of Hell, would allow him to leave off business.
What a wise physician was ?sculapius! Physic was his abhorrence. He never was known, in the whole course of his practice, ever to have prescribed a single drug. He was a handsome man, with a flowing beard curiously perfumed, and a robe of the choicest purple. He twirled a cane of agate, round which was twined a serpent of precious stones, the gift of Juno, and he rode in a chariot drawn by horses of the Sun. When he visited Proserpine, he neither examined her tongue nor felt her pulse, but gave her an account of a fancy ball which he had attended the last evening he passed on terra firma. His details were so interesting that the Queen soon felt better. The next day he renewed his visit, and gave her an account of a new singer that had appeared at Ephesus. The effect of this recital was so satisfactory, that a bulletin in the evening announced that the Queen was convalescent. The third day ?sculapius took his departure, having previously enjoined change of scene for her Majesty, and a visit to the Elysian Fields!
'Heh, heh!' shrieked Tisiphone.
'Hah, hah!' squeaked Meg?ra.
'Hoh, hoh!' moaned Alecto.
'Now or never,'said the infernal sisters. 'There is a decided reaction. The moment she embarks, unquestionably we will flare up.' So they ran off to the Fates.
'We must be prudent,' said Clotho.
'Our time is not come,' remarked Lachesis.
'I wish the reaction was more decided,' said Atropos; 'but it is a great thing that they are going to be parted, for the King must remain.'
The opposition party, although aiming at the same result, was therefore evidently divided as to the means by which it was to be obtained. The sanguine Furies were for fighting it out at once, and talked bravely of the strong conservative spirit only dormant in