The Infernal Marriage | Page 8

desire a becoming match, have a very limited circle to elect from. Even Venus was obliged to put up with Vulcan. It will not do to be too nice. Thank your stars that she is not an old maid like Minerva.'
'But Mars? he loved her.'
'A young officer only with his half-pay, however good his connections, is surely not a proper mate for our daughter.'
'Apollo?'
'I have no opinion of a literary son-in-law. These scribblers are at present the fashion, and are very well to ask to dinner; but I confess a more intimate connection with them is not at all to my taste.'
'I meet Apollo everywhere.'
'The truth is, he is courted because every one is afraid of him. He is the editor of a daily journal, and under the pretence of throwing light upon every subject, brings a great many disagreeable things into notice, which is excessively inconvenient. Nobody likes to be paragraphed; and for my part I should only be too happy to extinguish the Sun and every other newspaper were it only in my power.'
'But Pluto is so old, and so ugly, and, all agree, so ill-tempered.'
'He has a splendid income, a magnificent estate; his settlements are worthy of his means. This ought to satisfy a mother; and his political influence is necessary to me, and this satisfies a father.'
'But the heart-----'
'As for that, she fancies she loves him; and whether she do or not, these feelings, we know, never last. Rest assured, my dear Ceres, that our girl has made a brilliant match, in spite of the gloomy atmosphere in which she has to reside.'
'It must end in misery. I know Proserpine. I confess it with tears, she is a spoiled child.'
'This may occasion Pluto many uneasy moments; but that is nothing to you or me. Between ourselves, I shall not be at all surprised if she plague his life out.'
'But how can she consort with the Fates? How is it possible for her to associate with the Furies? She, who is used to the gayest and most amiable society in the world? Indeed, indeed, 'tis an ill-assorted union!'
'They are united, however; and, take my word for it, my dear madam, that you had better leave Pluto alone. The interference of a mother-in-law is proverbially never very felicitous.'
In the meantime affairs went on swimmingly in Tartarus. The obstinate Fates and the sulky Furies were unwittingly the cause of universal satisfaction. Everyone enjoyed himself, and enjoyment when it is unexpected is doubly satisfactory. Tantalus, Sisyphus, and Ixion, for the first time during their punishment, had an opportunity for a little conversation.
'Long live our reforming Queen,' said the ex-king of Lydia. 'You cannot conceive, my dear companions, anything more delightful than this long-coveted draught of cold water; its flavour far surpasses the memory of my choicest wines. And as for this delicious fruit, one must live in a hot climate, like our present one, sufficiently to appreciate its refreshing gust. I would, my dear friends, you could only share my banquet.'
'Your Majesty is very kind,' replied Sisyphus, 'but it seems to me that nothing in the world will ever induce me again to move. One must have toiled for ages to comprehend the rapturous sense of repose that now pervades my exhausted frame. Is it possible that that damned stone can really have disappeared?'
'You say truly,' said Ixion, 'the couches of Olympus cannot compare with this resting wheel.'
'Noble Sisyphus,' rejoined Tantalus, 'we are both of us acquainted with the cause of our companion's presence in those infernal regions, since his daring exploit has had the good fortune of being celebrated by one of the fashionable authors of this part of the world.'
'I have never had time to read his work,' interrupted Ixion. 'What sort of a fellow is he?'
'One of the most conceited dogs that I ever met with,' replied the King. 'He thinks he is a great genius, and perhaps he has some little talent for the extravagant.'
'Are there any critics in Hell?'
'Myriads. They abound about the marshes of Cocytus, where they croak furiously. They are all to a man against our author.'
'That speaks more to his credit than his own self-opinion,' rejoined Ixion.
'A nous moutons!' exclaimed Tantalus; 'I was about to observe that I am curious to learn for what reason our friend Sisyphus was doomed to his late terrible exertions.'
'For the simplest in the world,' replied the object of the inquiry; 'because I was not a hypocrite. No one ever led a pleasanter life than myself, and no one was more popular in society. I was considered, as they phrased it, the most long-headed prince of my time, and was in truth a finished man of the world. I had not an acquaintance whom I had not taken in, and gods and men alike favoured me. In