The Imaginary Invalid | Page 4

in my illness, to have in my family the fountain-head of those remedies which are necessary to me, and to be within reach of consultations and prescriptions.
TOI. Very well; at least that is giving a reason, and there is a certain pleasure in answering one another calmly. But now, Sir, on your conscience, do you really and truly believe that you are ill?
ARG. Believe that I am ill, you jade? Believe that I am ill, you impudent hussy?
TOI. Very well, then, Sir, you are ill; don't let us quarrel about that. Yes, you are very ill, I agree with you upon that point, more ill even than you think. Now, is that settled? But your daughter is to marry a husband for herself, and as she is not ill, what is the use of giving her a doctor?
ARG. It is for my sake that I give her this doctor, and a good daughter ought to be delighted to marry for the sake of her father's health.
TOI. In good troth, Sir, shall I, as a friend, give you a piece of advice?
ARG. What is this advice?
TOI. Not to think of this match.
ARG. And your reason?
TOI. The reason is that your daughter will never consent to it.
ARG. My daughter will not consent to it?
TOI. No.
ARG. My daughter?
TOI. Your daughter. She will tell you that she has no need of Mr. Diafoirus, nor of his son, Mr. Thomas Diafoirus, nor all the Diafoiruses in the world.
ARG. But I have need of them. Besides, the match is more advantageous than you think. Mr. Diafoirus has only this son for his heir; and, moreover, Mr. Purgon, who has neither wife nor child, gives all he has in favour of this marriage; and Mr. Purgon is a man worth eight thousand francs a year.
TOI. What a lot of people he must have killed to have become so rich!
ARG. Eight thousand francs is something, without counting the property of the father.
TOI. That is very well, Sir, but, all the same, I advise you, between ourselves, to choose another husband for her; she is not of a make to become a Mrs. Diafoirus.
ARG. But I will have it so.
TOI. Fie! nonsense! Don't speak like that.
ARG. Don't speak like that? Why not?
TOI. Dear me, no, don't.
ARG. And why should I not speak like that?
TOI. People will say that you don't know what you are talking about.
ARG. People will say all they like, but I tell you that I will have her make my promise good.
TOI. I feel sure that she won't.
ARG. Then I will force her to do it.
TOI. She will not do it, I tell you.
ARG. She will, or I will shut her up in a convent
TOI. You?
ARG. I.
TOI. Good!
ARG. How good?
TOI. You will not shut her up in a convent.
ARG. I shall not shut her up in a convent?
TOI. No.
ARG. No?
TOI. No.
ARG. Well, this is cool! I shall not put my daughter in a convent if I like!
TOI. No, I tell you.
ARG. And who will hinder me?
TOI. You yourself.
ARG. Myself?
TOI. You will never have the heart to do it.
ARG. I shall.
TOI. You are joking.
ARG. I am not joking.
TOI. Fatherly love will hinder you.
ARG. It will not hinder me.
TOI. A little tear or two, her arms thrown round your neck, Or "My darling little papa," said very tenderly, will be enough to touch your heart.
ARG. All that will be useless.
TOI. Oh yes!
ARG. I tell you that nothing will move me.
TOI. Rubbish!
ARG. You have no business to say "Rubbish."
TOI. I know you well enough; you are naturally kind-hearted.
ARG. (_angrily_). I am not kind-hearted, and I am ill-natured when I like.
TOI. Gently, Sir, you forget that you are ill.
ARG. I command her to prepare herself to take the husband I have fixed upon.
TOI. And I decidedly forbid her to do anything of the kind.
ARG. What have we come to? And what boldness is this for a scrub of a servant to speak in such a way before her master?
TOI. When a master does not consider what he is doing, a sensible servant should set him right.
ARG. (running after TOINETTE). Ah, impudent girl, I will kill you!
TOI. (avoiding ARGAN, _and putting the chair between her and him_). It is my duty to oppose what would be a dishonour to you.
ARG. (running after TOINETTE _with his cane in his hand_). Come here, come here, let me teach you how to speak.
TOI. (_running to the opposite side of the chair_). I interest myself in your affairs as I ought to do, and I don't wish to see you commit any folly.
ARG. (_as before_). Jade!
TOI. (_as before_). No, I will never consent to this marriage.
ARG. (_as before_). Worthless hussy!
TOI. (_as before_). I won't have her marry your Thomas Diafoirus.
ARG. (_as before_). Vixen!
TOI. (_as before_). She will obey me sooner than you.
ARG. (_stopping_). Angélique, won't