The Foolish Dictionary | Page 9

ecstasy for the youth, fidelity for the middle-aged and homage for the old.
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=KISS= An indescribable something that is of no value to any one, but is much prized by the right two.
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=KNOCKER= A device on doors for rousing people; also, a device on foot for the same purpose.

Laugh-in-one's-sleeve--The direct route to the Funny-Bone.
L
Two heads are better than one--particularly on a Barrel of Money.

=LACE= Among women, lace means lesson; wherefore they combine art and thrift by lessening the waist.
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=LACONIC= Shy on words. From Eng. lack, meaning want, and connection; want of connection.
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=LAMP= A light.
=LAMPONED= To be lighted on.
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=LARD= Fat.
=LARDER= A fattener.
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=LARK= A short, sweet spree enjoyed by night hawks. Also, an early rising singing-bird. (Dist. bet. "out on a lark," and "up with the lark," an impossible combination).
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=LASSIE= One of the weaker sex.
=LASSITUDE= Slightly weaker.
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=LAUD= Praise for the Almighty.
=LAUDANUM= Prays for himself--after taking.
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=LAUNDRY= A place where clothes are mangled.
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=LAUGH= A peculiar contortion of the human countenance, voluntary or involuntary, superinduced by a concatenation of external circumstances, seen or heard, of a ridiculous, ludicrous, jocose, mirthful, funny, facetious or fanciful nature and accompanied by a cackle, chuckle, chortle, cachinnation, giggle gurgle, guffaw or roar.
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=LAWYER= One who defends your estate against an enemy, in order to appropriate it to himself.
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=LECTURE= An entertainment at which it costs but little to look intelligent.
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=LEGISLATURE=
[Illustration]
From Lat. lego, to bring together, and latro, to bark or bluster; possibly from lex, law, and latens, unknown. Hence, a company of men brought together to bluster, or a company of law makers who know nothing about law.
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=LEISURE= From Eng., lazy, and sure; assured laziness.
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=LENT= A Church fast that is slow to go; or something loaned which is slow to come back.
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=LIE= A very poor substitute for the truth but the only one discovered up to date.
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=LIMBURGER= A native of Germany strong enough to do housework; well recommended for cleaning out the dining-room.
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=LIBRARY= From Fr. libre, meaning free, and proper name =ANDY=. Something free from Andy Carnegie.
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=LINKS= Found in sausages and golf courses, and both full of hazards.
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=LION= A cruel beast who never patronizes the barber and is always bearded in his den, yet will furnish a close shave if you get near enough.
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=LOBSTER=
[Illustration]
The edible lobster is found off the New England Coast. The two-legged species is found everywhere. All kinds are green, but when roasted turn a bright red. Soubrettes are very dependent on both varieties for a living; together they furnish her with food, raiment, flats, diamonds, and occasionally indigestion.
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=LOBSTER-NEWBURG= A dish ordered at hotels by those who usually get beans at home.
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=LOVE= A man's insane desire to become a woman's meal-ticket.
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=LOVER= An ardent admirer who says, "Yes, dearest, I will shovel the snow of the lake so that we can go skating!" and, after marriage remarks, "What! Shovel the snow off the walk for you? Well, I should say not! I'm no chore boy."

Hell is paved with good intentions--also asbestos.
M
A fool and his wife are soon parted. See Alimony.

=MAGAZINE= A receptacle for explosives, literary or mechanical.
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=MAGNATE= One who can float capital in a considerable body of water. From Lat. magnus, great, and nator, to swim; a great swimmer.
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=MAIDEN LADY= A term applied to an old maid by those who wish to avoid hurting her feelings.
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=MALT= A humble grain which often gets into a ferment, cools off and becomes Stout in its old age.
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=MAN= Something that "Goes first on four feet, then two feet, then three, but the more feet it goes on the weaker it be!"
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=MAN-ABOUT-TOWN= One who is on speaking terms with the head waiter.
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=MANICURE= The only woman who can beat a carpenter at soaking nails.
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=MANNERS= A difficult symphony in the key of B natural.
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=MARK= In Germany, twenty-three cents. In the United States, only Twain.
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=MASCULINE= From Grk. maskos, girl, and eukolos, easy. Easy for the girls.
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=MASSAGE= A touch, with intent to rub it in.
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=MATRIMONY= A game for women, in which the unmarried half are trying to find a husband and the married half trying not to be found