The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men | Page 5

Stock is wasted by
mischance, A careful Wife will soon the same advance.
Answer to the Ninth Mock Comfort.
The Man more often is the cause of Loss, By Drinking, Whoring or
some Earthly Cross; Then patient Wife, who yet must bear the Blame,
And hide the cause of his notorous Shame; And many times the Sons
and Daughters too, Act just the same they see their Father do: And
therefore if they chance to go astray, The Father pointed out the
crooked way; And yet the Crosses in a married Life Are all imputed to
a Tender Wife: And notwithstanding all this knavish Art, It sooner
breaks the Wife's than Husband's Heart.
Answer to the Tenth Mock Comfort.
I wonder where this spiteful Author finds such wanton Women, with
such lustful Minds; Unless he speaks by knowledg of his own, Whose
Lewdness is the Scandal of the Town; If so, he's not mistaken in his
Mark, For Joan's as good as Lady in the Dark: But 'tis unjust to tax all
Womankind, With Vices proper to one single mind. If some are bad, I
only this shall say, I pity those that wed with such as they.

Answer to the Eleventh Mock Comfort.
This by Experience, as I said before, You speak because you married
such a Wh----re; The words themselves as plain, as plain can be
Describe your self, that you are only He, The very Actions with your
cheating Bride, In lustful Sport, when you lay by her side; How by
degrees she did the Fool deceive With fained Blushes make you then
believe Her Virgin Fort well fortify'd within, Free from Attacks of such
a pleasing Sin: What e'er the Picture wants of being true, Is, that it
looks not so deform'd as you.
Answer to the Twelfth Mock Comfort.
Tho' some are blindly led, and others run, And make both haste and
speed to be undone; This alters not the Case in any wise, But that a
Man sometimes may get a Prize, If some be wanton in obscure Nookes,
And Ape the Saint, by framing modest Looks; Deceive the Husband,
with her cunning Wiles, And cheat his Senses with her feigned smiles,
These (I confess,) are hardships to be born, And worse to think the
Fore-head tip'd with Horn, But still good Wives, if any such there be,
Are real Comforts of a high Degree.
Answer to the Thirteenth Mock Comfort.
The Lawyer's Wife is brought in for her share, To recompence her
Loving Husband's care; As he by Bribes hath Honest Men undone, She
gives to Knaves, what he might call his own. But Drugs and Poysons to
a married Wife, I cannot understand it for my Life. For she that has a
Husband need not fear, But all Suspicion soon will disappear. No
matter where or when the Child was got, It always falls unto the
Husband's Lot.
Answer to the Fourteenth Mock Comfort.
'Tis true, a Widow always knows the best, To judge those Joys, which
some do call a Jest. And if her Second Mate prove weak and dull, With
Sorrow then be sure her Heart is full. And who can blame her, if she
makes Complaint, For that sweet Comfort to supply her want. Well

may she grieve at such a Cross as this, For that one Fault makes all
things go amiss. If Husband wants what Widows Nature crave } He'd
better be condemn'd to be a Slave, } Or make the Raging Sea his Watry
Grave. } But if she finds her Pleasures to encrease, Oh! then (my
Husband) how we live in Peace. She's then all Charms, no Comforts
here below, Are like what she and her dear Spouse do know.
Answer to the Fifteenth Mock Comfort.
A Peevish Husband makes a peevish Wife, And so brings Scandal on a
Married Life. No wonder then if Sickness and Disease, Brought on by
Crosses, doth the Body seize. All this is owing to a hair-brain'd Man,
Whose base ill nature all the strife began. Then why shou'd Women
thus be stil'd a Curse? When Man himself perhaps is ten times worse.
Perhaps you'll say this is proposterous, In blaming others I my self
expose. I Answer thus, if it was not for shame, I'd this same Minute
quite disown the Name. For Men like you, their Names do sound no
more, Than if you call'd an Honest Woman Whore.
FINIS.
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ADVERTISEMENT.
At the Pastry-School, over against the Compter in Shovel-Ally in
Wood-street, near Cheapside; is Sold, a never failing Oyntment that
Cures the GOUT, altho the Party be reduced to his Crutches,and that in
two or three Days time; having often been found True by Experience,
to the great Ease and Comfort of many: