The Fifteen Comforts of Matrimony: Responses from Men | Page 3

That they are ravish'd
with their beautious Prize; In such a case the young unthinking Sot,
Boasts what a handsome Genteel Wife he'as got, Doates on her Face,
commends her Shape and Air, And thinks her Virtuous beyond
compare: When all the time she plays her Pranks unknown, And with
her Gallant rambles up and down; [*?]y, brings him home, while the
poor Husband's sent On some Fools Errand, she has her content: At
length he finds her out, but dare not speak, But bears all calmly for his
Honour's sake.
The Thirteenth Comfort of Matrimony.
This Married to some Beauty of Renown, } Whose Business often
keeps him out of Town; } But the good Woman cannot lie alone: }
While the poor Lawyer's stating o'er the Case, She finds another to
supply his Place; And proving pregnant, reckons up the Time, Lest the
Sot Husband shou'd suspect her Crime. She swallows Drugs and
Poysons ev'ry day, To bring the Child before its time away; This she
performs so often, and is Sick, That he at length begins to smoak the
Trick; Next time he keeps account, and plains it is, He swears
point-blank the Child is none of his.

The Fourteenth Comfort of Matrimony.
The next a Widow thinks it best to Wed, And takes the knowing
Matron to his Bed, A while he quenches her insatiate Fire, But in a
little times begins to tire, The Lady soon the difference can find, And
truly very plainly speaks her Mind, She twits him of the good departed
Man, Whose like, she says, She ne'er shall see again, He never left me
in a Morning so, But took a parting Kiss before he'd go; And get me
some Good Thing for Breakfast too: Well, he a dear kind Husband was
to me, But now my Days are spent in Misery.
The Fifteenth Comfort of Matrimony.
Last, and not least of all these Comforts is, The Man that's Wedded
unto some Disease, A peevish, crazy, and a sickly Wife, The Burthen
and the Nusance of his Life; Her Bed, the meer resemblance of a Tomb,
And an Apothecarys Shop her Room; Coughing and Spitting all the
Night she lies, A very Antidote to Marriage Joys: Yet the poor Man
must bear with all these Ills, Besides the Excessive Charge of Physick
Bills, A Nurse, fine Cordials, and a hundred things, Until his Substance
she to little brings, Till may be she at length resigns to Death, The only
Comfort he cou'd hope on Earth.
FINIS.
* * * * *
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THE Batchelors and Maids ANSWER
TO THE
FIFTEEN COMFORTS OF MATRIMONY.
BEING
Real Encouragements for all Single Persons of both Sexes to Marry as
soon as ever they can get Wives and Husbands, in order to avoid the
danger of leading Apes in Hell; with sutable Directions for that
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The Batchelors and Maids Answer to the Fifteen Comforts of
Matrimony.
Answer to the First Mock Comfort.
But why shou'd Marriage render Man undone? When nothing's like it
underneath the Sun. True Pleasures in the Marriage-Bed alone, Real

Joys without it never yet was known. The Charming Bliss in Wedlock
chiefly lies, A Single Life all Honest Men despise, What greater
Comfort can on Earth be found, When two True Hearts are both
together Crown'd. All other Pleasures are but Pains to this, A Married
Couple only, finds the Bliss. The Frowns of Fate, and other Worldly
Cares, Are daily lessen'd by divided Shares. The mutual Love of Man
and Wife dispense, With all the Chances of dark Providence; Nay, If in
Prison he shou'd chance to