The Eleven Comedies, vol 2 | Page 6

or make me into a
Proxenides, a perfect braggart, like the son of Sellus. Oh, King of
Heaven! hesitate not to grant me this favour, pity my misfortune or else
may thy dazzling lightning instantly reduce me to ashes; then carry me
hence, and may thy breath hurl me into some burning pickle[50] or turn
me into one of the stones on which the votes are counted.

CHORUS. Who is it detains you and shuts you in? Speak, for you are
talking to friends.
PHILOCLEON. 'Tis my son. But no bawling, he is there in front asleep;
lower your voice.
CHORUS. But, poor fellow, what is his aim? what is his object?
PHILOCLEON. My friends, he will not have me judge nor do anyone
any ill, but he wants me to stay at home and enjoy myself, and I will
not.
CHORUS. This wretch, this Demolochocleon[51] dares to say such
odious things, just because you tell the truth about our navy!
PHILOCLEON. He would not have dared, had he not been a
conspirator.
CHORUS. Meanwhile, you must devise some new dodge, so that you
can come down here without his knowledge.
PHILOCLEON. But what? Try to find some way. For myself, I am
ready for anything, so much do I burn to run along the tiers of the
tribunal with my voting-pebble in my hand.
CHORUS. There is surely some hole through which you could manage
to squeeze from within, and escape dressed in rags, like the crafty
Odysseus.[52]
PHILOCLEON. Everything is sealed fast; not so much as a gnat could
get through. Think of some other plan; there is no possible hold of
escape.
CHORUS. Do you recall how, when you were with the army at the
taking of Naxos,[53] you descended so readily from the top of the wall
by means of the spits you have stolen?
PHILOCLEON. I remember that well enough, but what connection is
there with present circumstances? I was young, clever at thieving, I had

all my strength, none watched over me, and I could run off without fear.
But to-day men-at-arms are placed at every outlet to watch me, and two
of them are lying in wait for me at this very door armed with spits, just
as folk lie in wait for a cat that has stolen a piece of meat.
CHORUS. Come, discover some way as quick as possible. Here is the
dawn come, my dear little friend.
PHILOCLEON. The best way is to gnaw through the net. Oh! goddess,
who watches over the nets,[54] forgive me for making a hole in this
one.
CHORUS. 'Tis acting like a man eager for his safety. Get your jaws to
work!
PHILOCLEON. There! 'tis gnawed through! But no shouting! let
Bdelycleon notice nothing!
CHORUS. Have no fear, have no fear! if he breathes a syllable, 'twill
be to bruise his own knuckles; he will have to fight to defend his own
head. We shall teach him not to insult the mysteries of the
goddesses.[55] But fasten a rope to the window, tie it around your body
and let yourself down to the ground, with your heart bursting with the
fury of Diopithes.[56]
PHILOCLEON. But if these notice it and want to fish me up and drag
me back into the house, what will you do? Tell me that.
CHORUS. We shall call up the full strength of out courage to your aid.
That is what we will do.
PHILOCLEON. I trust myself to you and risk the danger. If misfortune
overtakes me, take away my body, bathe it with your tears and bury it
beneath the bar of the tribunal.
CHORUS. Nothing will happen to you, rest assured. Come friend, have
courage and let yourself slide down while you invoke your country's
gods.

PHILOCLEON. Oh! mighty Lycus![57] noble hero and my neighbour,
thou, like myself, takest pleasure in the tears and the groans of the
accused. If thou art come to live near the tribunal, 'tis with the express
design of hearing them incessantly; thou alone of all the heroes hast
wished to remain among those who weep. Have pity on me and save
him, who lives close to thee; I swear I will never make water, never,
nor relieve my belly with a fart against the railing of thy statue.
BDELYCLEON. Ho there! ho! get up!
SOSIAS. What's the matter?
BDELYCLEON. Methought I heard talking close to me.
SOSIAS. Is the old man at it again, escaping through some loophole?
BDELYCLEON. No, by Zeus! no, but he is letting himself down by a
rope.
SOSIAS. Ha, rascal! what are you doing there? You shall not descend.
BDELYCLEON. Mount quick to the other window, strike him with the
boughs that hang over the entrance; perchance he will turn back when
he feels himself being thrashed.
PHILOCLEON.