The Elevator | Page 5

disposed to think that all the other ladies are as fond of him as she is."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Oh! That is not so, Edward."
LAWTON: "You defend your sex, as women always do. But you'll
admit that, as your friend, Mrs. Miller may have this foible."
MRS. ROBERTS: "I admit nothing of the kind. And we've invited
another young couple who haven't gone to housekeeping yet--the
Curwens. And HE has the same foible as Mrs. Miller." MRS.
ROBERTS takes out her handkerchief, and laughs into it.
LAWTON: "That is, if Mrs. Miller has it, which we both deny. Let us
hope that Mrs. Miller and Mr. Curwen may not get to making eyes at
each other."
ROBERTS: "And Mr. Bemis and his son complete the list. Why, Agnes,
there are only ten. You said there were twelve."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Well, never mind. I meant ten. I forgot that the
Somerses declined." A ring is heard. "Ah! THAT'S Aunt Mary." She
runs into the vestibule, and is heard exclaiming without: "Why, Mrs.

Miller, is it you? I thought it was my aunt. Where is Mr. Miller?"
MRS. MILLER, entering the drawing-room arm in arm with her
hostess: "Oh, he'll be here directly. I had to let him run back for my
fan."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Well, we're very glad to have you to begin with.
Let me introduce Dr. Lawton."
MRS. MILLER, in a polite murmur: "Dr. Lawton." In a louder tone: "O
Mr. Roberts!"
LAWTON: "You see, Roberts? The same aggrieved surprise at meeting
you here that I felt."
MRS. MILLER: "What in the world do you mean?"
LAWTON: "Don't you think that when a husband is present at his
wife's dinner party he repeats the mortifying superfluity of a
bridegroom at a wedding?"
MRS. MILLER: "I'm SURE I don't know what you mean. I should
never think of giving a dinner without Mr. Miller."
LAWTON: "No?" A ring is heard. "There's Bemis."
MRS. MILLER: "It's Mr. Miller."
MRS. ROBERTS: "Aunt Mary at last!" As she bustles toward the door:
"Edward, there are twelve--Aunt Mary and Willis."
ROBERTS: "Oh, yes. I totally forgot Willis."
LAWTON: "Who's Willis?"
ROBERTS: "Willis? Oh, Willis is my wife's brother. We always have
him."
LAWTON: "Oh, yes, Campbell."
MRS. ROBERTS, without: "Mr. Bemis! So kind of you to come on
Christmas."
MR. BEMIS, without: "So kind of you to ask us houseless strangers."
MRS. ROBERTS, without: "I ran out here, thinking it was my aunt.
She's played us a trick, and hasn't come yet."
BEMIS, entering the drawing-room with Mrs. Roberts: "I hope she
won't fail altogether. I haven't met her for twenty years, and I counted
so much upon the pleasure--Hello, Lawton!"
LAWTON: "Hullo, old fellow!" They fly at each other, and shake
hands. "Glad to see you again.
BEMIS, reaching his left hand to MR. ROBERTS, while MR.
LAWTON keeps his right: "Ah! Mr. Roberts."

LAWTON: "Oh, never mind HIM. He's merely the husband of the
hostess."
MRS. MILLER, to ROBERTS: "What DOES he mean?"
ROBERTS: "Oh, nothing. Merely a joke he's experimenting with."
LAWTON to BEMIS: "Where's your boy?"
BEMIS: "He'll be here directly. He preferred to walk. Where's your
girl?"
LAWTON: "Oh, she'll come by and by. She preferred to drive."
MRS. ROBERTS, introducing them: "Mr. Bemis, have you met Mrs.
Miller?" She drifts away again, manifestly too uneasy to resume even a
provisional pose on the sofa, and walks detachedly about the room.
BEMIS: "What a lovely apartment Mrs. Roberts has."
MRS. MILLER: "Exquisite! But then she has such perfect taste."
BEMIS, to MRS. ROBERTS, who drifts near them: "We were talking
about your apartment, Mrs. Roberts. It's charming."
MRS. ROBERTS: "It IS nice. It's the ideal way of living. All on one
floor. No stairs. Nothing."
BEMIS: "Yes, when once you get here! But that little matter of five
pair up" -
MRS. ROBERTS: "You don't mean to say you WALKED up! Why in
the world didn't you take the elevator?"
BEMIS: "I didn't know you had one."
MRS. ROBERTS: "It's the only thing that makes life worth living in a
flat. All these apartment hotels have them."
BEMIS: "Bless me! Well, you see, I've been away from Boston so long,
and am back so short a time, that I can't realize your luxuries and
conveniences. In Florence we ALWAYS walk up. They have
ascenseurs in a few great hotels, and they brag of it in immense signs
on the sides of the building."
LAWTON: "What pastoral simplicity! We are elevated here to a degree
that you can't conceive of, gentle shepherd. Has yours got an air-
cushion, Mrs. Roberts?"
MRS. ROBERTS: "An air-cushion? What's that?"
LAWTON: "The only thing that makes your life worth a moment's
purchase in an elevator. You get in with a glass of water, a basket of