The Bickerstaff-Partridge Papers | Page 9

Romans wore, Whose Wideness kept their Toes from Corns, And whence we claim our Shooing-Horns; Shows how the Art of Cobling bears A near Resemblance to the Spheres.
A Scrap of Parchment hung by Geometry (A great Refinement in Barometry) Can, like the Stars, foretel the Weather; And what is Parchment else but Leather? Which an Astrologer might use, Either for Almanacks or Shoes.
Thus Partridge, by his Wit and Parts, At once did practise both these Arts; And as the boading Owl (or rather The Bat, because her Wings are Leather) Steals from her private Cell by Night, And flies about the Candle-Light; So learned Partridge could as well Creep in the Dark from Leathern Cell, And, in his Fancy, fly as fair, To peep upon a twinkling Star.
Besides, he could confound the Spheres, And set the Planets by the Ears; To shew his Skill, he Mars could join To Venus in Aspect Mali'n; Then call in Mercury for Aid, And cure the Wounds that Venus made.
Great Scholars have in Lucian read, When Philip, King of Greece was dead, His Soul and Spirit did divide, And each Part took a diff'rent Side; One rose a Star, the other fell Beneath, and mended Shoes in Hell.
Thus Partridge still shines in each Art, The Cobling and Star-gazing Part, And is install'd as good a Star As any of the Caesars are.
Triumphant Star! some Pity shew On Coblers militant below, Whom roguish Boys in stormy Nights Torment, by pissing out their Lights; Or thro' a Chink convey their Smoke; Inclos'd Artificers to choke.
Thou, high exalted in thy Sphere, May'st follow still thy Calling there. To thee the Bull will lend his hide, By Phoebus newly tann'd and dry'd. For thee they Argo's Hulk will tax, And scrape her pitchy Sides for Wax. Then Ariadne kindly lends Her braided Hair to make thee Ends. The Point of Sagittarius' Dart Turns to an awl, by heav'nly Art; And Vulcan, wheedled by his Wife, Will forge for thee a Paring-Knife. For want of Room, by Virgo's Side, She'll strain a Point, and sit astride***, To take thee kindly in between, And then the Signs will be Thirteen.
*Partridge was a Cobler. ** See his Almanack ***Tibi brachia contrahet ingens Scorpius, etc. ______________________________________________
An Epitaph on Partridge.
Here, five Foot deep, lies on his Back, A Cobler, Starmonger, and Quack; Who to the Stars in pure Good-will, Does to his best look upward still. Weep all you Customers that use His Pills, his Almanacks, or Shoes; And you that did your Fortunes seek, Step to his Grave but once a Week: This Earth which bears his Body's Print, You'll find has so much Vertue in't, That I durst pawn my Ears 'twill tell Whate'er concerns you full as well, In Physick, Stolen Goods, or Love, As he himself could, when above. ____________________________________
[Partridge's reply]
'Squire Bickerstaff detected; or, the astrological impostor convicted; by John Partridge, student in physick and astrology.
It is hard, my dear countrymen of these united nations, it is very hard that a Briton born, a Protestant astrologer, a man of revolution principles, an assertor of the liberty and property of the people, should cry out, in vain, for justice against a Frenchman, a Papist, an illiterate pretender to science; that would blast my reputation, most inhumanly bury me alive, and defraud my native country of those services, that, in my double capacity, I daily offer to the publick.
What great provocations I have receiv'd, let the impartial reader judge, and how unwillingly, even in my own defence, I now enter the lists against falsehood, ignorance and envy: But I am exasperated, at length, to drag out this cacus from the den of obscurity where he lurks, detect him by the light of those stars he has so impudently traduced, and shew there's not a monster in the skies so pernicious and malevolent to mankind, as an ignorant pretender to physick and astrology. I shall not directly fall on the many gross errors, nor expose the notorious absurdities of this prostituted libeller, till I have let the learned world fairly into the controversy depending, and then leave the unprejudiced to judge of the merits and justice of the cause.
It was towards the conclusion of the year 1707, when an impudent pamphlet crept into the world, intituled, 'Predictions, etc.' by Isaac Bickerstaff, Esq; -- Amongst the many arrogant assertions laid down by that lying spirit of divination, he was pleas'd to pitch on the Cardinal de Noailles and myself, among many other eminent and illustrious persons, that were to die within the compass of the ensuing year; and peremptorily fixes the month, day, and hour of our deaths: This, I think, is sporting with great men, and publick spirits, to the scandal of religion, and reproach of power; and if sovereign princes and