The Adventures of Roderick Random | Page 5

in his low estate, but also find entertainment in viewing those
parts of life, where the humours and passions are undisguised by
affectation, ceremony, or education; and the whimsical peculiarities of
disposition appear as nature has implanted them. But I believe I need
not trouble myself in vindicating a practice authorized by the best
writers in this way, some of whom I have already named.
Every intelligent reader will, at first sight, perceive I have not deviated
from nature in the facts, which are all true in the main, although the
circumstances are altered and disguised, to avoid personal satire.
It now remains to give my reasons for making the chief personage of
this work a North Briton, which are chiefly these: I could, at a small
expense, bestow on him such education as I thought the dignity of his
birth and character required, which could not possibly be obtained in

England, by such slender means as the nature of my plan would afford.
lit the next place, I could represent simplicity of manners in a remote
part of the kingdom, with more propriety than in any place near the
capital; and lastly, the disposition of the Scots, addicted to travelling,
justifies my conduct in deriving an adventurer from that country. That
the delicate reader may not be offended at the unmeaning oaths which
proceed from the mouths of some persons in these memoirs, I beg leave
to promise, that I imagined nothing could more effectually expose the
absurdity of such miserable expletives, than a natural and verbal
representation of the discourse in which they occur.

APOLOGUE

A young painter, indulging a vein of pleasantry, sketched a kind of
conversation piece, representing a bear, an owl, a monkey, and an ass;
and to render it more striking, humorous, and moral, distinguished
every figure by some emblem of human life. Bruin was exhibited in the
garb and attitude of an old, toothless, drunken soldier; the owl perched
upon the handle of a coffee-pot, with spectacle on nose, seemed to
contemplate a newspaper; and the ass, ornamented with a huge tie-wig
(which, however, could not conceal his long ears), sat for his picture to
the monkey, who appeared with the implements of painting. This
whimsical group afforded some mirth, and met with general
approbation, until some mischievous wag hinted that the whole--was a
lampoon upon the friends of the performer; an insinuation which was
no sooner circulated than those very people who applauded it before
began to be alarmed, and even to fancy themselves signified by the
several figures of the piece.
Among others, a worthy personage in years, who had served in the
army with reputation, being incensed at the Supposed outrage, repaired
to the lodging of the painter, and finding him at home, "Hark ye, Mr.
Monkey," said he, "I have a good mind to convince you, that though
the bear has lost his teeth, he retains his paws, and that he is not so
drunk but he can perceive your impertinence." "Sblood! sir, that

toothless jaw is a d--ned scandalous libel--but don't yon imagine me so
chopfallen as not to be able to chew the cud of resentment." Here he
was interrupted by the arrival of a learned physician, who, advancing to
the culprit with fury in his aspect, exclaimed, "Suppose the
augmentation of the ass's ears should prove the diminution of the
baboon's--nay, seek not to prevaricate, for, by the beard of Aesculapius!
there is not one hair in this periwig that will not stand up in judgment to
convict thee of personal abuse. Do but observe, captain, how this pitiful
little fellow has copied the very curls-the colour, indeed, is different,
but then the form and foretop are quite similar." While he thus
remonstrated in a strain of vociferation, a venerable senator entered,
and waddling up to the delinquent, "Jackanapes!" cried he, "I will now
let thee see I can read something else than a newspaper, and that
without the help of spectacles: here is your own note of hand, sirrah, for
money, which if I had not advanced, you yourself would have
resembled an owl, in not daring to show your face by day, you
ungrateful slanderous knave!"
In vain the astonished painter declared that he had no intention to give
offence, or to characterise particular persons: they affirmed the
resemblance was too palpable to be overlooked; they taxed him with
insolence, malice, and ingratitude; and their clamours being overheard
by the public, the captain was a bear, the doctor an ass, and the senator
an owl, to his dying day.
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Christian reader, I beseech thee, in the bowels of the Lord, remember
this example "while thou art employed in the perusal of the following
sheets; and seek not to appropriate to thyself that which