The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth | Page 9

in that ar place, be ye?' says I.
"'Mas'r,' returns he, ''tis just the snuggest place ye ever did see; why!
tain't da length on ye, seem how mas'r can double himself up
anyhow,--just as Gineral Pierce do.' The darkey laughed and drew back
with a bow, as I began to philosophise that, being now so well up in the
world, it was the best policy to coil up and invoke Morpheus,--which I
did, bidding good-night to all below, and promising myself a pleasant
interview with General Pierce on the following morning.
CHAPTER III.
IN WHICH MR. SMOOTH HAS AN INTERVIEW WITH GENERAL
CASS.
"Smooth had just stowed himself away in the shape of a figure 4, when
there came a voice as husky as Uncle Zack Peabody's conk, (which said
conk had been used to blow his way through the fogs of Newfoundland
for nearly half a century), saying:--'It's mighty tight squeezing there,
ain't it, stranger?' Where the voice came from seemed a puzzle for all
creation. No room was there in the place for another soul--all became

as still and watchlike as the tomb. In fear and anxiety I gazed upon the
dark wall, and along it to the little window facing the avenue; and there,
behold! but tell it not in the Capitol, was the broad, burly face of
General Cass, like a wet moon in discontent. Unhappy with himself, he
was peering in at the window. Again he muttered:--'I can't get in!--such
has always been my fate.' The much-disappointed old gentleman bore
such an expression of discomfiture on his countenance, that Smooth
was forced to the conclusion that to be sociable would only be doing a
good turn--more especially as the General and Uncle Sam never got
along well together. 'Then it's you, General?' says I: 'well, don't be in a
hurry!' After a short silence, he inquired if I could accommodate a
traveller who had been long on the road, and short of shot. I said I was
not well to do for room; but as to be obliging was the order of the day,
and seeing that he was soon to try another turn by joining the 'Young
American' party, I would see what could be done. He had got upon the
roof of the institution,--just where he could slip backward with great
ease, though it took some effort to go forward. Being somewhat infirm
of age, I took him gently by the hand and assisted him in, where I
thought he might, if he pleased, stand upon a square platform. The
General was very polite, bore strongly in his demeanor the marks of
time and honor; I could not suppress the capricious thought--that it was
time a sly corner in the patent office were provided for political relics
of a past age, and he safely stowed away in it. All things of a by-gone
age should have their place; notwithstanding, knowing that Uncle Sam
and him had tried to be intimate friends, and that he had many warm
and substantial voters in the far West, I felt to be less than
condescending would be bad political policy. He took a seat, and began
to get up his good-nature, as I inquired what earthly mission he could
be prosecuting on so dark and cold a night.
"'Well, now, friend Smooth,' he says: 'I like you, but the question you
put so honestly has a point which you cannot see, though I can
painfully feel. However, as I have no secrets, I don't mind telling you: it
must be private, nevertheless--I am sensitive not to have these matters
spread all over the Union. To-night, you see, a conclave of political
wranglers met below, in this house. Conscious that they would have a
large '_grin_' at me, discussing the means by which I have always been

the rejected of this great and growing people, I came that my ears might
lesson of fools. To this end, I mounted the chimney, and was
reconoitering down the black abyss, when my eye turned and caught
your light, like a star in tribulation, twinkling from the window. Strange
kind of a tribune for a senator, I admit, but I heard many judgments,
and from them may draw many more. One reckoned I had stamped
with the cold hand of death my political life; always wanting to fight
somebody--the English in particular! Another said Virginia and
Pennsylvania couldn't approve of my policy--that it was too slow; while
New York dare not vote for me, and I was New England's dread. A
third said he didn't believe the middle West would back me up, because
a doubt existed as to whether other States would. These sentiments I
heard from down chimney. My solemn belief is, that I have been
sacrificed to a firm