The Adventures of My Cousin Smooth | Page 7

strong,
we will together do brown the patriotism of these United States.
"'Ye better believe that!' returns Mr. Patrick, with an exultation of
happiness; and concluding with: 'I'd kill every nager in the land, be the
pipers I would! an' it's the boys from old Ireland what does be keeping
the bright face on pure Hamirikan principles. Sure an' warn't it the
brave boys that halicted Gineral Pierce and his cumrades?' Here Mr.
Patrick again paused, and with a wise look, shook his head. 'We put the
broad staunch face on the democracy,' again he interjaculated with a
mutter. Indeed, Mr. Patrick the reader will easily detect, had the crude
idea of right in his head; but, unfortunately, he could only get it out in
these simple and sideling insinuations. The negro, whom we have
before described as being knocked down, picked himself up and had
nothing to say.

"'There may be much in what you say, friend Patrick,' said I: 'The boys
from Donegal do with the elective franchise much that
_native-Homers_ in their carelessness leave undone. Mr. Patrick
acknowledged this, shook his head, and said the fact, though deplorable,
was preeminently established.
"'Like every one who visits Washington these times, yer a friend of the
Gineral's, and have fit with him in the Mexican war?' again he inquired,
seeming to anticipate my answer. Of the Mexicans I know little--of the
war less: it were well our country made peace its friend, war its enemy.
As to the General and his fighting in Mexico, that was a matter that
best affected himself; through it he became a great potentate, but not so
great a man; but, I accept the general idea that he is now become
troubled of a short memory. During this time I had not forgotten
number one--my supper! Having stowed it well away under my lining,
I felt very much like a man who had just turned away his back on
Secretary Marcy, having through personal friendship received the
country's best collectorship. Seeing the point of good-nature to which
my feelings had arrived through the strong argument of meats, Mr.
Patrick proffered his services to navigate me out of the place where he
ate his people--through entries, corridors, passages, halls, and down
stairways, along which we were ever encountering persons who, like
Mr. Pierce, were groping their way in the dark. In the course of time,
and after much feeling and fumbling, I again encountered the light of
the mahogany counter, behind which stood the same individual I have
before described--his person so formidable, his face so full and fat, his
hair so sleek and smooth.
"'Had a good supper, Squire Smooth?' says he, a broad smile spreading
over his broader face. On answering in the affirmative, he introduced
me to numerous unsatisfied politicians. One of this very numerous
gentry, and of whom I had, unfortunately, occasion to know more at a
subsequent period, (he was a man of grief from South Carolina), swore,
by his knowledge of southern rights and secession, that his State, so
neglected, would certainly go out of the Union. She had not a minister
abroad--only Consul General at Alexandria, which was said by the
knowing ones to be somewhere in Egypt; and where, to prove his

strong faith in southern principles, and his independent indifference to
the feelings of thin-skin northerners, he had purchased two very
handsome Nubian slaves of the feminine gender. This was merely to
illustrate the truly American spirit of our institutions: perchance it
might arouse from his stupor the Viceroy, who not fully cognizant of
the height of civilization to which America had arrived, was making
singular, and to me very praiseworthy efforts, to free his people from
the curse of enslaving men. To our patriotic Consul General we say--go
it!--a few more such examples will give the Egyptian an impression of
our liberty and christian love most strange: the brilliant light of our
western star will, I fear, have much in it to remind him of those darker
days when his forefathers built pyramids.
"'Come to see the Gineral, I s'pose, stranger?' our Carolinian inquired,
with a suspicious look, touching a companion beside him on the arm.
To his inquiry I returned--nothing shorter! 'Cape Cod,' he followed with
a respectful bow, 'did noble work for the true democracy; she is great in
sands, shoals, and cod-fish; she will send General Pierce a chowder, as
emblematic of his foreign policy--' Here I interrupted by assuring him
that Cape Cod could stand anything to the stomach digestible; But
whether she could digest the General was a doubtful question. Cape
Cod, be it known over the broad acres of this land, I added, has a spirit
above living on government: she turned disdainfully from the means
that were fast turning the