Ten Days in a Mad-House | Page 2

my goal by way of the police courts.
On reflection I thought it wiser not to inflict myself upon my friends or
to get any good-natured doctors to assist me in my purpose. Besides, to
get to Blackwell's Island my friends would have had to feign poverty,
and, unfortunately for the end I had in view, my acquaintance with the
struggling poor, except my own self, was only very superficial. So I
determined upon the plan which led me to the successful
accomplishment of my mission. I succeeded in getting committed to
the insane ward at Blackwell's Island, where I spent ten days and nights
and had an experience which I shall never forget. I took upon myself to
enact the part of a poor, unfortunate crazy girl, and felt it my duty not
to shirk any of the disagreeable results that should follow. I became one
of the city's insane wards for that length of time, experienced much,
and saw and heard more of the treatment accorded to this helpless class
of our population, and when I had seen and heard enough, my release
was promptly secured. I left the insane ward with pleasure and
regret--pleasure that I was once more able to enjoy the free breath of
heaven; regret that I could not have brought with me some of the
unfortunate women who lived and suffered with me, and who, I am
convinced, are just as sane as I was and am now myself.
But here let me say one thing: From the moment I entered the insane

ward on the Island, I made no attempt to keep up the assumed role of
insanity. I talked and acted just as I do in ordinary life. Yet strange to
say, the more sanely I talked and acted the crazier I was thought to be
by all except one physician, whose kindness and gentle ways I shall not
soon forget.

CHAPTER II
PREPARING FOR THE ORDEAL.
BUT to return to my work and my mission. After receiving my
instructions I returned to my boarding-house, and when evening came I
began to practice the role in which I was to make my debut on the
morrow. What a difficult task, I thought, to appear before a crowd of
people and convince them that I was insane. I had never been near
insane persons before in my life, and had not the faintest idea of what
their actions were like. And then to be examined by a number of
learned physicians who make insanity a specialty, and who daily come
in contact with insane people! How could I hope to pass these doctors
and convince them that I was crazy? I feared that they could not be
deceived. I began to think my task a hopeless one; but it had to be done.
So I flew to the mirror and examined my face. I remembered all I had
read of the doings of crazy people, how first of all they have staring
eyes, and so I opened mine as wide as possible and stared unblinkingly
at my own reflection. I assure you the sight was not reassuring, even to
myself, especially in the dead of night. I tried to turn the gas up higher
in hopes that it would raise my courage. I succeeded only partially, but
I consoled myself with the thought that in a few nights more I would
not be there, but locked up in a cell with a lot of lunatics.
The weather was not cold; but, nevertheless, when I thought of what
was to come, wintery chills ran races up and down my back in very
mockery of the perspiration which was slowly but surely taking the curl
out of my bangs. Between times, practicing before the mirror and
picturing my future as a lunatic, I read snatches of improbable and

impossible ghost stories, so that when the dawn came to chase away the
night, I felt that I was in a fit mood for my mission, yet hungry enough
to feel keenly that I wanted my breakfast. Slowly and sadly I took my
morning bath and quietly bade farewell to a few of the most precious
articles known to modern civilization. Tenderly I put my tooth-brush
aside, and, when taking a final rub of the soap, I murmured, "It may be
for days, and it may be--for longer." Then I donned the old clothing I
had selected for the occasion. I was in the mood to look at everything
through very serious glasses. It's just as well to take a last "fond look," I
mused, for who could tell but that the strain of playing crazy, and being
shut up with a crowd of mad people, might turn my own brain, and I
would never get back.