Soul Sex Excerpts | Page 9

that the delight of our relationship was too\

good to last. Based on his previous experiences, he feared it would soon\
er
or later become boring or unstable. He did not believe, for example,
that we could continue to have magical candlelit dinners with stimulating
conversation that led to fevered lovemaking. At some point that
magic would fade. But, when he shifted from assuming that the circumstances
generated his enchantment to knowing that his intention
and active participation did, that constricting belief disappeared. Wining
and dining and loving each other remains a favorite and wonderfilled
pastime.

Pala fell into the “I have found the one to complete me” trap, the
myth of love described in Plato’s Symposium, wherein original man was
split in two by an angry and vengeful god and so is always searching for\

his other half—“human nature was originally one and we were a whole,
and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love.”2 She found i\
n Al
a wonderful lover, a provoking intellect, a thoughtful nature, and a spi\
rit
for growth. She believed these attributes of his would satisfy her needs\
—
because he was a good lover, they would have great sex; because he had
a challenging mind, she would be creative in her thinking; because he
wanted to continually learn, her intellect would expand. It was a short \
step to making him responsible for the quality of their sex, the liveliness
of their discussions, and the creativity of their learning. Now she unde\
rstands
that what makes a whole relationship is two whole people, each
responsible for contributing all they can, individually, to grow togethe\
r.

Carefully examine your own ingrained assumptions about relationships
and how they affect your hopes and your actions. Recognizing your
self-limiting beliefs is a first step toward changing them……

Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, Pala Copeland and Al Link, New Page Books 2003 - Excerpts

19
Excerpt from Chapter 3: Celebrating the Differences
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really
suit each other. Perhaps they should live next
door, and just visit now and then.”
—Katharine Hepburn

“You like potato and I like potaeto,
You like tomato and I like tomaeto;
Potato, potaeto, tomato, tomaeto!
Let’s call the whole thing off!”
—“Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off,” music and
lyrics by George and Ira Gershwin.

“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.”
—Unknown
Early on in our relationship, we made a pact to celebrate our differences.
After all, opposites attract, right? What originally drew Pala to
Al, aside from his deliberate sexuality, was his articulate intellect with
its focused, methodical thought processes. It’s at a 180-degree angle
from the way she moves through life, and it intrigued her from the outset.
However we have both been through enough relationships to know that
what starts out as intriguing often ends up as annoying, exasperating, o\
r
threatening.

You know, in the first blush of love, John’s slow moving approach
to life is revered as mellow and laid back and taking time to smell the
roses. Sooner or later, he’s just another lazy guy. Or a new lover’\
s eyes
may see Barbara’s need for order and security as competency, efficiency,
and astounding preparedness. With just a little shift in perception she’s
just another controlling woman.

We do not want to do that with each other. We want to build on
what we have started, not tear it down, thus our bond to celebrate our
differences. This means that whatever drives us nuts about each other,
we attempt to use as a way to learn something about ourselves. This is
one of the most important ways that we consciously use our relationship
as a spiritual practice. It is not always easy. In fact we do occasionally just
lose it and throw a petulant tantrum. Who wants to keep working on
your own stuff all the time? It is easier and more fun to try and fix other
people. For the most part though, we keep to our bargain. Our relationship
gets stronger because we do. And we each learn to look at the
world through bigger eyes.

Higher Logical Level—The Observer/Witness Consciousness
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I will meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.

Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, Pala Copeland and Al Link, New Page Books 2003 - Excerpts

20
Ideas, language, even the phrase each other
doesn’t make any sense.”
—Rumi1

In Chapter 1, we suggested that a good place to begin your Tantric
journey would be to make your relationship the most important thing in
your life. In that chapter, we explored some of the things people