Soul Sex Excerpts | Page 8

short time, then it stops happening to
you. Unless you graduate to creating love, you experience the disappoint\
ment
and disillusionment of falling out of love. We all know what
is at the bottom of any fall—pain. As author Marilyn Peterson says,
“You do not die of a broken heart, you only wish you did.” Neverth\
eless,
falling in love feels so wonderful that we can become addicted to
it, rolling from one relationship to the next looking for that feeling again
and again.

Although there are numerous examples of falling in love, over and
over again, models of exciting, fulfilling long-term love are exceedingly
rare. Models exist for stormy long-term, and companionable long-term,
and emotionally dead long-term but not hot and stable long-term. Therefore,
we are designing our own version of lusty, lasting love and hope to
inspire you to do the same.

Graduating from falling in love to creating love requires desire,
awareness, and effort. You must yearn to bring about a profound connection
with another human being. You must be cognizant of those
beliefs and behaviors that undermine you and those that assist you in
your quest. In addition, you must be willing to take action, repeatedly,
to support your dream.

Recognizing Relationship Fallacies
“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.
Like if you like sports, she should
like it that you like sports, and

Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, Pala Copeland and Al Link, New Page Books 2003 - Excerpts

17
she should keep the chips and dip coming.”
—Alan, age 10

“No person really decides before they grow up
who they are going to marry.
God decides it all way before,
and you get to find out later
who you are stuck with.”
—Kirsten, age 10

When you set out to learn about creating love, you will discover and
confront a whole range of relationship fallacies and negative models
that influence your beliefs about what is possible. Dismal examples
abound from high profile, highly esteemed role models, such as political
and business leaders, and film and sports celebrities. For example, according
to The New York Times former U.S. President Bill Clinton will
receive an advance of more than $10 million from publisher Alfred A.
Knopf Inc., for the rights to publish his memoirs—an amount believed
to be the largest ever for a nonfiction book. “In agreeing to pay the\

extraordinary advance, Knopf is betting that Mr. Clinton will continue
to be regarded as one of the fascinating personalities of the second hal\
f
of the 20th century, captivating readers both in the United States and
abroad.”1 Not a small part of Mr. Clinton’s attraction is the fact that he
was caught having an affair during his term of office and survived the
political fallout. Whether intended or not, this sends a strong message
to the world about marriage, commitment, and fidelity. It is not harmless
that Mr. Clinton has become a powerful relationship role model,
reinforcing fallacies about what relationships can and should be.

Here are some common relationship fallacies. Which ones form part
of your personal arsenal, sabotaging your capacity to realize the fulfil\
ling
love you want?
�Because falling in and out of love is something that happens
to you, you cannot do anything about it. You are not responsible
for helping love to continue.
�Passion dies over time. Although you may have a loving relationship,
the intensity will wane and it will become boring
sexually.
�If you do have a passionate relationship—one that is hot
and sexy—it will not be stable. The passion will spill over
into all aspects of your relationship and you will have lots of
fights. Such a stormy relationship will not last.
� Infidelity is inevitable—monogamy is just too monotonous
in the long term.
� Wives and mothers should not look or act too sexy. Men
have affairs for the satisfying sex they cannot have with the
mother of their children.
� As men and women age, they lose interest in and capacity

Soul Sex: Tantra for Two, Pala Copeland and Al Link, New Page Books 2003 - Excerpts

18
for sex.
�A true mate is someone who completes you, brings you what
you want in life, fulfilling all your needs. You are two halves
who only become whole together.
� If your mate really loves you, then he or she will know what
you want.
� There are clearly defined roles for men and women in relationship,
for example responsibility for housework, childcare,
making money, and initiating sex. Although these roles are
often assumed rather than openly discussed, they are strictly
followed.
� Parents should hide their sexuality from their children.

We have done our own fair share of succumbing to relationship
fallacies. Al was convinced