Songs of a Savoyard | Page 4

parting straight,
Mottled
the complexion fair,
Halting is the youthful gait,
Hollow is the laughter free,
Spectacled the limpid eye,
Little will be
left of me,
In the coming by-and-by!
Fading is the taper waist -

Shapeless grows the shapely limb,
And although securely laced,

Spreading is the figure trim!
Stouter than I used to be,
Still more
corpulent grow I -
There will be too much of me
In the coming
by-and-by!
Ballad: The Highly Respectable Gondolier
I stole the Prince, and I brought him here,
And left him, gaily
prattling
With a highly respectable Gondolier,
Who promised the
Royal babe to rear,
And teach him the trade of a timoneer
With his
own beloved bratling.
Both of the babes were strong and stout,
And, considering all things,
clever.
Of that there is no manner of doubt -
No probable, possible
shadow of doubt -
No possible doubt whatever.
Time sped, and when at the end of a year
I sought that infant
cherished,
That highly respectable Gondolier
Was lying a corpse on
his humble bier -
I dropped a Grand Inquisitor's tear -
That
Gondolier had perished!
A taste for drink, combined with gout,
Had doubled him up for ever.

Of THAT there is no manner of doubt -
No probable, possible
shadow of doubt -
No possible doubt whatever.
But owing, I'm much disposed to fear,
To his terrible taste for
tippling,
That highly respectable Gondolier
Could never declare

with a mind sincere
Which of the two was his offspring dear,
And
which the Royal stripling!
Which was which he could never make out,
Despite his best
endeavour.
Of THAT there is no manner of doubt -
No probable,
possible shadow of doubt -
No possible doubt whatever.
The children followed his old career -
(This statement can't be parried)

Of a highly respectable Gondolier:
Well, one of the two (who will
soon be here) -
But WHICH of the two is not quite clear -
Is the
Royal Prince you married!
Search in and out and round about
And you'll discover never
A tale
so free from every doubt -
All probable, possible shadow of doubt -

All possible doubt whatever!
Ballad: The Fairy Queen's Song
Oh, foolish fay,
Think you because
Man's brave array
My bosom
thaws
I'd disobey
Our fairy laws?
Because I fly
In realms above,

In tendency
To fall in love
Resemble I
The amorous dove?
Oh, amorous dove!
Type of Ovidius Naso!
This heart of mine
Is
soft as thine,
Although I dare not say so!
On fire that glows
With heat intense
I turn the hose
Of Common
Sense,
And out it goes
At small expense!
We must maintain

Our fairy law;
That is the main
On which to draw -
In that we
gain
A Captain Shaw.
Oh, Captain Shaw!

Type of true love kept under!
Could thy Brigade

With cold cascade
Quench my great love, I wonder!
Ballad: Is Life A Boon
Is life a boon?
If so, it must befall
That Death, whene'er he call,


Must call too soon.
Though fourscore years he give
Yet one would
pray to live
Another moon!
What kind of plaint have I,
Who
perish in July?
I might have had to die
Perchance in June!
Is life a thorn?
Then count it not a whit!
Man is well done with it;

Soon as he's born
He should all means essay
To put the plague
away;
And I, war-worn,
Poor captured fugitive,
My life most
gladly give -
I might have had to live
Another morn!
Ballad: The Modern Major-General
I am the very pattern of a modern Major-Gineral,
I've information
vegetable, animal, and mineral;
I know the kings of England, and I
quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo, in order
categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical;
About
binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With interesting
facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
I'm very good at integral
and differential calculus,
I know the scientific names of beings
animalculous.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I
am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.
I know our mythic history - KING ARTHUR'S and SIR CARADOC'S,
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox;
I quote in
elegiacs all the crimes of HELIOGABALUS,
In conics I can floor
peculiarities parabolous.
I tell undoubted RAPHAELS from
GERARD DOWS and ZOFFANIES,
I know the croaking chorus
from the "Frogs" of ARISTOPHANES; Then I can hum a fugue, of
which I've heard the music's din afore, And whistle all the airs from
that confounded nonsense "Pinafore." Then I can write a washing-bill
in Babylonic cuneiform,
And tell you every detail of
CARACTACUS'S uniform.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal,
and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-Gineral.
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin," When

I can tell at sight a Chassepot rifle from a javelin,
When such affairs
as SORTIES and surprises I'm more wary at, And when I know
precisely what is meant by Commissariat,
When I have learnt what
progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of
tactics than a novice in a nunnery,
In short, when I've a smattering of
elementary strategy,
You'll say a better Major-GenerAL has never
SAT a gee -
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and
adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century.