Signora Fantastic | Page 7

Commissioner, do your duty.
COMMISSIONER: Madame I, I am re-responsible
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: For what?
COMMISSIONER: To order you--
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: To order me! And you are trembling. That tone is not used to command.
COMMISSIONER: To leave town immediately.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Me? And by what right, I beg you?
COMMISSIONER: Wha-what right? Am I not the Commissioner of this suburb?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Yes, but only a judge can grant or refuse a travel visa. And the judge will do me justice. He loves the arts, he loves poetry. Beware he doesn't dismiss you for having infringed on his rights.
COMMISSIONER: It's true wha-what she says, The Signora. It's a sad thing being a subaltern! I was hoping to be a judge in the last election, but a cabal p-p-prevented me.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Do you know the cause of your not being named?
COMMISSIONER: No. But it appeared to me the public was sh-shocked.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Yes, a very calm shock. But as for me, I will tell you that it is your difficulty speaking that was the cause of it.
COMMISSIONER: Yes, it's true. I have a-a little trouble speaking. But my mother told me it would give me dignity.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Your lady mother was surely right. But stammering is a great handicap in haranguing the public.
COMMISSIONER: And what must I do to correct it?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Act in a play.
COMMISSIONER: Me? Act in a play.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: A role of judge.
COMMISSIONER: A role of judge.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Twice a week. And you'll be judge for 3 hours.
COMMISSIONER: The Municipal Council only meets once a week.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: So you'll be judge twice as long on my stage than on yours.
COMMISSIONER: Will I be able to wear the same robe?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: The same.
COMMISSIONER: And they'll obey me?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Better than you've obeyed me.
COMMISSIONER: And will there be riots?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: With four lines of blank verse you will calm them.
COMMISSIONER: Four lines of b-blank verse! Will that imperil the life of an honest man?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Not at all. Not even that of a bad poet.
COMMISSIONER: Why this is a charming idea! Judge, twice a week. A beautiful gown, power and no danger. Signora, I am yours.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Pass to this side. You, Captain Rodolphe, will never quit my daughter.
RODOLPHE: No, surely, Signora: she's my Armida. If I go to Italy with her I will still be Rinaldo, right?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Yes, without a doubt. Nevertheless, once in a while you'll lend yourself to the role of Sacripant. You must be versatile in social troupes.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Husband, what's going to become of us? Our children are leaving us. We'll remain alone with each other. How sad that is.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Madame de Kriegschenmahl--what will we say to each other when we are alone?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What we've already said, my dear spouse.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah, I don't know that much. Let's try to appease Signora Fantastici. (to The Signora) Madame, don't carry off my two sons, the consolation of my old age.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: That's fair. You must be an excellent father.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah. She's beginning to listen to reason.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Yes. A father in a play.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What, Madame!
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: If you like you will play aristocratic fathers.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Aristocratic fathers! Why, certainly. The Kriegschenmahls are gentlemen from father to son.
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: What! Your ancestors have all been actors?
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Madame, what do you mean? Do you mean to offend me?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: No, assuredly--but I am taking your sons with me. They please me. I will perfect their education. The younger will play the heroes; the older, tender roles. The former will become stronger, the latter more sweet. And in ten years from now I will send them back to you charmers.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah, madame. What must be done so as not to separate from them?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Listen, I'm a good person; I don't enjoy causing pain to whoever it may be, but I insist that the rights of poetry be respected in me. Too much prose, sir, too much prose in this house!
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What! Madame? I cannot order my dinner in prose from Madame de Kriegschenmahl?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: Poetry doesn't consist only of verse, but in love for the arts, in enthusiasm and imagination, which raises the soul and the spirit. It proscribes all manner of sentiments, vulgarity, undemocratic ideas under the weight of which you've spent your entire life! Listen to me. I am going to give a party to a charming woman that illness keeps at home and who supports her sufferings with admirable courage. Now that's poetry for heaven's sake, true poetry. Would you play a role in the play we want to perform for her?
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What are you thinking of, Madame, me?
SIGNORA FANTASTICI: There will be a siege of a town in it.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: A siege! And do you think my gout will prevent me