Side Show Studies | Page 4

'He lives upon raw meat and would prefer human flesh
if he could get it. Observe the expression of ghoulish glee in his eyes as
he regards the foolhardy man who will soon furnish him such a meal as
he formerly enjoyed in his native jungle. He sleeps at night suspended
from the top bars of his cage by his claw-like hands and feet, which
will soon be tearing the flesh of this man who stands before you now, a
picture of perfect health and strength. He speaks no intelligible
language, but he utters howls and yells, which will be more horrible
than ever before when he is sucking the warm heart's be-lud of the
figure which you see before you for the last time in human shape.' Just
then the super gives Fuzzy a prod and he howls like Balaam's ass, but
the coon stands there smiling and not feazed a bit.
"'It's a sad sight,' continues Merritt, 'to see a fine man in the prime of

life, like our colored brother here, crushed into an unrecognizable mass
by the terrible hinder limbs of this man-eating cannibal and then torn to
shreds by his horrible fangs. The management of this highly moral and
intellectual show will provide a funeral for the remains, if there are any,
and now, ladies and gents, I call upon you to witness that we are not
responsible for the terrible end which awaits this reckless man.'
"I had taken the precaution to button up the box office 'take' in my
inside pocket, and while Merritt was making a bluff at looking for the
key to the cage door I looked around to see that there was a free exit,
for the coon was standing there swelling out his chest and grinning as if
he had the five hundred already in his jeans, and I knew he couldn't be
bluffed out. Just then a typical antebellum Missourian, one of the kind
that has to be shown, steps up in front. He was tanked up until his
safety valve would have blown off if it hadn't been wired down, but he
was pretty steady on his pins when he held onto the railing in front of
the cage.
[Illustration: "Five hundred dollars to any one who will enter the
cage."]
"'Professah,' says he, 'did I undahstand yo' all correctly to say that this
yeah object in the cage has none of the attributes of the human race?'
"'Correct!' says Merritt, glad of an excuse to delay things. 'He is lower
than the beasts of the field.'
"'Well, he suttenly aint much to look at,' says the Southerner, looking
him over carefully. 'He won't eat like folks--he can't talk--an' he sleeps
like a bat. I dunno why such a pusillanimous critter should cumber the
yearth,' and with that he puts his hand to his hip and pulls out a
forty-five from under the tails of his coat. Fuzzy takes one look at it,
and it didn't need any prodding to make him holler, and he tries to tear
off the false tusks.
"'Foh Gawd's sake, mistah, doan shoot!' he yells. 'Dat white mahn's
been tellin' a passel ob lies about me until ah's sartain suah somefing
gwine fer to git me. Ah can eat an' talk like any one, an' mos' ebery one

knows me about yeah wen ah ain't got dese yeah contraptions on.'
"'Shut up, you blame fool!' says Merritt. 'He won't shoot you.'
"'Mebbe he knows dat, mebbe you knows dat; but how does I know
dat?' yells Fuzzy. 'Dat gun suttenly looks big to me.'
"About this time the other coon got wise and saw the five hundred
vanishing, and the last I saw of Merritt he was trying to break a
half-Nelson that the coon had got on him and dodge the rest of the
crowd at the same time. I left St. Louis on a freight that night, wearing
a few lumps where some stray brickbats landed, and the next time I saw
Merritt was in Chicago, and he was on crutches and had his head
covered with plaster."
No thunderbolt dropped from the blue dome over the Dreamland tower,
and the Proprietor, with a childlike and bland smile on his face,
motioned to the waiter to refill the glasses.

THE BITE OF A RATTLER AND THE SAD FATE OF BIG PETE

THE BITE OF A RATTLER AND THE SAD FATE OF BIG PETE
Like the pitcher which went to the well until it met the proverbial fate,
the trainer entered the lion's den once too often, and what remained of
him was placed in an ambulance and taken to the hospital. After the
performance for the evening was over, Baltimore, the bad lion, who
had suddenly developed a craving for