Shorty McCabe on the Job | Page 6

McCabe's indorsement of any expenses incurred, or sum to
be paid out, I shall give you a check at once."
And, say, the last I see of J. Bayard he was driftin' through the door,
gazin' absentminded at the envelope, like he was figurin' on how much
he could grab off at the first swipe. I gazes after him thoughtful until
the comic side of it struck me.
"This is a hot combination we're in, eh?" I chuckles to the lawyer gent.
"Steele, Judson & McCabe, Joy Distributers; with J. Bayard there
wieldin' the fairy wand. Why, say, I'd as quick think of askin' Scrappy
McGraw to preside at a peace conference!"
Mr. Judson's busy packin' away his papers in a document case; but he
smiles vague over his shoulder.
"Honest now," I goes on, "do you think our friend will make good as
the head of the sunshine department?"
"That," says Judson, "is a matter which Mr. Gordon seems to have left
wholly to you."
"Eh?" says I, doin' the gawp act sudden on my own account. "Well,
post me for a Bush League yannigan if it don't listen that way! Then I
can see where I'll be earnin' my five per cent. all right, and yet some!
Referee for a kind deeds campaign! Good night, Sister Sue! But it's on
old Pyramid's account; so let J. Bayard shoot 'em in!"
CHAPTER II
A FEW SQUIRMS BY BAYARD
Say, take it from me, this job of umpirin' a little-deeds-of-kindness

campaign, as conducted by J. Bayard Steele, Esq., ain't any careless
gladsome romp through the daisy fields. It's a real job!
He's the one, you know, that poor old Pyramid Gordon--rest his
soul!--picked out to round up all the hangover grouches he'd strewed
behind him durin' a long and active career, with instructions to soothe
the same with whatever balm seemed best, regardless of expense.
And the hard part of it for Steele is that he has to get my O.K. on all his
schemes before he can collect from the estate. And while I don't bill
myself for any expert on lovin'-kindness, and as a gen'ral thing I ain't of
a suspicious nature, I'm wise enough to apply the acid test and bore for
lead fillin' on anything he hands in. Course maybe I'm too hard on him,
but it strikes me that an ex-pool organizer, who makes a livin' as capper
for a hotel branch of a shady stock-brokin' firm, ain't had the best kind
of trainin' as an angel of mercy.
So when he shows up at my Physical Culture Studio again, the day
after Lawyer Judson has explained for us the fine points of that batty
will of Pyramid's, I'm about as friendly and guileless as a dyspeptic
customs inspector preparin' to go through the trunks of a Fifth avenue
dressmaker. He comes in smilin' and chirky, though, slaps me chummy
on the shoulder, and remarks cordial:
"Well, my trusty coworker in well doing, I have come to report
progress."
"Shoot it, then," says I, settlin' back in my chair.
"You will be surprised," he goes on, "to learn who is first to benefit by
my vicarious philanthropy."
"Your which?" says I.
"Merely another simile for our glorious work," says he. "You couldn't
guess whose name was in that envelope,--Twombley-Crane's!"
"The Long Island plute?" says I. "You don't say! Why, when did

Pyramid ever get the best of him, I wonder?"
"I had almost forgotten the affair myself," says Steele. "It was more
than a dozen years ago, when Twombley-Crane was still actively
interested in the railroad game. He was president of the Q., L. & M.;
made a hobby of it, you know. Used to deliver flowery speeches to the
stockholders, and was fond of boasting that his road had never passed a
dividend. About that time Gordon was organizing the Water Level
System. He needed the Q., L. & M. as a connecting link. But
Twombley-Crane would listen to no scheme of consolidation. Rather
an arrogant aristocrat, Twombley-Crane, as perhaps you know?"
"Yes, he's a bit stiff in the neck," says I.
"He gave Gordon a flat no," goes on Steele. "Had him shown out of his
office, so the story went. And of course Pyramid started gunning for
him. Twombley-Crane had many interests at the time, financial, social,
political. But suddenly his appointment as Ambassador to Germany,
which had seemed so certain, was blocked in the Senate; his plans for
getting control of all the ore-carrying steamer lines on the Lakes were
upset by the appearance of a rival steamship pool; and then came the
annual meeting of the Q., L. & M., at which Gordon presented a dark
horse candidate. You see, for months Pyramid had been buying in loose
holdings and gathering proxies,