Sexpertise - Secrets Of Total Satisfaction | Page 8

by pressing firmly on the
perineum (the skin between the anus and the base of the scrotum) or
sliding a lubricated finger into your anus to stroke the prostate.
The Art of Massage
Even people who love each other and have been happily
married for years tend to forget 95 percent of the vast and varied
vocabulary of touch. After a few years of marriage, the way we touch
each other tends to be reduced to one of two
things: We touch each other in a completely
sexless, perfunctory way (a peck on the cheek, a
pat on the back) or in a way that is as sexual as
you can get. Often, when a man touches his wife
at all, it's basically a way of asking a question:
Do you want to have sex? First comes the touch,
then the kiss, then a fast-forward to orgasm.
Even when we get sexual, the places
where we touch each other tend to be limited to a
few square inches of skin the dimensions of an
airmail envelope. Whole kingdoms of the body,
and of sensuous pleasure, go unnoticed. "It's
entirely possible that a woman who's been
married for years has never been touched behind
the knee, or between the toes, by another adult since childhood," says
Gordon Inkeles, bestselling author of The Art of Sensual Massage, The
New Massage, and other books. Our whole culture seems to be so
starved for touch that sometimes people will have sex when all they
really want is to feel the delicious warmth of skin against skin.
Massage as Sex-Enhancer
But all is not lost. You and your lover can learn the exquisite
pleasures of touch and rediscover each other in the process.
It's called massage.
Don't be intimidated by that word. There are forms of massage
that require lots of training, and maybe even a few courses in human
physiology, but that's not what we're talking about here. We're simply
Massage is a
way of
exploring the
forgotten
frontiers of
your partner's
body and in
the process
vastly
expanding
your
repertoire of
touch.

talking about using touch to give your partner pleasure and then
unashamedly receiving it (which is also the goal of satisfying sex).
That kind of touch doesn’t take any particular training at all, although
it does require that you care for each other.
Massage is a potent "sex-enhancer," says Inkeles, because it
induces deep relaxation by rapidly dissipating the negative effects of
stress. People tend to have sex as a way of blowing off physical
tension. But a far better approach is to slip into a state of deep
relaxation first, through sensual massage, and then make love.
Sensual massage, whether or not it's overtly sexual, is also a
delightful way to express affection. It's a way of exploring the
forgotten frontiers of your partner's body and in the process vastly
expanding your repertoire of touch. And it's a way of finding out what
makes your lover feel good and what doesn’t.The How-To Part
Preparing for a sensuous massage is like setting the mood for
love. It doesn't have to be terribly involved. just find someplace where
you're sure you won’t be interrupted-the bedroom is fine. Don’t focus
on giving your lover a massage for any particular amount of time; just
do it for as long as it feels good. (It's worse to persist if you feel bored
or resentful.)
It's nice to use massage oils, because they feel great and tend to
make the skin more sensitive to touch. Safflower oil works fine, and
it's cheap. Others prefer coconut oil, which is light, nongreasy, and
odorless. It's best to warm it a little before use. Try putting it into a
plastic squeeze bottle for convenience. Instead of oil, some people like
to use cornstarch, which is so silky to the touch it almost feels wet.
Other things to remember:

Martha Brown, a registered massage therapist in
Charlottesville, Virginia, says that people tend to touch
each other during massage in the same way they like to be
touched. The result: Women tend to massage men toogently, and men tend to massage women too firmly. The
solution: just keep asking for feedback. "How does this
pressure feel?" "Should I bear down harder?" "Is that too
soft?" The only unforgivable sin of massage is to make
your partner feel uncomfortable. Says Inkeles: "One
moment of pain destroys an hour of good massage."

People tend to hold lots of tension in their faces. Try
massaging the forehead, jaw muscles, temples. Use strokes
that "smooth out" or go across the lines on the face.
Another great spot to focus on: the feet.

Women tend to hold tension in their neck and shoulders;
men tend to hold it in the small of their backs, Inkeles says.
Give those areas special attention.

Any place where the skin is thin is especially sensitive,
such as around the ankles, the neck, and the insides of the
arms.

You really don’t need any fancy equipment to give a great
massage, but sometimes a vibrator can be used for spice.
Try strapping the device to the back of your hand so that
your fingertips transmit the good vibrations.
Another Form of Sex Therapy
The sensuous magic of massage has not been lost on sex
therapists. In fact, a form of massage has been a key