Sexpertise - Secrets Of Total Satisfaction | Page 5

Kinsey group's data, he found that only 7.7 percent of the women
whose lovers spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay failed to reach
orgasm.
Following are some tips for setting off fireworks through
foreplay.
Understand the differences when turning up the heat. "A
man's sexual responses are like a lightbulb: You turn it on, and it goes
from cold to hot almost instantly. When you turn it off, it cools down
right away. But a woman's responses are more like an iron: You turn it
on, then wait and wait and wait until it heats up; and after you turn it
off, you wait and wait and wait until it cools off," explains Jude Cotter,
Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in private practice in
Farmington Hills, Michigan.
Foreplay is one way to smooth out the differences, slowing
down the man a little, speeding up the woman a little, and meeting
(let's hope) somewhere in the middle. Technically speaking, there's
some interesting evidence that it's not so much that women’s sexual
responses are innately slower than men's but that women require more
foreplay because it's harder for them to reach orgasm through
intercourse.
Stay aware of her breathing. When she changes from normal
breathing to a deep, relaxed pattern, she's usually ready for intercourse.
When she's panting hot and heavy, she's approaching orgasm. Start
intercourse slowly; even if she appears eager, it will raise her
anticipation and allow sensations to build.
Make foreplay last all day. "Always remember that good sex
begins while your clothes are still on," say William Masters, M.D., and
Virginia Johnson, of the Masters and Johnson Institute in St. Louis,
and their collaborator Robert C. Kolodny, M.D. "Getting in the mood"
"If he stops
and buys a
single
long-stemme
d rose on
Tuesday, for
no particular
reason at all,
he will
probably
have fantastic
sex on
Wednesday."

is not just the few moments before sex; it can go on for hours, or days,
beforehand. Since good sex is just one aspect of a good relationship,
it's sweetest when it grows naturally out of the time you spend
together.
"One of the things that men don't understand is that if a guy
spends the afternoon with his partner, and they stop and get a
sandwich, they joke and kid around, they laugh, they hug-to the
woman, that's foreplay," says Dr. Cotter. "Men want to know, 'What's
the right technique for foreplay?' Well, part of it is to go for a walk
with her, spend some time with her, do things that are sensitive and
kind. If he stops and buys a single long-stemmed rose on Tuesday, for
no particular reason at all, he will probably have fantastic sex on
Wednesday."
Ask what feels good. When it comes to actually getting physi-
cal, men and women often make similar mistakes. From their own
intimate observations, Masters and Johnson say that during foreplay
both men and women tend to do things that they think would turn them
on. For instance, many men stroke the shaft of the clitoris vigorously
and rapidly, in imitation of the way men masturbate, or they plunge a
finger deep into the vagina, even though many women find this
unarousing or even uncomfortable. By contrast, one of men's most
common complaints is that women don't grab the penis firmly enough;
they treat the man’s genitals as gingerly as they do their own.
The answer? Communication. It doesn't necessarily have to be
verbal, but it's important to let your partner know, in one way or
another, what feels good and what doesn't.
Set the stage. One final note on preliminaries: "Candlelight,"
advise David and Ellen Ramsdale, authors of Sexual Energy Ecstasy,
"flatters the human body by making it look more fluid and smooth."
And removing your reading glasses has pretty much the same effect.
Both at once is miraculous.
His & Her Hot Spots
Sex involves all the senses: sight, smell, hearing, taste, and, of
course, the sense of touch. When you touch her skin, anywhere, do it
as lightly as you possibly can, so lightly that there is almost air
between your fingers and her skin. This can give her chills and be an
erotic and tempting tease. When you move on to the heavier touching,
this is where you want to be the expert on her parts and your parts and
how to make all of these parts add up to unforgettable pleasure.
Her Body
Ask her to show you her "hot spots": her G spot, her clitoris,
etc. When you go in search of the magic button, it helps to have accu-
rate directions. Otherwise, here's a quick tour of the female body:
When a woman is lying on her back, the lowest opening is the anus.
Next up is the vagina, with labia on both sides. Above the vagina is a
smaller opening called the urethra, where urine comes out, and above
the urethra, maybe camouflaged by her pubic hair, is the clitoral hood.
Inside this little cave is the clitoris. Another good way to find the
clitoris is by touch. During sexual excitement the hood becomes
puffier and larger, but the clitoris remains inside. Place your finger on
top of the hood and press down gently, feeling for a shaft of rigid
tissue, the clitoris.
Clitoris. The clitoris can become numb from the same