Scarborough and the Critic | Page 5

point of making him master of a galleon! but let him look to the

consequences; an ungrateful, narrow-minded coxcomb.
Fash. So he
is, upon my soul, old lady; it must be my
brother you speak of.

Mrs.
Coup. Ha! stripling, how came you here? What, hast
spent all, eh?
And art thou come to dun his lordship for
assistance?
Fash. No, I
want somebody's assistance to cut his
lordship's throat, without the
risk of being hanged for him. Mrs. Coup. Egad, sirrah, I could help thee

to do him
almost as good a turn, without the danger of being burned
in the hand for't.
Fash. How--how, old Mischief?
Mrs. Coup. Why,
you must know I have done you the kindness to make up a match for
your brother.
Fash. I am very much beholden to you, truly!
Mrs.
Coup. You may be before the wedding-day, yet: the
lady is a great
heiress, the match is concluded, the writings are drawn, and his
lordship is come hither to put the finishing hand to the business.
Fash.
I understand as much.
Mrs. Coup. Now, you must know, stripling,
your brother's a knave.
Fash. Good.
Mrs. Coup. He has given me a
bond of a thousand pounds for helping him to this fortune, and has
promised me as much more, in ready money, upon the day of the
marriage; which, I understand by a friend, he never designs to pay me;
and his just now refusing to pay me a part is a proof of it. If, therefore,
you will be a generous young rogue, and secure me five thousand
pounds, I'll help you to the lady.
Fash. And how the devil wilt thou
do that?
Mrs. Coup. Without the devil's aid, I warrant thee. Thy

brother's face not one of the family ever saw; the whole business has
been managed by me, and all his letters go through my hands. Sir
Tunbelly Clumsy, my relation--for that's the old gentleman's name--is
apprised of his lordship's being down here, and expects him to-morrow
to receive his daughter's hand; but the peer, I find, means to bait here a
few days longer, to recover the
fatigue of his journey, I suppose. Now
you shall go to Muddymoat Hall in his place.--I'll give you a letter of
introduction: and if you don't marry the girl before sunset, you deserve
to be hanged before morning.
Fash. Agreed! agreed! and for thy
reward--
Mrs. Coup. Well, well;--though I warrant thou hast not a

farthing of money in thy pocket now--no--one may see it in thy face.

Fash. Not a sous, by Jupiter!
Mrs. Coup. Must I advance, then? Well,
be at my lodgings, next door, this evening, and I'll see what may be
done--we'll sign and seal, and when I have given thee some further

instructions, thou shalt hoist sail and be one.
[Exit.]
Fash. So, Lory,
Fortune, thou seest, at last takes care of merit! we are in a fair way to
be great people.
Lory. Ay, sir, if the devil don't step between the cup
and the lip, as he used to do.
Fash. Why, faith, he has played me
many a damned trick to spoil my fortune; and, egad, I am almost afraid

he's at work about it again now; but if I should tell thee how, thou'dst
wonder at me.
Lory. Indeed, sir, I should not.
Fash. How dost know?

Lory. Because, sir, I have wondered at you so often, I can wonder at
you no more.
Fash. No! what wouldst thou say, if a qualm of
conscience should spoil my design?
Lory. I would eat my words, and
wonder more than ever.
Fash. Why faith, Lory, though I have played
many a roguish trick, this is so full-grown a cheat, I find I must take
pains to come up to't--I have scruples.
Lory. They are strong
symptoms of death. If you find they increase, sir, pray make your will.

Fash. No, my conscience shan't starve me neither: but thus far I'll
listen to it. Before I execute this project, I'll try my brother to the
bottom. If he has yet so much humanity about him as to assist
me--though with a moderate aid--I'll drop my project at his feet, and
show him how I can do for him much more than what I'd ask he'd do
for me. This one conclusive trial of him I resolve to make.
Succeed or fail, still victory is my lot;
If I subdue his heart,'tis well--if
not,
I will subdue my conscience to my plot.
[Exeunt.]
ACT II.
SCENE I.--LOVELESS'S Lodgings.
Enter_ LOVELESS _and
AMANDA.
Love. How do you like these lodgings, my dear? For my

part, I am so pleased with them, I shall hardly remove whilst we stay
here, if you are satisfied.
Aman. I am satisfied with everything that
pleases you,
else I had not come to Scarborough at all.
Love. Oh, a
little of the noise and folly of this place
will sweeten the pleasures of
our retreat; we shall find the charms of our retirement doubled when we
return to it.
Aman. That pleasing